I married my wife after only knowing her for a very short time. She was and is a fun and charismatic girl. On a few occasions before I married her I would be with her and lose interest in her, but I put those occasions down to me being tired or in a bad mood. We have been married for three months and I still lose interest and enthusiasm for her on a regular basis. She is a great girl but our personalities are quite different, which may explain why there is a lack of connection between us. I don't know exactly why but I can't deny that I have consistently felt a lack of interest and enthusiasm towards her. I do not mean sexually, but towards her as a person. There is nothing wrong with her though. What do I do?
2007-01-04 04:54:36 · 32 answers · asked by asylumseeker 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Marriages have to be worked at, and hard, so you shouldn't expect that it is ever easy. I'm guessing that when you meet someone for the first time you are interested in them because there is something new to discover about them and then, as you know someone more, you get complacent. They're not so interesting any more. You can always tell who are the married couples in a restaurant because they're the ones who are eating in silence ... everything has been said between them and there is no new conversation. I'd try to encourage your wife to develop some new interests or have some time away from you, with her friends or at evening classes, so you both have independent time. You should also do the same. That way, when you are together you both bring something new and fresh to your marriage and you are still finding out stuff about each other.
I'm sure you will be offered lots of solutions but this will definitely help. Marriages can be suffocated by spending too much time together, develop interests together and apart from each other. And remember, marriages are not just about love and sex, you must have a deep and true friendship - that is the part that will endure during the bad times.
Good luck, I hope it all works out for you
2007-01-04 05:00:40 · answer #1 · answered by gorgeousfluffpot 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is the exact reason why people should understand the divorce laws before they say I do!!! Why would you go for someone that you lose interest in before you marry? Try to find common ground to work on the marriage or end it because it is a shame to be hooked up to a wagon that is not going anywhere. It sounds like it will not get any better as time goes on so the sooner the best. Good luck
2007-01-04 05:10:53 · answer #2 · answered by chancesare45 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Work together on your marriage, you may be having these feelings not because of her, but because what marriage might mean to you. Maybe subconsiously you feel tied down & disapointed. You might have your own baggage to work through. My husband & I have very different personalities, but that is what is great, we appreciate what the other one brings to the marriage, the balance that we need. Carefully open up to her. I love it when my husband & I lay in bed w/o any distractions & just talk, one of those bonding conversations, where we carefully word what we say, but we get our insecurities, things that bug us, our dreams, everything out in the open. You need to get to know her better. Get away together, maybe try something new, like a cooking class, or dancing, something. Do something that she is into & you not so much, she would love it, & might return the gesture.
2007-01-04 05:05:42 · answer #3 · answered by shouldbworkn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Remember that old adage, "marry in haste, repent at leisure"? There might not be anything "wrong" with her however you either love her or you don't. It seems you don't really and you can't make yourself feel that way towards someone. So, why don't you do both of you a favour before you end up resenting each other. You need to communicate how you feel. She will be hurt but she will heal and get over you to find someone who truly loves her.
2007-01-04 05:02:03 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe you are worried that you married to quick and this worry is blurring your feelings for your wife, maybe you are finding out things about her that you didn't know before and you don't like it. You do not say even once that you love her! maybe you don't and that's why it didn't occur to you write it in your question. Go to relate counselling by yourself to help you work out your feelings then when you have the answers sit down and tell her how you feel and where you want your marriage to go.
You went to the trouble of getting wed so it's only fair to go to the trouble of doing all you can to make this marriage work, or if it can't then let her find someone who really loves her and she can feel truly happy with.
2007-01-04 06:47:07 · answer #5 · answered by Smoochy Poochy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No i haven't, you didn't say why you got married so quick, and although there is nothing wrong in doing so, many do find that by going out for a time before helps to see a greater person over all.I gather you love her,only again you haven't said.I think there's more to this then you are letting on,which of course is your own business,but doesn't help us to help you.
2007-01-04 05:05:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The obvious question is...why on earth did you marry someone for whom you have only an occasional interest?
You are going to have to do something about this or you are going to end up wasting years of yours and her lives.
We do not fall in love with people because there is not much wrong with them. Did you never ask yourself if you loved her?
Normally I would suggest you go to relate, but I think maybe you ought to try some counselling on your own first because there is something not right about how you got into this situation.
2007-01-04 04:59:59 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you could talk to her and FIND something that you are both interested in. Make it a priority to spend time with each other learning about what each of you is in to. You'd be surprised on how far communication goes. Ask yourself this, Would you want out of the marriage or is it worth saving? Marriages have bigger problems than what you have and it's not fair for her not to be aware of what's going on.
2007-01-04 05:00:32 · answer #8 · answered by Jo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have not got to know her for long enough whirlwind romances or marriages very rarely work out i would say you are just getting to know each other for the first year of your relationship then you should know how you feel about each other if i were in your shoes i would explain how you feel she may feel the same way and then if its still the same you should both move on to find better and more compatible relationships .why be unhappy you have only one chance at life good luck for the future
2007-01-04 07:10:00 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK This is your wife and not once did you use the word love....what's wrong with that picture?I would say you need to talk to a counselor and find out how to communicate better.Sounds like something you should have done before the wedding..huh?Good luck
2007-01-04 05:03:14 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋