I have been married for 4 years and been with the same girl for 12 years. Recently I started to hang out with another woman because she understood where I was coming from being unhappy and not and really understood me as a person. This woman is 35 and has 2 kids. At first when visiting her I would go when the kids were in bed, but recently being around her and the kids I have become attached. My wife and I have been fighting and my home life has been hell the past year. I feel relieved and happy when I am around this other lady and she feels the same way. I have come to a point were I do not care about my wife and my life with her there. Is this wrong? I feel as though I had tried in the past to get through this but with no success. Now I think I am falling for this other woman. Am I a complete ***@#$ for feeling this way and thinking about divorce? Do I continue living a double life which is how I felt before this other woman? What do I do?
2007-01-04 05:51:16 · 17 answers · asked by Oppie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You have willingly strayed. You have took your love and given it to another woman. There is absolutely no reason why you could not have shown you wife the same attention. That's why you two were always fighting. You were not trying to maintain your marriage. Straighten up and fly right!
2007-01-04 05:55:46 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem is that you are trying to move on with out closing out the past. This will cause unnessary problems in the end. If you are not happy in your marrage you should have enough respect for your wife, esspecially if you have been together this long, to end it before you start another relationship. If things are as bad as you say at home then your wife may even embrace the idea of a divorce. But moving on and pretending to be in a honest marrage is wrong. Sit down talk to your wife. Let her know you are unhappy. Do you have kids of your own? If so think of them as well. If not think of the womens kids that you are seeing. By being with their mother are you setting a good example? Also, who's to say you will eventually marry this new women? You would be just ending a marrage. Do you really want to jump into another family so soon? You have alot to think about. Either way living a double life is not good.
2007-01-04 06:04:54 · answer #2 · answered by tiye1231 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't have been hanging around with another woman while still married to your wife. Maybe your home life is bad because you're not there. It does not sound like you have tried everything you can to save your marriage, it sounds like you have already given up. I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just telling you my observation. Please don't take offense to the above statements.
Your choices, at this point, are go to counseling and see if you can save your marriage, and quit seeing this other woman, or sit down and tell your wife how unhappy you are and that you want out. It's not right to continue seeing someone else and leave your wife hanging. Whatever decision you make is going to be a hard one, best of luck to you, hang in there!
2007-01-04 06:15:44 · answer #3 · answered by Proud to be 59 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you just aren't happy in your marriage. No, you aren't an *** for having feelings, but leading a double life (half of it being behind your wife's back) is a cowardly way of getting out of it. You need to either file for divorce, or come clean with your wife. If I were you I would temporarily call it quits with this other woman while the divorce is being finalized...it can make for a messy ending. I don't condone cheating in any form, and even if you haven't been physical with this new chick, you have already cheated, emotionally. That part is bad. You should have gotten out of the marriage before doing so. It hurts both of you by doing that, and you already see what it's done to you on your end of the bargain. You need to take care of some business, man.
Be responsible, and take care! :)
2007-01-04 05:58:41 · answer #4 · answered by polishedamethyst 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Relationships are always easier and much more "fun", when you don't really know each other yet, and don't spend all of your extra time together, raising kids, paying bills, and just dealing with the day to day stuff that married people do. You and your "friend" are in the (excuse the expression) honeymoon stage, that all relationships go through in the beginning. Things are always great in the beginning of any relationship, until you discover each others quirks and real attitudes.
I have no doubt that after 12 yrs. with this other lady you will probably feel the same way you do now with your wife.
If you are truly unhappy, leave your wife before she finds out that the man she has wasted 12 yrs. of her life with has been unfaithful.
I just hope you don't have kids of your own......how would they feel to know that daddy is visiting with and spending time with his girlfriends kids and not at home with them!!??
When it comes down to it you will end up hurting them all (wife, girlfriend, and the kids).
2007-01-04 06:08:55 · answer #5 · answered by littlemomma 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont live a double life, live your life the way you want it. Chances are, if you're that unhappy, so is your wife, and if you stay together, neither one of you will get to experience love at its finest. If you don't love her, dont let guilt or fear keep you together. You're not only cheating your wife, and this other woman, but also yourself.. Be honest, and then, when the whirlwhind is over, be happy. Best of luck, and just know that in no way does this make you a bad person, it only makes you human!
2007-01-04 05:56:07 · answer #6 · answered by brandi91082 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So you are a married man who is seeing another women and have grown attached to her and now, you are confused and in need of some advice. You claim to be searching for happiness and you are unhappy with your marriage.
First I would like to say, that the first mistake that you made was to continue talking with this other women knowing that you have a wife at home for you. What you should have done then, was focus on saving your marriage. So a new lady comes into your life and you think it is okay to find comfort in her and get attached emotionally. You are wrong. I have no simpathy for you. Yes, you are a complete ****** for doing what you are doing. I have seen this type of behavior in people I know, and I can tell you it is very DESTRUCTIVE behavior. You are not helping yourself, nor your marriage, nor are you helping this other lady and her kids. You should not have even let yourself get to this point, where you are attached. That is just ridiculous.
So you are now confused (I am sure you were confused for years before this new lady came into your life) and you need some advice. My advice is to drop this lady immediate. I do not care if you find comfort in her, if you have grown attached. I know I am being blunt, and honest, and many harsh, but if you want to improve yourself, stop seeing her now. What type of women, friend is she to try to get in between a marriage, in between you and your wife. I do not care of your wife is psycho and you do not like to be with her. You have been with her for 12 yrs, married with her for 4, there must be something beautiful about her... but that is not the point. The point is that if you felt unhappy in your marriage you should have been trying to work things out, counsiling, improving communication (since clearly there is none)... but NO, you decide to LIE, CHEAT, BETRAY, SNEEK AROUND, break your vows with your wife, basically everything that you guys had has gone down the drain. No looking back. So I recommend, you come clean to your wife. Tell her everything and try to work things out with her.
Honestly, both of these women do not seem like good matched for you. I think you need some help. Seek a counsilor, get your life straight, most importantly get your priorities straight. Try to improve yourself. Your actions are HURTING other people around you and yourself. But YOU need to be more responsible. MOVE ON. You need your space, time, and you have some deep issues to take care of before pursuing a relationship.
I hope you come clean now and do the right thing.
Best
2007-01-04 06:08:07 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you owe your wife an honest discussion. Find out if the both of you are willing to try and make your marriage work. If so, go to counseling and be honest about everything. If not, go your separate ways but get your life in order instead of dragging this woman and her two kids into what will be a messy situation.
2007-01-04 05:59:46 · answer #8 · answered by CA DIVA 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps this is bad advice, but I've been in both those women's shoes. As the wife, I'd rather you leave me than live a lie and sneak around and humiliate me. As the other woman, I'd expect you to try to make things work with your wife before you came to me because if we eventually had problems, would you do the same thing to me? As myself, I would say that life is short and if you love someone you should go for it!
2007-01-04 05:56:48 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you need to sit down and think of why you fell in love with your wife......was it her personality, sense of humor or the way she looks. Has the spark left? If it has, then try to spice it up, try new things or the old things that you used to do and have stopped doing. You need to be honest with your wife and let her know what is going on, don't leave her in the dark.
Have you talked about seeing some to talk about your problems?
2007-01-04 06:27:29 · answer #10 · answered by davidnicolewilson 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋