It was 3 weeks prior to xmas that we started continuously row. It has been down to my unfounded suspicions and jealousies which have ruined my relationship. It has been wearing us both down. He is always secreative about his mobile messages, calls and emails. I just remembered his email address and snooped in to find a xmas card sent from him to a female friend of his in Russia who he fancies. By Boxing day night he told me he is visiting his friend in Finland (who is married and happily) and the pair of them are travelling to St peterbergs to see this mutual friend of theirs..and that I am not invited to travel with them. He does like to travel on his own. I did not expect this when I moved in with him.
There is now an and has been a lack of affection and distance between us. He cannot see us spending the rest of our lives with each other and also he is not sure if he loves me.I asked him to try again, he said yes and has been sweet . Do I agree to him going to Russia?
2007-01-04 05:46:31 · 11 answers · asked by Sani 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Ok, since you asked for advice I'm gonna give it :) Based on what you've written here's what I think:
You mention that you've been arguing for the last 3 weeks and that the cause of the arguments has been your, "unfounded suspicions and jealousies which have ruined my relationship."
I don't think you're being fair to yourself. Sure you might not have solid proof that he's up to something but you are living together and he's getting secret mobile messages? Living together involves a level of commitment that is beyond the stage of hiding things from each other. Maybe he isn't up to something - but if he isn't why is he hiding stuff from you? And why would he continue to hide stuff from you when he knows it bothers you so much?
As for travelling without you - by all means let the jerk go off by himself - if you're lucky he'll stay there! Seriously, you are living together and he doesn't want you to go with him? What the crap is that all about?
I'm really sorry but if he can't see the two of you spending the rest of your lives together you should stop wasting your time. You don't want to spend the rest of your life feeling like you do now. Yeah he might be a great guy - but there's a difference between being 'great' and being 'great for you'.
You deserve to be happy. You need to look at this situation objectively and honestly and ask yourself if you're really happy with this guy. And if the answer is no, move on. And don't ever stay in a relationship because you think you can't find someone else - because you can - and besides, being alone is better than being stuck in a crappy relationship! Trust me :)
Good luck to you! I hope you find your happiness!
2007-01-04 06:54:40 · answer #1 · answered by Wine From Your Tears 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have no choice bird. Its his life and you haven no right to tell him what to do. Grow up and let him lead his own life because you are pushing him away. The best thing you can do is say yes go, have a great time. Dont forget to send me a postcard!!! Otherwish he will resent you and the relationship is over. When hes away, why not live a little. Then, you got summat interesting to talk about when he gets back!!! Dont give him the satisfaction of knowing he has got to you. You probrally have nothing to worry about!
2007-01-04 05:55:50 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you have done your best to mend this and it isn;t working. At least your husband is standing by you on this. I would also have some resentment against her for what she pushed you into as far as the abortion was concerned. It seems as if she has something against you and never wanted you to be in her sons life to begin with. For what reasons, who knows? You've done your best so don't beat yourself up over it. It;s all on her now and if she chooses to be bitter and cruel then that is on her, not you. Hang in there. Hopefully with time things will mend.
2016-05-23 03:04:27 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know it is really hard but i think that when someone you think loves you tells you they are not sure that they love you and cant see you spending the rest of there lifes with you then its time to move on and find someone that is going treat you the way you deserve and want to be treated . yes let him go to russia but dont let him come back to you. i think its admirable that he has been really sweet and has given it another chance but i think his heart isnt in it. they say if you love someone set them free and if they truelly feel the same they will come back to you but if they dont then just get back out there good luck and dont let him break your heart
2007-01-04 06:00:52 · answer #4 · answered by samantha l 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you agree or not it does not matter sounds like he is going.u just have to accept that.go out and have some fun with your friends u have a life to. the lack of love and affection is not good a good sign u neead that or wots the point with being with some one .
2007-01-04 05:55:57 · answer #5 · answered by Ally S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, Russian women are after British blokes to marry. He`s after a leg over far enough out of your way.
2007-01-04 05:51:30 · answer #6 · answered by The BudMiester 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is interesting I came across your question. I have been through a similar experience and perhaps I can cast some light on to yours from a male point-of-view. I have been married for over five years. Over the past two years or so, our relationship wasn’t going all that well, and we both ran into situations where we were unfaithful to eachother, but yet we stuck by all the same. One key issue we had was a reciprocal one where I was almost too eager to please and serve my wife and do as she wished, support her, and she was happy to be quite controlling. She was happy to control, but deeper down there was a missing part of her that needed to be controlled itself – I was not providing that. As much as on the surface she seemed happy with that, she also needed someone to guide her and offer perhaps some ‘control’. One day she met a man who was almost opposite to me – someone who gave her a hard time, challenged her and gave her guidance. As much as he wasn’t comforting to her, he did offer her things that I did not. They became very close. As time went on, it was almost like he was handling all the tough stuff whilst my wife came to me for comfort and the ‘nice stuff’. However, as the main heat of her control was lifted from me, I became stronger and more perhaps what a man should be – to be in control, making decisions and being more assertive. This lead to us drifting apart as I also became more challenging to my wife and in fact have helped her out more as a result, but what got us together in the first place was no longer there. One day I was on a business trip where I met an incredibly beautiful Russian girl who was very feminine and kind, and perhaps much more suited to the new more masculine character. I quite fell in love with her. However, she was only visiting but after she left we kept in touch by text, email, flowers, letters and all such things. Not long after that I decided I needed time out to work out what to do about my marriage and life in general, so I went travelling where I met many women including the girl I met when I visited Russia. I was away for six months travelling alone. On my return my wife and I spent much time together working out what to do. Recently we decided that our marriage was not working, and are now going through a divorce. However, it is an unusual divorce as we are still friends and I feel perhaps we always will be. Things have just changed. What I would suggest to you is that firstly you need to try and let go of your controlling him – your jealousy and intense feelings are lead by your insecurities. You fear losing your man. However at the same time, those feelings are just the things that are pushing him away. Of course I do not know whether he really loves you or not, but what I would say is that even if he does want to go away off with other girls for a while, DOES NOT mean he doesn’t love you. He may even fancy these girls and want to bed them, but I think the key thing is he probably feels he needs some space. He may not realise it. He may have inside him bitter feelings about you and your intense ways, and how things don’t seem to be working out. At the same time he may be feeling the “grass is greener on the other side” – indeed I had a great time when I was in Russia, but when one is visiting things like a holiday are always easier and more fanciful than reality. I have come to the realisation that after having such intense feelings for such a long time for this girl in Russia, in the end I know very little about her day to day life. It is also a “distance romance” – meaning most of my feelings are not reality but just ideals I have made in my head – they are not real. I am guessing you are both quite young (I am 27). I would say what you need to do is try to relax, and let go of your jealousy and realise that in fact your man going to travel is ideal in many ways. If he really loves you, he will miss you and when he returns he will realise that you are the girl for him. If he returns and you realise things aren’t happening, then perhaps it is not meant to be. You will both have time and space to think. HOWEVER – if you continue now with these intense ways and feelings now before he leaves – those things will be the last things printed on his mind. So do not question his motives for going away – let him go – support his decision, but also try to have a good time. Relax – cook him a nice romantic dinner together and take care of him – let him know you love and support him. Remember too that you are both individuals – it is not your decision to let him go or not. If you refuse to let him go – it will damage things further. Don’t let him know that you fear losing him and you are insecure – that will feed his negative feelings but will also allow him to go off in a negative direction in which he feels you will be there no matter what. If you are relaxed then he will realise that he can in fact lose you. If he goes away with good thoughts, but appreciates that he could lose you if he is not careful, then with time he may well return. If not though – there are plenty of more fish in the sea – but if you don’t like fish – there are other men too.
2007-01-04 06:28:25 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
what a sad tale lass, dump him, move on.....why to many decent blokes out there for you to waste your pastry on this chump
2007-01-04 06:41:19 · answer #8 · answered by Tikcus 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why bother putting yourself through the grief while he was away, end it now for both of your sakes
2007-01-04 07:18:20 · answer #9 · answered by lizard 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
face it gal he's lost interest, move on and find someone who really loves you.
2007-01-04 08:09:36 · answer #10 · answered by dingbat 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋