Husband Troubles?

Question

My husband is on the fire department and sometimes it seems that he puts it above me and our 11 mnth old son. I am still very young. I am only 20 years old. Should I just cut my losses and move on?

Answer 1

No, I know it's tough for you right now, but did you vow to marry him for better and WORSE? there are times in every marriage where you think you don't want to be with this person, but you have to choose to work through it. I've gotten divorced and I had to make the choice to tear apart my children's world and rip their dreams from them, but my ex was abusive. I hung on though for 7 years! Work it out with him. try to get some councilling. If he's young as well and just beginning his career, he's developing a sense of who he is and his career. As a man, he is driven to provide for you and your son. Be glad he's not a bum! Don't forget that he became a parent young like you did and hasn't had much time to "sow his oats" and figure out who he is. At your ages, he's not as likely to be pumped to come home at the end of the day to his family like a more established man would. He is young and energetic and this job with the fire department is his opportunity to mean something and he probably feels more respected at work. It's a guy thing. That being said, as your husband, he needs to try to understand that you need his time too. He has to be able to say "no" to overtime to put his family first and develop relationships with you and your son. This is fixable!!! Don't give up homey!!! My hubby is a cop so we went through this too. I can see both your perspectives. good luck!!
By the way... if you are already considering "cutting your losses" over this...it's likely you won't make it in the long haul. Believe me, marriage is much harder than this, but oh so rewarding if you push through the hard times. You are young to be married, I married my first hubby at 18 then had kids right away. I know what you are going through!

Answer 2

If you weren't ready to be the wife of a firefighter you shouldn't have taken the job.Because sometimes that is what being a wife is a job.It is a thankless one sometimes too.But what ever you do you shouldn't give the man any grief over his job.Not only does bugging him about his cause him to be distracted.But it also could cause him or one of his co-workers their life.It take a lot of dedication and contraction to do his job.Besides you also need to look at it this way it isn't like he can just not show up for work.If he doesn't get to were he is need when he is needed there.I could cost some Innocent person their life or at very least their home.You need to not be so selfish.I could see you complaining it he was out running the streets with his friends.But he isn't he is doing his job.You should think hard about calling an end to your marriage.Because the next guy you think is so great just because he is home every night could end up being a complete worthless but. At least your husband has a job and I assume isn't abusive.You should thank god for what you have and quit complaining.Oh yeah and using your age isn't an excuse I have been with my husband since I was 17 years old.You can't use that too young to know better or care excuse for ever.

Answer 3

Have you told him how you feel? If you have and he still insists on spending so much time at the fire dept., you should do what my neighbor did...join the fire dept.! I know with a small child, it's hard to do but even if you could volunteer once or twice a week it might shed some light on the problem. Is he really into what he does there or is he escaping from his responsibilities @ home? Don't jump too quick into the divorce thing...if you love him, TALK to him and try to make things right. Find out what's going on in his head. If he refuses to talk openly w/you, then any relationship will be hard to maintain. Best wishes...

Answer 4

No, you should buck up and accept adulthood. Successful men work alot to provide a good life for their family. My husband works a minimum of 12 hours per day at least 5 days a week and sometimes 6 days a week. It involves corporate meetings, dinners, and occasionally travel. But we are able to live better than most because of his strong work ethic. My ex husband was obsessed about me and made crappy money so he could be home more. You will start to resent not having what you need, when you need it, and so will the children. Believe me...I've been on both sides of the fence.

Answer 5

Marriage is hard..period. It sounds like you got married young and that maybe your husband is naive about life and relationships. If you did not want to stick it out with him why did you get married in the first place? Please don't say it was because you were pregnant......I think you need to sit down and seriously talk things over with him. I also think that being a firefighter is a Noble and demanding job. He probably wants you to admire him for it. Was he a firefighter when you got married? If so then you should have known what life would be like. I think you both need to figure out what you really want and work through it. If you love him then you should be able to get through this. I know it is hard being a young mother and all but things are hard in life. And when the going gets tough.......just think about it.

Answer 6

your husband is in a very demanding profession, and I assume that you knew that going into the marriage. You are not very specific about how your husband puts his profession above you and your son. I would suggest that you and your husband go to marriage counseling. Your husband may not be aware of your feelings.

Yes, you are very young, but now that you have a son, you owe it to him that you try to stay with his father. I think that the only valid reasons for ending a marriage is physical abuse, drug use, or criminal activity.

I was married for six years (but I am widowed now). I am an attorney, and my late wife always used to complain about the long hours and the business trips, but she learned to adjust and get accustomed to my profession. I think with some effort on your part, and some compromise by your husband, you can work things out.

good luck.

Answer 7

What losses do you think you;re suffering? A husband who has a demanding job that involves savings lives is a loss to you? Yes, you are very young. But your baby doesn't need to suffer a broken home because you're too immature to understand the kind of man you chose to marry. Stay, and get some counseling or marriage counseling.

Answer 8

Could you just be feeling this way as you have the baby? I would imagine working for the fire department a tough job and hard to switch off from at the end of a shift. Talk to him and tell him how you feel at the end of the day he is working to put bread and butter on your table

Answer 9

The only way to to resolve your minor problem is to talk it over with your husband. Let there be an honest and open heart to heart communication. Try to rearrange priorities based on mutual consent and create a ME TIME with him depending on his availability. I understand that you are still young and may sometimes felt frustrated because of unmet needs but be reminded always that he is just doing his job which is quite demanding. It is much easier to solve the problem rather than leaving the relationship just to get away with the problem.

Answer 10

Ok, in our area (remote area) the fire department is strictly volunteer so that would be my first question. If it is a volunteer thing, then definitely sit him down and talk to him about it. If it's his job, sorry but you'll have to deal with it (did you know about his job and the time it took BEFORE you married him?). I'm just really surprised that it seems like you are giving up so easy.