My husband is on a volunteer fire department and sometimes it seems that he puts it above me and our 11 mnth old son. I would understand if he got paid for this but he doesn't. Matter of fact he doesn't have a job and we are living with his grandparents. He doesn't try to look for a job. I am still very young. I am only 20 years old. Should I just cut my losses and move on?
2007-01-04 05:52:25 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Please seek marriage counseling! Any marriage can be saved with hard work! If he won't go, go for yourself. I go to a faith based counselor and I find it more beneficial having God in my life and to find out what I'm doing that may be destructive beahvior to my family. Never give up! Ask yourself what you need to change, how will you, and how will you continue these changes to make them apart of your life instead of making false promises and changing for a month or two. I'm not siding with your husband, I think he needs to get a job and support his family, but since you recognize the problem, take a stand and do something about it instead of sitting on the sidelines. Any marriage can be saved! Open up the Bible and I can guarantee you will find your answers. Take care!
2007-01-04 06:35:03 · answer #1 · answered by SillyKimmie 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
yes. You have a son to take care of now. You need your own place and a man who will take care of you and your child before anyone else. Tell him that you understand his passion for the fire department, and you think it is grand that he volunteers, it is a very noble thing to do. But he should care more about his own family than the other family's. Maybe tell him that you can't live there much longer with his grandparents and your an adult a parent now. Tell him that maybe he could get another job that pays and just do the volunteer thing on the weekends or every other weekend and a few nights a week. If he wont do that then you need to leave him b/c he will just keep bringing you down. Good luck.
2007-01-04 05:58:01 · answer #2 · answered by Lovely Lady 27 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Any marieage takes work, it doesn't come easy. If he is so interested in the Fire Department, why doesn't he join the Academy and become a full time Firefighter? And not to sound harsh, but do you have a job? Being a stay at home mom can sometimes be a luxury we all can't afford. Don't rely on him to make all the money when you are perfectly able to get child care and make some too. If you left him you would have to get a job anyway, right?
2007-01-04 06:02:55 · answer #3 · answered by Mitchy 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Oh. I thought he worked at the department. I didnt know it was volunteer. In that case, you probably need to cut your losses and go back to school, get a degree, get a good job, and support your child. Do not rely on a man to support you. He sounds like an irresponsible child with a wife and baby.
2007-01-04 05:56:30 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're right, you're both young. You should consider putting your son up for adoption, because it's just too soon in your life to have kids.
Then, after the adoption is finalized, get a divorce from the deadbeat unemployed husband.
Then, pursue a college education. Get a 4-year degree, and get a career; or meet a handsome grad student who's working on his MBA, and trade up.
Your son will get a better life, being adopted into a family that can afford to raise him;
Your deadbeat ex might get a clue and get a job, but who cares?
You get a chance at a much better life too.
You can reconnect with your son when you're 39, assuming you're both ready.
2007-01-04 07:57:38 · answer #5 · answered by SoCalSkierGuy 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Not sure that's the best idea... Single mothers are growing in numbers and studies do show children have a better chance of being successful with both parents at home...Did you know he was like this when you married him??? was he jobless then??? Did he look for a job before you had you child??? A lot of times we get caught up in life and love and miss the details...
IMHO I think you should exhaust all resources until you've tried everything to make it work...then leave...you're still young and have a lot of time to make yourself happy... but I wouldn't cut the father of your child and your husband unless it is really your only option...
2007-01-04 06:05:29 · answer #6 · answered by Dave B 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Once again you need to speak to him about getting a job and put his priorities in order. Since he is just a volunteer he needs put family first, finding a job second and the the fire department
2007-01-04 05:57:12 · answer #7 · answered by Mike 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What is stopping you. You got a bf, that thinks he is a big shot fireman. It is volunteer so he does not have like a 40 hour week. Probably, spends a couple of hours a week, playing big shot hero minus the dollars. If he isn't looking for work, dump him now and not wait till you are 25 to finally figure this out.
2007-01-04 05:56:28 · answer #8 · answered by Big C 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your unable to resolve issues between you, then I'd suggest a 3rd party. It seems some counseling assistance is necessary here. He can still do his volunteer work if he so chooses. HOWEVER, he definitely needs to be employed. Whether he's married, single, a parent, whatever.......JOB comes first. And his g'parents, tho being very kind, are not doing either of you any favors. EVERYONE needs to be self reliant. Does he plan on taking care of his g'parents when the time comes???
2007-01-04 05:59:08 · answer #9 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well the voluntee fireman is something that we need so being that is one thing and sometimes that will come before family.....its emegency situations. But if he doesnt even have a job.....and doesnt seem like he wants his family. I would.....It will be hard but you would be much better off getting help where you live and get on your own two feet. Thats just my opinion. The answer has to come within yourself.
2007-01-04 05:58:48 · answer #10 · answered by Believe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋