i married to a girl who is my relative. i didnt like her but to save the family terms and custom i did. Now when i touch her it hurts me as a knife and even i cant perform sex. All the sexual function ceases and i cant tell to her. If i m with her i feel depressed when i m away i m happy i m a common loving man but after marriage i m totally changed. i cant divorce her she also knows that i hate her. i m a well educated guy and my wife is illetrate and not beutifull even she doesnt have orgasm she doesnt know how to perform sex i m suffering i tried my best i tried many things to be happy with her but i couldnt. For me i m ok but she is suffering and i cant bear that.
2007-01-04 02:58:04 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I know many are yelling about her being your cousin. None asked if it was a distant cousin or close, but forgive them it's the law and the custom of Americans to not have relations with family, so the logic expands to cousins as well no matter how distant.
If her suffering bothers you then you care. That's a start. If not being married is not an option, try this:
You already know the reasons you don't like the relationship. Reverse the idea. Sit down alone, and then with your wife, and write down all of the areas that you do like and get along. It may be things like sports, foods, religion, movies, singers or what ever. Both of you make a list alone, then both together.
Take the lists and pick the top 5 or 10 that you both agree are the best of the best. Then concentrate on those things in your relationship and build a relationship from there. As time goes on you may develop more things in common due to spending more pleasant time together. Give it a try.
We all tend to dwell on the things that we don't have in common instead of the things we do have in common. Point in case is religions. Each religion thinks the other is going to burn in hell because of the difference of the other religion to their own. In reality most religions have more things in common with each other then they do differences. We just tend to dwell on the differences.
2007-01-04 03:09:44 · answer #1 · answered by Thomas 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I guess you should go to a marriage counselor.
One thing is being illiterate has nothing to do with sexual performance. Do not mix the two.
Being beautiful is not the only criteria in life. Think of it like this, what would you do if you had married the most beautiful girl and she had some mishap after marriage and became disfigured? There are other things that she may have which you may not be able to recognize as you hate her. Try to recondition your mind and think everything is not bad after all and things will fall into place.
Now coming to the topic about orgasm. If you make her feel good and discuss with her as to what you expect of her, love her irrespective of her shortcomings, she will surely do well.
Marriage is a 2 way process, when you make her feel unwanted, you cannot expect that she will love you and respect you.
I suspect that there is about 50% mistake from your side also in this scene. Try not to blame her for all of your shortfalls
Good luck and live happily
2007-01-04 03:12:28 · answer #2 · answered by SP 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, DIVORCE YOUR RELATIVE. I feel bad for you, but it's not fair towards her! You stated that she knows your unhappy, and she probably knows it's because of her, that's enough pain. Get out for the sake of the both of you, your causing her pain. I'm sure she has no self-esteem which is probably why she can't orgasm. If I knew a man was not attracted to me, it would make me feel sooooo uncomfortable to even think of having an orgasm. You tried, stop beating a dead horse and do what's in your heart. This is your only life and start making someone happy and yourself happy. You never know, she might want out too, but she doesn't know how to tell you. There is someone for her, I believe we all have someone, no matter how ugly and unattractive you find her, someone might think she is the most beautiful woman in the world. Good luck!
2007-01-04 03:05:09 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is not much we can suggest if you cannot divorce her. You'll just have to try and talk to her and work out how you will live, perhaps you will have to live separate lives, even though married. By that I mean you would both be able to have relations with other people, she could have a boyfriend outside the marriage and you could take a girlfriend. obviously this would mean neither of you could marry again.
2007-01-04 03:07:18 · answer #4 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WHERE IN THE WORLD ARE YOU FROM? I have never heard of having to marry a relative to save a family custom. I say f--k the custom get a divorce, maybe your conscious is telling you what you already know, that is sick!
2007-01-04 03:05:38 · answer #5 · answered by *queenfairy1*Antioch California 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you fell like that then you should just leave her. if you know that you hate her. I can't understand why you can't divorce or leave her I think that you can do whatever you wanted to do.Especially when you know that she is suffering. she deserve to be happy .as well as you do. no one wants to suffer put her out of her misery by letting go and getting a divorce.also try some counseling to help you get through your depression. you should have known better than to get married to one of your relatives,it's just unthinkable.
2007-01-04 05:01:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can't ge a divorce leave her in the US that is called incest, you will never be happy be married to your relatives you need to leave while you can,because it will never work out and i believe your wife feels the same way.
2007-01-04 03:02:10 · answer #7 · answered by Mary O 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
something is amazingly incorrect and he or she needs some expert help. you won't be in a position to allow her temper swings replace who you're. Be as affected person as you could, yet get her some help. there is extra occurring than her turning 30 and gaining some weight. all of us have those matters and stressful jobs at circumstances and shield out destroying the family individuals. you're able to desire to paintings mutually in this in case you could. stable success to you.
2016-10-06 10:31:09 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why can't you get a divorce? Was this an arranged marriage? You need to talk to a lawyer.
2007-01-04 03:17:04 · answer #9 · answered by notyou311 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it hurts to know we aren't loved, arranged marriages really aren't something anyone should have to bear. if u aren't happy with her, than i would guess that she feels like she is a total failure. if u don't love her than u will have to end the marriage, if u can do it.
2007-01-04 03:04:30 · answer #10 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋