What do you think of this poem?

Question

This is a poem i wrote about the sadness i see sometimes in people´s faces...ive seen it lots of times, and often while taking the train..so yeah i hope you like it. :)

Oh and by the way, i know my poems are all kind of extremely dramatic...but i guess i just try to think of people´s deepest feelings, i dont know why, but ive just always thought like that, so lol yeah my apologies for the depressing-ness in them. But hey, i hope that in the least its entertaining.

Thank you for taking the time. =)


Trains

And I’m standing here again
Watching your face disappeared among a mass of people
Watching you drift from place to place
Just as aimlessly as me
A lost soul’s not hard to see

And I know it’s hard to fix something
When you can’t figure out what’s broke
And in the end all you’re left with are empty dreams and broken glass
From fragile things you tired to grasp

Your wings are getting rusty waiting for you to find your way at last
A lonely ghost around the crowd
Falling helplessly towards the ground
With nothing to hold you
Nothing to catch you
To hold your head above water
And you keep drowning in the world that surrounds you….

And then suddenly, in one breathe it all stops
The wondering ceases for a moment
You look up and it’s your stop
Gotta get off and join the rest of the crowd
Gotta get off and re-enter your world

Close the book you weren’t reading
Don’t forget your bag with the things you aren’t needing
Look up, straight ahead,
Blank face, no expressions need be made
It’s better that way
Hide your passions in your secret place.

Thanks for your advice Chatty. =) And aww thank you everyone for all your kind words and compliments, i really dont have the words to express how much i appreciate them. =))

I wish you all a really wonderful day. =)

Answer 1

Dude,....that is excellent. Continue your talent. More people than you'll ever know will not only relate to your poem....but it actually has the power to get them all to step outside of themselves and see what they actually do on a daily basis. And this is the first step they'll need to seek help or change their behavior.

Congratulations.....you should make a bunch of copies and just hang them up at subway stations. Step back and notice the people who read them. It'll be an incredible site.

luck bro.

Answer 2

That's very nice, keep up the good work.
The only thing I would change if I were you, but of course you don't have to, is to take out the word "and" at the start of the sentences. The sentences are stronger without that word.

Nice work though.

Answer 3

You're very talented. I've read the other poems you posted and really don't have the words to express to you how lovely your writing is. You should be published.

Answer 4

Aww... i love it I can totaly relate. From both sides of the poem. I feel like the person who is watching and like the person being watched.

keep writing you are good at it.

Answer 5

If you put that to music and have a good techno beat you would have a great hit for cascada.

Good poem though, good job.

Answer 6

Whoa deep. I love dramatic poems.

The last stanza is v. good.

Answer 7

Fantastic... what an amazing talent you have.. I really hope someone worthwhile takes notice...

Answer 8

that was awesome ur a great poet i luv that poem :)

Answer 9

That's just BEAUTIFUL!! and I thought i was a good poet!!

Answer 10

you wrote that pretty darn good my opinion