3 months ago I asked my fiancee for time apart. things were moving fast, marriage was coming, and I thought I needed to think alone. She was very upset, but I insisted and didnt see her for a month. I realized how much I loved and I asked her to take me back. At first she was still angry at me and she was dating someone else. She kept dating him, but I kept asking her back for about 1 week. She eventually forgave me and we are engagd again. Recently I found out that she had sex with the other guy the night before she took me back. She says she wanted to experience him, but that she wanted to teach me a lesson and test my love. She also wanted to thank the guy for being sweet. She told him she would go back to me, so that night she admits they did it almost all night, three times. We have talked a lot, about how she was hurt, and I have expressed its ok to tell how she enjoyed the sex. we are back in love and my heart knows that, but I cannot stop my head from being jealous. advice?
2007-01-04 02:18:16 · 17 answers · asked by downtokissit 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You asked for the "time out" - you will just have to deal with the consequences. If you truly love her, you will. Oh, by the way, why are you discussing how she enjoyed the sex with the other guy - unless you are turned on by it, otherwise it is twisted.
2007-01-04 02:23:14 · answer #1 · answered by NAN G 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Its women like this who have terrible communication and just end up wallowing in self pity and end up sleeping with the first guy they meet instantly to "make themselves feel better" or whatever stereotypical reason, because they've been "rejected" when if they'd simply communcated better in the first place it probably wouldn't have happened in the first place.
What is the world coming to? Why are women like this? I honestly feel like its pretty much all women but that wouldn't really be true. Don't they just get that its simply not what guys want at all in the slightest?
They're emotional instability is the female downfall.
Bring back old fashioned values. I feel today's society and the "equality" people often talk of I feel is partially to blame for this, its just made women more like men and that imho is not what guys want.
My personal advice (from personal experience) would be end it as soon as possible there's more fish in the sea, it actually makes me feel physically sick reading that. Having sex three times before she "took you back", you're suffering with a bad case of low self esteem as far as I can tell. Go find someone who will wait for you and not just sleep around like a whore.
Also if you do enter into marriage you will never forget what has happened and you will ALWAYS be wondering about the other guy, and that in itself is a lot of unnessecary pain. Trust me you don't want it.
To people replying to this saying there was nothing wrong with her sleeping around because "you ended it" thats total crap get some morals people! There SHOULD be nothing wrong with talking about what both people need and why should this guy pay for it for the rest of his life (or until his possbile divorce) because she misunderstood him?
Also don't misunderstand me, he may have also but from the portion of written question this is my current opinion.
2007-01-04 10:37:39 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can see that this is really, really bothering. This is the first time I've seen your question, but it appears you've asked it before. And you know what, you can ask it as many times as you want until you feel some resolve with your answers.
The best prediction of future behavior is the past; what's going to happen after you are married and she gets mad? You are going to be worried and jealous that she will go behind your back again and do what she has already done.
Please, do not get married. It took me almost three years to finally "get over" someone that I was involved with. Granted, I had to see him every day at work, but one's heart is not easily mended.
Time, meeting new people, doing new things - all will help. But you also will grieve the loss and you have every right to do so. Each day will get better - I promise.
Take care....
2007-01-04 10:34:42 · answer #3 · answered by debra62 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
What she did, she did when you were not together so enjoy the fact that you are now back on and engaged again and if she means so much to you then don't let her get away from you again. If you carry on being jealous then it will drive a wedge through the two of you. Be grateful you got a second chance.
2007-01-04 10:23:01 · answer #4 · answered by Bagpuss 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I honestly think you both sound too young and immature to be considering marriage. She found and slept with someone else in less than a months time. Being hurt doesnt give her a free pass to someones else's bed. She is trying to blame you for what happened. I think you need some more time apart to see what it is you really want.
2007-01-04 10:22:59 · answer #5 · answered by his temptress 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What happens the next time she wants to teach you a lesson? You were broke up and she slept with someone. If she sis it because she cared about him, felt close to him - that would be understandable. But to do it to say "thanks" and "to teach you a lesson"? That's just wrong. She used him to hurt you.
You aren't going to get over this. Don't enter into a marriage that is doomed to fail. Either wait until she matures or move on.
2007-01-04 10:36:06 · answer #6 · answered by honey 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"Danger, Will Robinson, Danger!"
My friend, I think you need to take things very slow this time. I know that you are engaged with her again, but I think there are serious problems with the scenario you just explained. It is one thing to admit that she had sex with someone while the two of you were apart, but to go into detail about her sexual exploits the night before she accepted you back? I think you still have issues with her (even before her "roll in the hay") so I hope you are not jumping back into the wedding plans so soon. Take your time to sort out your feelings.
2007-01-04 10:24:50 · answer #7 · answered by Mr. Smooth 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are jealous of what????? Jealousy should not even be a part of the equation. YOU are the one who asked for time apart. Obviously anything could have happened and it did! YOU are also the one who wanted to get back together. Either you move on or drown in your sorrows. Only you can decide.
mb
2007-01-04 10:27:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
although i do not feel sex out of wedlock is a good thing i do feel that you cannot hold it against her due to the fact that you were the one to stop your relationship and she suffered and then at least tried to move on and it led to her having sex with that other man not for you to blame her but i do see how this did hurt you if you cannot get over it find out know before you get married marriage is nothing to take lightly it supposed to be forever
2007-01-04 10:30:59 · answer #9 · answered by Mississippi's Jersey girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't blame you for being hurt or jealous. She REALLY got back at you.
Why not put off the wedding for another year and go into premarital counseling? It will give the two of you time to see if the two of you really want to be married. If you two are really prepared for marriage and capable of making a commitment, another year won't hurt either one of you. If you aren't, it will keep you from making a terrible mistake.
2007-01-04 10:24:30 · answer #10 · answered by Buffy Summers 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋