He separated from her b/c she "needed to be single again" but she still claims she can get him back anytime she wants. He moved away from her and two kids because he ended up being her personal babysitter and bank. She won't sign the divorce papers saying she doesn't agree with it. Despite the driving distance, my partner tries very hard to see his kids when he can. The kids made it clear they wanted to stay with their mom but she tells my partner that she can't handle them and that they need to come live with us. We haven't the room plus we are expecting twins soon enough. Instead of moving on, she texts and emails that he is a awful father for not supporting HER and her kids. She calls him names and told people (including myself) that he got me pregnant to get back at her and they probably aren't even his babies. I know he needs to keep contact with his kids but lately, his ex is using them to continue the harassment. I'm pregnant and don't need extra stress and grudges. Suggestions?
2007-01-04 03:49:57 · 27 answers · asked by Smileyface 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't think u should handle it at all. he should. stop talkin to her if she can not be respectful. make a decision on whether u wanna be in a relationship that may very well end up with u being a stepmom to his kids. as long as he's payin child support and seeing the kids when he can ignore her. why should u care if she's questionin whether the kids are his or not. why do u care what she thinks? unless there's some truth to what she's sayin. . . .
2007-01-04 04:07:34 · answer #1 · answered by feetal2003 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I am in the same boat only we have the kids. By taking them and raising them, her jealousy will only get worse because she won't be able to deal with the fact that you have the husband and the kids. I, too, wish my husband would grow a spine and tell the meddling, troublesome ex- to get her own life...because if he doesn't the game playing continues. Tell him to let her know that he doesn't want her and has a new life so quit the dramatics or you will take your twins and go. You don't need the stress or to feel inferior to this woman. Put your foot down NOW as over time it becomes a normal way of life and he will expect you to put up with it. My advise about the kids, have him take control of the situation and make the arrangements. Even if it means she makes him feel like he is being a jerk.
2007-01-04 12:02:32 · answer #2 · answered by LaRae 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and your man should go as a team to tell that woman that she needs to move on for the sake of the kids. They need a strong woman in their life, not her drama. Too bad you don't have the room in your place with the twins coming and all, but she would just try to use them as pawns to attempt to make him jump for her anyway. Don't worry, she isn't much. Don't let her drama steal your joy. You deserve better, and so do your babies, they feel all your emotion.
Divorce is possible after a year apart wether she likes it or not. Have your guy figure out what he wants to do concerning the kids on legal paper, then that part is taken care of. The rest can be done by divorce kit ($30 from a book store) with the other documentations attached.
It's not healthy for her to try to stay married "for the kids" when it hurts kids to be around the dysfunction that is out of your control.
Congrats on the twins! I always wanted twins! I have 7, but no twins.
2007-01-04 12:15:03 · answer #3 · answered by ~blessss♫☼ ♪♥ ☼ ♠♫ ♣☺☻ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Darling, your man has a mouth doesn't he? Why are you caught in his mess? Why are you involved getting preggers with a man that isn't even divorced yet? How smart is that? Just cause she doesn't sign the divorce papers doesn't mean he can't get a divorce. I am confused, are those kids of hers also his? If so, he needs to support them, despite getting you preggers, they were here first and you knew that before becoming pregnant. If the kids aren't his, she is barking up the wrong tree. As to sending the kids to live with you, if they are his, that can and should always be a possibility. Should he ignore his kids? Sounds to me like a lot of drama from some very immature and foolish people who seem to deserve each other. Too bad kids are involved in all this foolishness. You all need to grow up and act like adults, and mam......you really should have thought about what you were doing before getting pregnant by this man. Honestly, the stupidity here is ASTOUNDING!
2007-01-04 11:59:33 · answer #4 · answered by Tippy's Mom 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
So he is still legally married and you are pregnant by him. He does have a responsibility to support his kids financially. The fact that he visits them regularly does not have any bearing on the financial support at all. Two separate issues.
This is his issue to deal with, not yours. Presumably you knew when you got involved with him that he was still married yet you went ahead and got pregnant. As someone commented previously, the adults in this situation need to start behaving as such for the best interests of the children - those who are already here as well as those about to be born.
2007-01-04 12:38:26 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why is your boyfriend not having his lawyer deal with this? He should be speaking with the lawyer about the papers and the harassment. He might also want to file for custody of the children. Also: She cannot in perpetuity refuse to sign papers. After a certain point the divorce will become valid with or without her signature.
I'm sorry you're going through this situation. Did you know all of this before you chose to have an unwed pregnancy?
2007-01-04 11:55:37 · answer #6 · answered by Karen L 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
This sounds like more of a legal problem. While he is still married to her you can't do anything except make things worse. You really should have avoided him until he was legally available. Push him to hire a lawyer to finalize the divorce and determine custody rights. If all goes well the divorce will be final and he will have partial custody. You are probably going to need a bigger house.
2007-01-04 12:16:37 · answer #7 · answered by Shanna J 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Live life true and treat yourself to the wonderful things you can bring into your own life, like the twins (I'm one). As long as you are happy in your life with or WITHOUT the surrounding pain in the *** other humans, than you are where you will always be happy.
Ignoring her is the best thing you could do. But committing to such an act means forever. Should you say or do anything you are only fueling her to continue. Soon enough she will find her own misery and grave.
keep smiling, that will really piss her off. But do nothing to make her miserable in an intentional manner.
Be true to your own heart and those of your twins. They will sense your feelings.
2007-01-04 11:56:54 · answer #8 · answered by NoAnswers 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do have a hand in creating the situation by having twins with a man who has yet to settle his divorce, whose children are not yet settled. Please dont take this as scolding... enough said.
You and your partner need to take care of the children you are creating and the ones already there and THAT is all. You need to figure out EXACTLY how you want to live and make the plan and if she is an unfit mother HE has a responsibility to have them properly adopted elsewhere or take care of them.
Go to counselling NOW and figure it all out and make sure you have an attorney for the divorce and custody.... regardless of cost. Good luck.
2007-01-04 12:45:15 · answer #9 · answered by larrydoyle52 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she doesn't really want him but she doesn't want you to be happy either! perhaps you should call her bluff and say you will have kids for her, as what mum in their right mind would ever let her kids go! but what really worries me is you being pregnant, perhaps you should get your partner to tell her in no uncertain terms that you will talk about it only when twins are born. Let her know he has moved on and isn't interested in her spiteful little games! He has a partner who he adores and she comes frist and the unborn twins take priority for now! good luck!
2007-01-04 12:44:28 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋