My partner and I have been together for more than 10 years and although I do beleive he does want children he is frightened of committing. He has been at the point twice in the past and has then changed his mind and made excuses. It is frustrating and I cannot help becoming resentful. I feel he is making me risk my fertility.
2007-01-04 04:02:08 · 10 answers · asked by Sammy 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Trying to Conceive
10 years is a very long time. If you can find a way to separate the emotions and be realistic, you have to ask yourself the following questions honestly to yourself (the writing is always on the wall it depends on whther you take any notice of or heed to it);
1. Given his track record, is it likely that he will change his mind.
2. Does he love you enough? (I'm sure you love him hence wanting to bear his children)
3. How important are children to you? (i.e. more important than him?)
If your answer to 3 is "very" or anything like that, you are currently backing the wriong horse. It will take all the strength you never thought you had to take a stand.
Guys always know what they want and who they want to be with. Believe it or not. You don't want to get to a stage where you are putting you body through the miller, shelling out grands on IVF surrogates or any other conception related issue later on in life only to feel fustrated or at worst inadequate because you were "hoping" he would change is mind, get a mind or make up his mind.
You need to start making decisions for the both of you, don't wait for him. I do not advocate deceit but I do endorse shedding excess luggage.
Good Luck.
2007-01-04 06:16:25 · answer #1 · answered by The Cat 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My partner and I have been together for 5 years and are getting married next year. He knew from the start of the relationship that eventually I wanted children and 18 months into the relationship I fell pregnant whilst on the pill. Whilst my partner was scared and unsure about impending parenthood he is the most amazing father.
If you are really that unhappy with where the relationship is going you have to sit him down and explain that your life will not be complete without children, and that if he cannot give you what you need you will find someone who will. If he really is committed to you he will realise how unhappy this is making you and you can come to a compromise. If not I think he's just stringing you along and doesn't really want children. Either way you have the right to know!
2007-01-04 12:40:43 · answer #2 · answered by niccog26 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand how you feel, it is a difficult situation. What you first need to think about is what would happen if you fell pregnant - although you think he may deep down inside really want children and be happy if it REALLY happened you need to consider what would happen if he just didnt come round to the idea-ie
would you be prepapred to bring the baby up alone if he wouldnt commit to being a father? Would you be prepared to get rid of the baby if it was the baby or your relationship? If you could cope with neither off these scenarios, you cant chance falling pregnant even if you do think he will be ok as he is just frightened now. What if he didnt come round to idea & you were left alone with these difficult decisions? Talk to him about the situation, ask him how he would react if you fell pregnant. Tell him how you would react also. Explain how you feel, sometimes being brutely honest can help, he may open up too. If having a family for you is a big priority you need to consider what you want more, and if you love this man enough to stay with him as you are with no children. If you do, you need to know you wont resent him in the future regarding this. I hope it all works out for you. x
2007-01-05 05:14:33 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would talk to him and tell him, that you are ready to have a commitment and that 10 years is more than long enough to wait. I would then give him a time limit to decide if he can commit or not, and if he can't then you need to reconsider the relationship, because if 10 years is not long enough he may never be ready. You will then have to decide if you would rather have him, or if you want to look for a man who will commit and give you the children you want. You 2 may also want to try couples conseling if he is scared to commit, but would like to be able to do so. This is your life and you have to decide when it has been to long, and you can't keep your life stalled for him anymore. Best of Luck to you both.
2007-01-04 12:13:37 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think that after 10years you and your partner know each other well enough, i really feel that you should sit down with your partner and ask him to be completely honest with you, talk it through with him, tell him you know that a a child is a big commitment,and that you totally understand that having a baby would affect the both of you for the rest of you life's, but there comes a time in our life's that we know that having a baby would make your world complete,( a bit like when you get married), explain how you feel and what having a child means to you,and why, explain that you love him and want to always be with him, ask him why is he so scared of this commitment when you have been together for so long already, listen to him, talk with him, tell him you love him, reassure him of any fears he may have, but don't get resentful or frustrated with him or angry, be calm and understanding, or he might feel like your backing him into a corner and wont listen, good luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-01-04 13:31:11 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
some men are scared. I suggest you get a real commitment our of him first. Like... get married. If he does this, then have a baby with him. I would not just have a baby with him. he sounds like he would get scared and run off. But mabey he just needs more time. although ten years should have been enough. talk to him. ya, that would probably be the best thing to do. tell him your true feelings, how he makes you feel, everything. good luck
2007-01-04 12:13:59 · answer #6 · answered by sr22racing 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Then why are you with him? Move on and find another person, one that loves you enough to commit. Its sad that his issues could break you up, but commitment is the most important basic step in any relationship. Move on now and find a guy that will marry you and give you babies.
2007-01-04 12:09:00 · answer #7 · answered by Velken 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your partner doesn't want children then don't force it on him. It's unfair but also you might end up on your own with the child.
If you really want children than you should be with a partner who feels the same.
2007-01-05 07:58:06 · answer #8 · answered by Stef 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Then maybe honey he is not the right one for you. Your body may be stressed and not able to conceive right now. Stress is a major factor in trying to conceive. Believe me if he can't commit then he isn't the one for you!!!!
2007-01-04 12:50:00 · answer #9 · answered by lilsnob8681 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess children are d best gift in life.....i would live him a find another partner
2007-01-04 12:06:15 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋