We are buying a house together. We Have been together 7 years. We have never cheated on eachother. We trust eachother a lot. She says she wants to be married or engaged within 1 year because this is getting rediculous. She wants to have kids before she is 30 (she is 25 I am 28) but I am not sure. We have a big argument about once/week. I am scared of marrage, I have heard from people, TV etc... that once you get married sex happens less frequently and I do not want that at all. I work for her parents. She does not communicate very well, and I like to talk about our problems. When I try to have a discussion with her she usually gets irritated and angry if things do not go her way. She has a tight family and mine is pretty disfunctional. I love her and she loves me. She wants me to ask her to marry her romantically, I understand that but I am not feeling it. What should I do?
2007-01-04 03:49:54 · 32 answers · asked by Joshuwa G 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
marry her and just masterbate like the rest of us guys do.
2007-01-04 03:52:36 · answer #1 · answered by JACK 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Stop buying a house with someone you're not ready to marry, for starters!
Sheesh. How many red flags do you need ?
You are afraid of marriage.
Your sex life is unsatisfying.
You two do not communicate well.
This is a recipe for utter disaster. Of grand proportions, since you work for her parents. You have gotten yourself into a fine mess.
You need to take a deep breath and step back, back, back.
1st step: Stop buying a house with someone you are not ready to marry. You are setting the stage for a huge financial and emotional nightmare by entering into a 30 year mortgage with someone you obviously don't really see as a life partner. By refusing to buy a house you will also give your girlfriend the clear and unignorable sign that you think your relationship has serious issues.
Seek couples counseling to deal with the sexuality issue and with the communication issue. INSIST on counseling or tell her you will walk away. With effort and commitment, couples can overcome those problems. But without fixing those problems, a marriage will be doomed. I would bet my own house on that fact.
Do not be yet another couple with problems who goes ahead and gets married and has kids because that seems like the next step when in fact the next step should have been counseling. I guarantee that if you do not fix this now, you will end up with a messy divorce, losing your job, and being a weekend single dad.
2007-01-04 04:10:08 · answer #2 · answered by Karen L 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't marry her until you are ready, she has no control over you. I also think that if sex is not a big part of your relationship you should be alright. I think she does have issues, like she has to always be right all the time because if no one is on her side she gets angry. She needs to learn to comprimize and if you want something she should give up what she wants to do for you.
Sex doesn't have to happen less frequently if you don't want it to be, but why would that matter if she doesn't satisfy you sexually?
I think there are some isssues you two need to work out first. Maybe talk to her and saying that she should get angry all the time and talk things out. Maybe she could seek anger management classes or something. Not everything has to be a fight, she and you both can comprimize once in awile.
2007-01-04 03:57:15 · answer #3 · answered by drunken_monkey1988 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just my thoughts to u.. U cant get married and have that kind of a relationship.. If u two cant communicate now then getting married isnt going to make it any better.. U have to be happy too. Not just her. really need to try and sit her down and talk to her and let her know how u feel. Let her know that if u cant work things out together then u know the marriage isnt going to help any... Its not always true just cause u get married everything stops.. sex is a bonus.. its not something u have to have all the time. both should enjoy it when it happens. not because u want to keep that other person happy.. If thier arent any sparks anymore dont jump in and make a mistake..
2007-01-04 03:59:14 · answer #4 · answered by blue eyes 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't marry her. You obviously don't love her if the reason you're scared of marriage is because of the decrease in sexual activity. Grow up. In a couple of years, when you're a real adult, you won't worry so much about it. On the flip side,she shouldn't force you or try to coerce you into it. Sounds like you're both staying for the same reasons, you've been together a while and you're comfortable. Not a good enough reason in my book. You also need to stop believing everything you see on TV. Can you honestly say you have sex as much now as you did in the beginning? If you don't have as much as you did, how did you feel about that decrease in sex? Chances are, you'll feel the same when you have even less.
2007-01-04 04:51:35 · answer #5 · answered by Lady in Red 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People are going to that their is more to marriage than sex. HOWEVER, if you are not happy with the sex your unhappiness will spread to other things.
This is what I see:
She wants kids
YOU are not sure
She wants to be married
YOU are scared of marriage
She does NOT communicate well
YOU like to communicate
She has a tight family
YOU do NOT have a tight family
Things don't seem balanced or fair. Marriage is being equal partners and she looks to be bossy. I think you might love her life more than you love her. Think about it for a while.
I think you will find the answer on your own.
Remember that no one or thing can make some one happy. Happiness is a feeling and comes from within. Maybe its time for you to say NO to her and accept you for who you are and not for what you do to make her happy.
2007-01-04 04:03:10 · answer #6 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow if there was ever a ROCK and a HARD PLACE you are in it! I think before you pop the big question you should go to some counseling so that she understands what your needs are and she learns how to communicate with you. A relationship is not built on sex alone but it is a major part of a long term relationship. I guess you are going to have to ultimately ask yourself if you can be happy for the rest of your life with that level of sex in your relationship...........if the answer is no and she's not willing to meet you half way.....then RUN. Best of Luck!
2007-01-04 04:00:27 · answer #7 · answered by bosox06 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps premarital counseling will help. It is here that you will discover whether or not you are truly ready for marriage. As for sex, does she know that she's not satisfying you? You need to talk about it openly and honestly then try to find a solution. There are many stores, books, HBO shows, porn, therapists, etc. that can help you two vibe sexually. However, if she has poor communication skills, your sexual dissatisfaction is the lesser of the two evils. It's imperative that you don't get married just because she wants you to.
2007-01-04 04:39:54 · answer #8 · answered by Doc 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait, dont rush into it. No harm in getting engaged, but sounds as though your girlfriend needs to mature a little bit before you get married. If she wont discuss it, put it down on paper and trust me she will read the letter and probably digest it better than face to face. If sex is a problem, then it is something that can be worked on to improve it. Sounds as though you have a good relationship apart from one or two minor details. Good luck
2007-01-04 04:00:13 · answer #9 · answered by Vonnie S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been married for almost 10 years and we still have great sex after all these years. I know it's because we are still in love with eachother. Loving someone isn't enough, you love many people in your life i.e. your family. You have to be in love, the passion has to be there.
Don't do it if you're not sure, don't be a statistic. Wait until you're ready and when you're ready you will know without a doubt.
2007-01-04 04:11:40 · answer #10 · answered by michelle a 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't marry her because 1. You don't want to get married and 2. You're not that happy with her.
End the relationship. Period.
Sex DOES continue in marriage if both people have chemistry and truly love one another.
Yes, sex does stop during marriage, but it usually does not happen until the later years when you're elderly. But, in some marriages it happens sooner due to boredom or they get sick of each other. I speak from experience.
2007-01-04 03:57:47 · answer #11 · answered by Tara662 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋