This was a poem i wrote about a girl who had gotten her heart broken, and was kind of going through the different phases that you usually go through when somethin like that happens..like first blaming herself and then being angry..etc. It was kind of spontanious, but i hope you like it. And any constructive criticism is always welcome. Thank you. =)
Oh and by the way guys, i just thought i should add that all my poems are not always about how i feel myself, but bout situations and life..and just how a person would feel if they were going through those things...or at least how i think they would feel. :)
Is it surprising that I wonder why?
I feel like a shell
There’s nothing inside
Just hollow remains of a life long ago
I feel like a shell
That’s been lost out a sea
And I can never find my way back
Way back from this apathy
And I can’t find
The things I used to see
I can’t find the things I used to want
I’ve come undone
And I don’t have a needle to stitch me up
2007-01-04 03:08:59 · 21 answers · asked by Jaded 7 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
Will you save me?
Will you save me?
Help me find me
I can’t remember anything
What it feels like to be me
What it feels like to care
What it feels like to smile
You’ve left me behind
And you never said goodbye
I don’t want you to save me
So leave me alone
Why did you have say you love me?
When you didn’t mean it at all
Why is it so easy to leave my bleeding heart?
Why is it so easy and why did you pretend to care
I don’t understand
And I don’t care for your reasons
I don’t care to know why
Ok, maybe that’s a lie…
But you broke my heart to pieces
Is it really surprising that I wonder why?
2007-01-04 03:09:10 · update #1
I´m actually a girl whidd2003..lol, but hey i´ll take that as a compliment so thank you. :D lol.
2007-01-04 03:12:25 · update #2
lol Big Jimi. :)
2007-01-04 03:12:50 · update #3
Thank you for your advice guicho79, the reason my poem is so contraditory is becuz its like a process of a person´s feelings..its like stages, you know? But you´re right i could have given it a better flow...thanks for your honesty and lol dont worry i wont be quitting my day job. =)
2007-01-04 03:37:43 · update #4
Awww thank you again ♥ court ♥ for you all your compliments. I really am glad that you like them. =))
*big smile* :D
2007-01-04 21:56:44 · update #5
Honestly,
it is depressing without originality
except for these parts:
"I don’t have a needle to stitch me up"
and "I feel like a shell, That’s been lost out at sea".
That were creative.
I loved those.
2007-01-04 03:13:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say will you save me will you save me? Then about a paragraph later is I don't want you to save me so leave me alone? A decent poem wouldn't contradict itself in such horrible way. And forget rhyming, and imagery and metaphors, right? Comparisons in a good poem are as good as a mute singing Christmas carols (to make another cheap comparison).
Sorry, kid, but I hope you get a good day job and keep the writing as a hobby.
2007-01-04 03:21:20 · answer #2 · answered by guicho79 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I love it!!! Its an awesome poem!! You should try to get it published. There was one line that I didn't like as well as the rest of it and that was 'Way back from this apathy' but I have no idea what you would replace it with. Good job!
2007-01-04 03:14:05 · answer #3 · answered by Tracy G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like this poem. I can relate to the feeling expressed.
2007-01-04 03:11:43 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its lovely. Anything that comes from the heart is lovely.
2007-01-04 19:12:42 · answer #5 · answered by Aara's sojourn 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i like the idea of the empty shell, but i kind of didn't get in to the poem.
2007-01-04 03:39:02 · answer #6 · answered by gypsywitch 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's great! i'm a writer mysef and i love to read other amateure's writing. it gives me some inspiration.
2007-01-04 03:13:17 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow i like it i have felt like that alot but not from a break up it was good
2007-01-04 03:11:41 · answer #8 · answered by formerffagirl05 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i like it, if u have a chrous, it may be tuned into a song
2007-01-04 03:57:22 · answer #9 · answered by 3umar 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like your poem
2007-01-04 03:10:16 · answer #10 · answered by mr.JAW58 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋