Should I beoffended and bothered?

Question

For about a year now, I have been fed up with my 2 friends who are married.This goes back to when she got pregnant and they stopped wanting to do anything but sit at thier house.That's fine and dandy, but sometimes I feel you just want to go out to enjoy frineds and family.I have gone out with them 1 time in the last year to hang out, not including being at their place or their parent's place.
For Christmas, I bought them a gift card to a restaurant hoping they may go out and enjoy themselves.I also bought their sons some toys.I received no gift in return.Let me state for the record that I know Christmas is about giving, but it is also the thought that counts.Should this bother me as much as it has?
They ask me via the internet why they don't hear from me and I am torn on how to respond.I want to tell them that I am sick of going over there to help them watch their children and feel they only call when they need soemthing.Is telling them (again) that the phone works both way wrong?

Her parents live in the neighborhood next to mine and are usually willing to watch the children for a few hours.

Also, they are not even a year old yet, so keep that in mind.

I a not insensitive to their needs as a family, and I am not offended or hurt that they don't have time for me. That is fine, but don't expect me to be at your beck and call when you need something, yet you never call me for no reason.

Answer 1

i've been in a similar situation. it's hard to adjust to your friends having a new focus in life. i'm sure they've been having an adjustment period as well, and may be financially strapped so could not get you a gift. i used to get my friends & their kids gifts & rarely got anything in return because they were so broke. so i stopped getting them things, just a token present for the child which they appreciated more than gifts for them.
if i were you, try telling them how you feel in a mature way, about the lack of time with them. forget about the gifts.

Answer 2

You are right, but you are also a bit insensitive to other people's lives. You probably can't imagnie what happens to you when you have young children. You have no time you can call you own. Do they have anyone they can call for babysitting? Probably not. Did you tell them you think it would do them some good to get out of the house for a couple of hours?
I wouldn't give them Christmas gifts any more, but see if you can find a way to spend time with them. Even if you went to a concert in a park, where the kids could run around but still be watched by their parents, it might help. A lot of kids can't really handle restaurants until they are older. Probably you can come up with some ideas.

Answer 3

I can relate! Some of my close friends are married and have babies and it is a different ball game than just being single or in a relationship not married.

I think of it as they are in another stage of life than me and have different responsibilities than I do. My boyfriend and I don't have anyone to go out with b/c all our friends are married with kids. So we usually end up just chilln' with them and babysitting. When our friends do get a chance to get out we try to show them the best time b/c we know they have stresses that we don't have.

Being a parent and spouse is a huge responsibility and if you are going to be a good friend you just have to try to understand and try to stick it out until you reach that stage too.

I also think it's important to let your friend know your neglected feelings and maybe you guys can work something out with the wife where you can have boy's night out every couple of weeks. If he's your friend then he will understand your feelings too.

As far as Christmas...I brought all 4 new babies in my life presents and didn't get anything back from my friends. But babies are expensive and so is having a family. Maybe they are just stressed for money.

It's all about understanding and compromise...

Answer 4

you should be honest with your friends maybe they are not as close to you as you are to them, sometimes you can love or care for someone more than they do you and they know it but you be the last to find out! Tell them how you feel like they are using you and if they don't get mad find some new friends besides you only find 3 real friends your entire life. I am not talking about family I am talking about someone who you can call on and trust with your heart and soul. Someone can feel when you are down and they know just the right thing to make you laugh i am 28 and I only have 1 like that so finding friends are like finding a mate you have to be extra careful who you call a friend

Answer 5

Speaking as a new mom (my son is 7 months) I understand your friend's reluctance to hit the streets. As new parents, our since of responsibility changes and we tend to lean more towards nurturing our new little miracles. However, I also understand that you'd like to spend time with your friend as you did earlier and you're a bit upset by the turn in your friendship. What you need to understand is, her priorities are different....she's not footloose and fancyfree any more and her child comes first.

If you feel that your friend needs to make more time for you, you're not really understanding what becoming a parent entails....maybe it's just me, but you're being a bit selfish....regardless of the fact that she has parents who are willing to babysit, the fact remains that she wants to be with her child. If you feel that she only calls for favors, let her know that you're not her errand boy and would appreciate a courtesy call every now and again as opposed to calls making requests.

Answer 6

They have responsibility of a family now...........you don't. Move on. Find some friends that have similar interests. If they do not reciprocate on the gift giving, that's fine, no big deal. Sounds like they have changed. Maybe it's time you do as well.

Answer 7

When lifestyles change relationships with friends are bound to be altered as well. Their needs are drastically changed with the marriage and kids and that is where they are at so it is unlikely they have time for you like before.... it REALLY should not be personal although that seems to be a contradiction. Maybe you feel hurt and rejected? Personally I have found when the marriage and kids come they simply dont have time for me.

Answer 8

my best friend started dating another one of my friends and she got back in touch with her old friends ever since my best friend does not call me and because i can't drive at night i don't see them either cause they get off after dark now mind you i live across the street from their job and the go home instead of stopping by for a bit they live thirty min up the highway i am getting annoyed to and this has hurt my feelings very badly

yes you have every right to be up set

Answer 9

nop