I have been married for 13 years and have 5 kids....my husband mentally and emotionally abuses me....should i get out or stay? Where would the kids benifit more....if i say i am leaving he threatens me and says he will take the kids from me...i am a stay at home mom...so my resourses are limited....
2007-01-04 02:54:20 · 27 answers · asked by dragonfly 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your immediate resources might be limited; but if he is physically abusing you, I would almost guarantee that there is a Woman's shelter nearby that can help you for immediate needs. Contact a lawyer, a police officer, a social worker or any other entity that works with families.
I detect, though that your biggest struggle is that you're not sure what to do because of your children. I would suggest to you that by staying in an abusive marriage you're showing your sons that it is okay to be abusive to women because "mommy handled it just fine" and you're showing your daughters that you "deserve and expect" the treatment. If you're truly thinking of your children, then think about the message they are receiving...
2007-01-04 03:01:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
well what a question! why after 13 years do you ask such a thing? anyway first of all its only obvious no one should be in an abusive relationship and its not good for the kids either it does affect everyone involved...well im not sure how old your kids are and i know taking their whole world and turning it upside down is not something you want to do but your the one who must weigh the options in this situation not anyone else...as far as your husband taking the kids well thats a sticky situation if i were you i would be keeping written record of all the verbal abuse in detail and reporting the physical abuse to the police when it happens because if you two do get divorced you are going to need a foot to stand on and you will need good strong reasoning for him to not have the children i would also suggest you get on your own feet because realistically you cant go too far with no employment if you do leave...maybe you should just make a few changes to better yourself without letting your husband know what your true intentions are and then when you feel secure just leave...getting family to support you will be a real good back up on your part too
2007-01-04 11:11:46 · answer #2 · answered by ELIZY 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl, I feel for you! I have been exactly where you are, for 13 yrs. also, 2 kids. Get out now. I battled the question in my head and heart for a long time. I finally thought,"someday I'll be an old woman, and I'd wonder, what would've happened if I left him and found love and happiness?" You're born, you live and you die.You only get one life, one youth. I knew I was unhappy, but I didn't realize HOW unhappy til I left him. You'll feel it too. He cannot take your kids. It's an idol threat! There is happiness out there, whether with another man, or just within yourself. Go on line to find resources that can help. you may wanna use a friends, or library computer, in case he sees it an things get ugly. I wish you the best of luck. BTW, the kids would benefit if you leave. Happy parents make happy kids, he can still see them. My kids say we are both happier people now. Abusive home life will only mess them up!
2007-01-04 11:15:30 · answer #3 · answered by isis8x3 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That depends on the abuse in question...
Some people call a guy making faces at them emotional abuse. Some people won't call it abuse even when someone clobbers them.
If you are actually being abused it is not good. You need to file a police report and talk to a lawyer. Document everything.
Your kids would be better off growing up poor then in a violent abusive home.
As for threatening to take the kids away, take the upper hand and YOU make the first moves - go to a lawyer and file your reports BEFORE you tell him you are leaving him.
BUT PLEASE don't allege things that didn't occur just to bolster your case. There are many men who have been screwed out of visiting their kids just because their wife made something up.
2007-01-04 10:56:18 · answer #4 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to stop saying your going to leave and actually just do it. He knows the kids are your world, so he uses them as his lever.
IT'S up to you to make resourses more available to you. Get a job and save up the bucks to get out. OR make the plan to leave and clean out the bank accounts while he's at work, and be gone before he returns.
The kids aren'tgoing to be healthy as long as you allow them to see abuse, hear it and live it. Your harming them more than you will admit.
Mental and emotional abuse last for ever. Physical abuse is a life time too, but the bruises can heal on the outside. IF your already damaged, why subject your children to the same?
Get a plan, move on it.
2007-01-04 11:01:31 · answer #5 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and the kids will be better off away from an abusive husband and father. File police report if necessary, talk to a lawyer and seek advice and help from friends that will keep quiet about planning on leaving etc;.
Nail his butt with child support or whatever you have to do to make things work out. Whatever you do, don't let him teach the kids to be that way or to allow themselves to be treated that way. You taking the abuse is not the right thing to do.
Take care of yourself and the kids. Good Luck
2007-01-04 11:07:12 · answer #6 · answered by Wondrin Dude 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should not stay in any abusive relationship. Such relationships are very dangerous and as time goes on can be increasingly more dangerous not only to you but your children as well. The fact that he threatens you should tell you to leave him right away. If he is mentally and emotionally abusive to you I expect he is also this way with at least one of your children and maybe more. He could also be sexually abusing any one of the children without your knowledge. Take the children and leave him while he is gone to work and go to the nearest battered womens shelter and let them know what is going on. they will help you. Otherwise go to your pastor and tell him and he will help you.
2007-01-04 11:00:24 · answer #7 · answered by Lewis P 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This guy is a bully and you need to leave his sorry butt! How dare him threaten you like that. He's not willing to treat you with kindness; yet he expects you to sit there and take that crap, year after year. There are laws that keep him from taking the children. He also has to pay child support, which will enhance your resources. You've put up with enough of his abuse. Get out as soon as possible.
2007-01-04 11:09:15 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
u will need to make some changes, one would be to get a job, he can't take your kid's he is telling u this, to make u afraid to leave him. if u are in an abusive marriage, u need to leave it no matter how many sacrifices u need to make. the kids do not benefit from seeing all of this, may even grow up to be abuser's themselves. u are entitled to child support, and help from the government if u have problems and are below income. there are always ways to get help, may be hard but anyone can do it if they really want to break free. don't believe the things he says to u or about u, that is just one of the classic sign es of an abuser, to beat his victim down to where they really believe that they are helpless in doing anything about it.
2007-01-04 11:11:02 · answer #9 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
GET OUT NOW!! If you think that your kids will benefit being in a home where their mother is mentally abused you are wrong. First think of the example you are setting for your kids. You are teaching them that it is ok to be abused. This can cause a cycle where they think it is ok to be abused or ok to abuse others. Contact a good lawyer and get out.
Good luck.
2007-01-04 11:13:48 · answer #10 · answered by mljherman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋