It seems like lately my wife has lost interest in sex. We've had open and honest conversations about what both of us need and desire during our relations and I feel like I've made every attempt to give her what she likes and wants (or at least what she's told me she's wanted) but there doesn't seem to be much comming my way. I've hinted, suggested and even flat out told her what I want and need, but there seems very little interest on her part. Do you think there is something I'm doing wrong? I do special things for her like making her dinner, taking her out spending time with her, buying her flowers, complimenting her, etc. What would you do?
2007-01-04 02:33:21 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Wow! I appreciate the huge response. But let me try to answer a couple of things.
First I've mentioned my fantasies to her and they are varried from light to extreme. I have minor fantasies like being able to spend an entire weekend in a mountain town having sex with her, but I've also told her about BDSM fantasies I've had. I don't think I've ever pressured her into anything, nor will I because I always am interested in making her happy, but I've told her my biggest desire...is to feel sexy too. I would love for her to initiate things and maybe lessen her inhibitions a little. I have asked her if there is anything wrong and she has said there is nothing wrong. As to cheating? Not hardly...to be brutally honest, I'm more inlcined to cheat than she is...not that I would.
2007-01-04 03:08:40 · update #1
I'd have a talk with her that goes beyond sex. Is she unhappy with some other part of your marriage or her life in general? Has something else changed that is causing her to be tired, depressed or distracted?
Men and women react differently to stress... this may be her way of dealing with something that is totally not about sex but about emotional intimacy instead.
When my ex-husband and I got divorced, he said "things would have been better if we'd had more sex." I said "if things had been better, we would have had more sex."
2007-01-04 02:40:15 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Welcome to my world. I have the same problem- my wife doesn't really have a desire or interest in sex and only seems to have sex to pacify my own sexual needs. If your wife recently gave birth or is nursing, it very likely is a hormonal issue and could resolve itself. My wife has always had something going on- first it was college, then vet school, then kids... she has always had an excuse for her lack of sex drive. You just need to ask her straight up what she thinks is driving down her desire to have sex. The more you communicate that this is a budding problem that you would like to resolve, the less likely this will turn into the kind of problem that fosters resentment and hostility towards your wife. Just my opinion, but I've been through this countless times.
2007-01-04 10:57:56 · answer #2 · answered by soupah1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If there's one, there's a million women who have lost their sex drive. I would ask her to visit her doctor; there could be some hormonal issues. And then again, sometimes sex just isn't important to women at some point in their life. In the scheme of things, if all else fails, you need to ask yourself if sex is important enough to you to leave your marriage. There are also marriage counselors who may be able to help you both understand how love and marriage is all about compromise. And, you ask, is it real if it is faked? It is. It's real because someone cares enough about you to do what you like, even if they're getting nothing out of it. Sometimes if you fake it enough times, it starts to get interesting.
2007-01-04 10:50:14 · answer #3 · answered by Nancyjo W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! You sound a lot like husband, who is the best husband! Ask her flat out why she doesn't want to have sex. Whatever she says just reassure her that shes beautiful and sexy and all you want is her. Do you think she is cheating? Just a thought. Best of luck to you.
2007-01-04 10:38:24 · answer #4 · answered by happywifenmom21@verizon.net 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my boyfriend does the same for me when i feel like not having sex. what you are doing is smothering her. some women love to have their partners smother them, but there are some women who don't, the type of women who are bounded to the reality. i'm the straight up type of gal, if i don't want to have sex i tell my boyfriend that i don't want to have sex. me and my boyfriend had talked about my little problem every time he wants to have sex and he told me its okay. so now every time i want to have sex there are times he would say no i'm tired or this and that. not having to want sex doesn't have to have a story behind it you know, just be straight up about how you feel and you should explain that to her to have a better understanding between the two of you. me and my boyfriend have a healthy relationship. we say things that we think and feel rather than putting some story behind why we don't want to do whatever. if she truly loves you she will understand and give you an explanation as to why she's not budging.
2007-01-04 10:42:47 · answer #5 · answered by emily45 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time for you to grow and become more interesting. Spruce up your grooming while you are at it. Focus on making yourself a little happier and take the focus off "fixing" her. Fix yourself. You need to remain an interesting, challenging person to keep her interested. That's who she married, but you may have grown too complacent and stopped growing as a person or stopped taking pride in your appearance, etc.
Take at least one or two days a month to date your wife too. Think of what you would do if you didn't know each other--push yourself a bit out of your comfort zone every now and then.
2007-01-04 10:38:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Watch porn get one of those fake vagina's. And see just how long she will go with out sex. She might be cheating. Maybe ask for a quicky like two min. Maybe she is tired go with a quicky. Go to the strip club that will make her react
2007-01-04 10:53:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would sit her down and tell her exactly how you feel. It sounds like you are taking care of all her needs and she isn't giving you what you need. Just stress all of your concerns with her and let her know how you feel. If she doesn't start taking care of your needs, maybe you should do a little less for her. Or go talk to a counselor.
2007-01-04 10:40:33 · answer #8 · answered by cowchic9 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like a very giving & und understanding husband. I have found that (as long as it's not something weird), that if you enact on what you want in the heat of the moment instead of talking about it, you may get somewhere. If it's something she is uncomfortable with, tell her to let you know.
2007-01-04 10:48:14 · answer #9 · answered by annette_642 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What have you told her you need? Could she be offended by your desires? Maybe she is going through some kind of hormonal change and it isnt you at all that is the problem. Have you asked her if anything is bothering her or if she needs anything from you?
2007-01-04 10:38:07 · answer #10 · answered by nellyann1969 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋