~ADULTS~Help with marriage please.?

Question

Ok, everyone, be honest with me. What would make your marriage better? I have been with my husband for 3 years. I love him with all my heart and I know he loves me, we have a great sex life, but we are going through some rough times. We have been through a lot together in the shore time we have been together, this is not the worst, just money problems. I know he is happy for the most part and so am I for the most part. We have 2 boys, 2yo and 5mo. He works a lot and has somewhat of a life, I stay home with my kids and have no kind of life. I get upset over dumb stuff because I'm jealous of him having a life outside of our kids, and I'm not allowed to have any kind of a life. It's hard, I want to make him happier, but I don't know how, and I want to make myself happier to, but not sure how to. My husband is my world and I just want to make him happier then what he is, I know our money problems are a big stress on him, so I know he's not completly happy right now, but I want him to be.

Answer 1

baby girl, what about thinking going back to work. in this way, not only will you be helping out financially, but also give you a new perspective in life. but first, find out how much it cost for day care. i know it could be expensive (but that's where the in-laws come in). if money is causing the stress, then fix it.

Answer 2

First remember behind every Good and Hard Working Man is a Excellent & Hard Working Woman!....Alot Of housewives never get the credit they deserve for keeping a household together ( I am not talking to the lazy wives that sits around the house all day eating cheese whiz) I totally understand what you are feeling, but you must remember he is not having a "life" truly either...There are Sacrifices that must be made sometimes between a husband ,wife & family. You may think he is enjoying work more times than he really does. Every husband that is the sole-provider for his family,should make sure that the time away from family is equal to their paycheck.

Just sit down with him and discuss these issues you have for your family's sake, before it's way too late.... Because if you continue to have jealousy issues go on & he allows "Stress" to overtake him....it will effect both attitudes towards each other and the family too ...& Trust me when I say the Sex Life as well!! Then the next thing you know ...you are aquiring attention or just a simple ear to listen from someone you shouldn't. Things get shady from there!

Pray together and discuss this over a warm cup of tea with your husband after the kids are put to bed . Best of Luck to you and your family.

GOD BLESS.

Answer 3

You need to stop saying you have no kind of life. Because you do. Right now you got those two children that need you. Just think of it if you had a job, daycare will be raising them. And you got a husband who is allowed you to stay home to raise YOUR kids. Most women would love that. I know I wouldn't. Besides taking care kids, a home and a husband is a job. Maybe its not "the" job or career you desire. But right now your job is your family. Your family comes first. Everyone goes though money problems. You should feed your mind start reading good books like the proper care and feeding of husbands and stupid things parents do to mes up their kids and ten stupid things couples do to mess up their relationships by Dr. Laura C. Schlessinger and she has a talk radio show on 640am 12noon-3pm Mon-Fri southern ca time.

Answer 4

money ar always the biggest problem the couples wil have to deal with, don't matter how much or how little you have is always going to be aproblem, what you need to do is stick together and look at the big picture of what can you do to make your life together better, maybe downsize in the spending and spend more time together, have a quality time alone for the two of you will be the best thing to do, after the babies are slepp just take time to talk and be a couple, watch a movie, have dinner, talk just be intimate, when the stress is taking over you need to do something to release it, feel affection and love is the best way to deal with it. GOD BLESS YOU and god luck

Answer 5

Maybe look for a part time job for yourself. A lot of jobs have flexible hours, so maybe you could work a few hours a week and he or someone else could sit with the kids. It would also bring in a little extra money too. If that's not possible, look for work at daycare facilities that will allow you to take your kids (my sister-in-law did that because they needed extra money, but they couldn't afford daycare too). Or start taking your kids to the local library for story times. You may meet other mothers in your situation that you could make friends with. There's a lot you can do for yourself if you look for the possibilities. Your job isn't to make your husband happy, it's to make you happy. Maybe if you do something for yourself and make yourself happier, your relationship will get better since you're not so miserable and resentful.
I know what you're talking about I'm also a SAHM. It can be very hard, but only you can make it better.

Answer 6

Start taking action since you have recognized the problem. It takes a little bit of effort and you won't believe the results. Try an extra hug and kiss or thank you, I love you or a batch of his favorite cookies. I'm not saying go overboard, but just an extra thank you or I love you each day will get you a positive response. Your husband will respond in the same way. Make an effort and make it apart of your life! We like when we feel appreciated and respected and loved, try the same. Don't play games, just be yourself and put a little more effort into your marriage. He will too. Take care!

I agree with dardar, I'm a huge Dr. Laura fan! Her books the Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands and The 10 Stupid Things Couples Do to Mess Up their Relationships are excellent reads. She's not saying be a doormat, be submissive to your husband and just take care of each other! :)

Answer 7

Money always helps in making a marriage better lol!!!

If you're jealous of his life outside of the kids - why dont YOU get involved something WITH your kids? Like MOPS. If you want a job - look into a daycare, a lot of them offer discounts for the people that work for them and that would take care of the money problem and you having an "outside" life.

As for making him happy - its hard to do that. My hubby works 7 days a week because he does not want me to work, our kids are older and he knows I dont have "too many years" to spend with them because they will be out of the house too. I miss the adult communication with working - but I have found other ways to be sure I dont lose that (such as volunteering at school, at sporting events, etc.).

Email me if you wish :) and good luck!!

Answer 8

Didn't you already post this question?

Why are you "not allowed" to have "any kind of life"? Does he threaten you? Hurt you? You should be able to run out and have your nails done, or have lunch with a friend, or whatever makes you happy. Even if he doesn't want to take care of the kids, you should be able to take your kids to a park, playdate, library or mom group and talk to other adults while the kids play.

You can't "make" him any happier than HE chooses to be. It sounds like you're already doing everything you can or should - you have sex with him, you take care of his children, you love him. What exactly is he doing that you want him to stop?? You want to make him be nicer when he's at home, you want him to let you go out sometimes, you want him to stop worrying, what?

Answer 9

You cant make anyone happy except yourself. Develop yourself and your personality. Stop trying to control the relationship and instead try to contribute to the relationship. Being married is not a day at an amusement park. It is through the tough times that you learn how to enjoy the good times when they finally come aroud. During the tough times is when you better yourself and find ways to contribute to the marriage. You always have to have a life for yourself. You are an indiviual. You are not just a wife and mother in the imaginary four walls of a family. True, you have those roles, but that is not who you are.

Answer 10

First of all you need to get a job, whether it be part time or full time. You need to get out away from everyone and have a life. I know you want to make your husband happy, but what about you. Are you happy? You have small children and they see or can sense the tension between the two of you. If you get a job, will that help?

Answer 11

I KNOW RIGHT NOW YOU BOTH GOING THROUGH SOME ROUGH TIME. YOU GUYS HAVE MONEY PROBLEM, AND SINCE YOUR KIDS ARE LITTLE YOU CAN NOT WORK EITHER. SOME TIMES YOU CAN NOT HELP SOME SITUATION, BUT YOU BOTH HAVE TO BE STRONG AND THINK POSITIVE THAT THIS SHALL PASS TOO. TELL HIM TO TRY FOR SOME BETTER JOB WHICH PAY YOU GOOD. I KNOW IT'S HARD SAYING THAN DOING. BUT HAVE FAITH, IF YOU BOTH LOVE EACH OTHER. BE STRONG AND IF IT CAN WORK OUT BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND YOU CAN FIND SOME PART TIME JOB. IF HE CAN WATCH KIDS WHEN HE IS AT HOME AND AT THAT PERIOD OF TIME YOU CAN GO TO WORK THAT'S HOW YOU DON'T HAVE TO PAY FOR BABY SITTING EITHER. SO YOU CAN BRING SOME MONEY AND YOU CAN GO OUT TOO, SO YOU DON'T FEEL THAT YOU DON'T HAVE ANY OUT SIDE LIFE. JUST BE STRONG AND BELIEVE IN YOUR SELF. I KNOW YOU BOTH CAN DO IT. GOOD LUCK.