My husband have a long time female friend and he calls her late hours and sends each other texts (10, 11 pm etc.) I know he goes outside at night to smoke but I found out that was not the only thing he was doing. She lives in Jamaica and he went to visit his daughter there for the Holidays. When he got back I noticed he was not himself and seemed distant. Do you think he did something that he is hiding from me? We have been married for 7 months and together for almost 2 years. She do not know that we are together, married (meaning he did not wear his ring while there) and have a child. He say he do not want to tell her because he will hurt her feelings. I saw a text message to her the other day that said "Hey pussycat". He told me nothing happened. I told him to end it before the New Year and he said he would but didn't. Now he tells me he will end it by Friday 1/5/07. Why is he prolonging the situation? What should I think?
2007-01-04 02:11:54 · 36 answers · asked by hunny_b07 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He's obviously cheating on you with her and why would her feelings count before YOURS! Your his wife, why is he putting her and her feelings before yours. Trust me when I say do not tolerate this, because if you do now, you'll always have to, and if you let me get away with it now, he'll always do it. Put an end to it.
2007-01-04 02:15:34 · answer #1 · answered by sarabmw 5 · 8⤊ 2⤋
He is prolonging the situation because he is trying to think of a way to make it work. It seems pretty obvious that more is going on here than he is letting on. He wants it both ways, and you can't let him do that. I would advise three things:
1. Get him to go to a marriage counselor with you. They can help you express yourself and open up the communications. A professional mediator can make a big difference. If he won't do it, leave him. He is obviously not committed to your relationship.
2. Consult an attorney about your options. It doesn't mean you are getting a divorce. You just want to know what your options are, just in case. If you think it might help (it could go both ways on this one), you could even consider telling your husband you're talking to the attorney and why.
3. Make an ultimatum. Either the girl goes, or you do. And if he does not follow up, then leave him. If you are lucky, it will only be temporary and you'll work it out. Sometimes a guy needs to hit rock bottom before he realizes what the heck he is doing. That said, don't give him more than a second chance, or he'll try to take advantage of you for the rest of your marriage.
This is what I would do, but it is just a suggestion. I hope it helps you figure out what is right for you, because everyone is different. It is very difficult and stressful to go through this, so make sure you take care of yourself and consult with your friends and family for support. Good luck!
2007-01-04 02:21:31 · answer #2 · answered by Mr. Taco 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If they have been freinds for so long, he might be afraid to say something to her. However, if they are that close the other girl should know that he is married and has a kid. If he is afraid to tell her because he doesnt' want to hurt her feelings, chances are he knows she likes him. If he respects you and this marriage, he would see that you are uncomfortable with it and needs him to distance himself. Maybe not call it quits completely on the friendship but at least make sure she knows about his marriage and no more texting Hey pussycat.
2007-01-04 02:19:39 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, there are the experts who tell you this and tell you that... Each relationship is unique, and well, there is a commnon thread that runs through all -- it is 'that' commonality that you will want to work from first of all as a start.
Know that once conditions are placed upon a given thing or person, that relationship has then slipped into the realm of Power, not love.
He is prolonging because he is 'attached' to the dynamics involved, the intrigue of it all, which is right up the Mind's alley, which loves to play with things and figure things out and pick things apart; it loves the game ! -- hence, the attachment!
This not an aspect necessarily of the Heart but rather the mind feigning (masquerading) as the Heart, see?
If you are married -- which you are -- the circumstance is more cut and dried than you will perhaps be willing to concede -- for you may well have become attached to his attachment -- strange, yes?
Go and -- as much as you can -- hard as this may be -- focus on your loves of life in order to provide again the love for yourself. But I mean this in a high way, not a self-serving way. The work here entails you as much if not more than him, for this is the test to see just how much harmony and love you can provide for yourself -- a real test indeed! For you must provide for yourself that you 'are' able to love yourself in order that you might surely give love to another... See? Heady, yes?
Be not concerned, you can do it... It's maybe just a new concept to you but a most ancient and familiar one to Life Itself...
You cannot change or alter an individual. Only the individual him-or herself can do this. Again, step away from power...for if you use force, you will bind yourself even tighter to that attachment, and this can be unhealthy in the least and flat-out dangerous in the worst event.
You should not want attachment to anything of than for a base for your stability. This can only be made possible by working to sustain neutrality. Focus your attention on still other constructive things, things that 'you' love and love doing... The insights on your situation will then seep in verily, as if on cat's paws, and you will see with clearer eyes and hear with clearer ears -- why? -- because you have sent the Mind out on an errand while the Heart gets busy with the true work at hand that sets before you: It will resolve it -- not the Mind -- not Power...!
So far as this cannot be done, then you have to begin making it so -- not regarding him (which again is Power) but rather for the concern now for yourself(which is Love).
The Heart -- the True Heart -- does not equivocate amid circumstances put before it. IT is not indecisive nor does it prattle with the little or big things. The Heart just is and does, see?
If there are conditions put on something or provisions laid out regarding something or some person, or as they call, "issue" [which has become a very negative word in its popular usage], then you can rest assured that you are working in the realm of the Mind and more than likely working with once again...Power...
Go now and find some way to give of yourself love. This makes space for you naturally and provides outrageous clarity, see?
That way you free him to learn what love is, in a non-power way, or Neutral way, but which can occur slowly or not at all in him with respect to you...
2007-01-04 02:51:09 · answer #4 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your husband has no intention to break off the long term relationship, he will lie and cheat to carry it on, no matter what you ask him to promise. If you cannot live with the situation, you just have to seek a divorce otherwise just grit your teeth and carry on living day to day.
He has married you instead of her, so there must be something worthy of the life you have with him. Be console . I have seen situations like this where the husband finally stop seeing the long time girlfriend and is now a loving and good husband.
2007-01-04 02:30:06 · answer #5 · answered by Sooty 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are asking the wrong questions. The questions you should be asking yourself is why are you putting up with this? After only 7 months of marriage this man is flying to another country to visit his "other woman" and their child. Come on. Another good question is why did you marry him in the first place? He obviously had this child during your 2 year relationship BEFORE you married him. Did you think marriage would change something? You have no one to blame in this instance but yourself dear. Why should he end the relationship when you have been and continue to condone it?
2007-01-04 02:20:43 · answer #6 · answered by Brandy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband had a rendezvous with Jamaica girl, all right, its as obvious as the nose on your face.
He's prolonging the situation because he wants to, and does not have the same feeling towards you, that you do towards him.
Do you really want a guy that treats you like this? Get a good divorce lawyer.
2007-01-04 02:18:13 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think this definately something you should worry about, I believe she very well is more than a friend to him, he is treating her as a girlfriend, If he do not end this relationship with her threaten to leave him. If he say he stop talking to her still be cautious and make sure he not hiding it behind your back. I believe he most definately cheated on you. This not something you need to be going through. Trust me dear, I am a man however I have been cheated on by women so many time I feel your worry and pain. He is making himself more than obvious
2007-01-04 02:16:19 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
if your gut feels it you should know it!
If he is not willing to be up front with her about you guys then you are screwed cause you picked the wrong guy. I am sorry and now its time to forget all the deadlines and promises and YOU take action. Just leave......no card, no explaination. When he calls explain he has ONE hour to call her and set things right. And regardless you need to leave him for a bit. Cause he will just say he will end it but he wont. He wants his cake and icing
2007-01-04 02:17:24 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would not let her rule me just as I will not let him rule me.Thats why he is not here anymore.IF YOU WERE EVER TRUE FRIENDS,she will accept her also because she also loves you.Agreed there are two types of love due to the circumstances,but love is not jealous.Your happiness is what is important.Everybody will have to deal with it.U should have been honest w/ her from the start.Who knows.THEY WILL LEARN TO LIKE EACH OTHER.no confrontations I can compose don't worry.You have a child involved now .U can't change what is in your hearts if it were real.........
2007-01-04 02:34:47 · answer #10 · answered by lilly l 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
take a seat your husband down one on one and tell him of right here: Honey I even have come to the concept you do not opt to truly make this marriage paintings. in case you probably did you may end all touch with this different lady. you're patently conserving on for a reason it somewhat is previous be and greater significant than our marriage. perchance she can provide something for you which you're feeling like i won't. hence as much because it pains me i've got faith such as you need to be chuffed and he or she makes you happier than I do. it somewhat is the sole explaination i'm able to think of of for a guy persevering with a courting with somebody who he has had an affair with. Please settle for my apology for not being there for you sufficient emotionally and perchance even bodily. i replaced into under the impact that we would desire to paintings this out yet there is not any way i'm able to get previous you nonetheless being emotionally related to her to the factor you will not end the courting thoroughly. I evaluate if it have been me and the jobs have been reversed could you be happy with me conserving directly to a lover that I cheated on you with. i could would desire to say no. yet you may now do what's nice for you my expensive and as quickly as back i'm sorry we would desire to not paintings this out like I prayed and concept we would desire to. Please enable me time to seek for a clean place to stay six months could do then you definitely and he or she would be able to be chuffed.
2016-12-12 03:32:37 · answer #11 · answered by declue 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋