Innocence
A turning figure in the pouring rain
A hidden face sheltered from pain
The innocent stand here tonight
And it doesn’t matter if that’s not right.
And unaware, you wouldn’t care
The angry world keeps looking on
Wondering when it’s their turn to be
Innocent, again.
And just a careless figure
Dancing in the rain
You can’t pick up the pieces
You lost along the way
Too little, too many
It’s not easy to find your way
And they don’t belong to you anymore….anyway.
A hidden face covered in pain
Standing behind this window pane
Looking out into the world she’ll never get to see
Keeping still in her constant misery
As silently as she could, possibly
Staring out into the pouring rain
Seeing in a hidden face
The innocence she was never allowed to gain
2007-01-04 02:11:52 · 17 answers · asked by Jaded 7 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
Donna Marie, that is EXCELLENT advice, thank you so much. =))
2007-01-04 22:03:41 · update #1
And can i just say..that im actually just amazed here…i never thought anyone would even like my poems!!..thank you so much everyone for all your compliments and advice and everything, I really appreciate very much. =D Oh and by the way, yes i did write it. :)
2007-01-04 22:06:01 · update #2
i really like this one but could you possibly change the order of it instead to:
A hidden face covered in pain
Standing behind this window pane
Looking out into the world she’ll never get to see
Keeping still in her constant misery
As silently as she could, possibly
A turning figure in the pouring rain
A hidden face sheltered from pain
The innocent stand here tonight
And it doesn’t matter if that’s not right.
And unaware, you wouldn’t care
The angry world keeps looking on
Wondering when it’s their turn to be
Innocent, again.
And just a careless figure
Dancing in the rain
You can’t pick up the pieces
You lost along the way
Too little, too many
It’s not easy to find your way
And they don’t belong to you anymore….anyway.
Staring out into the pouring rain
Seeing in a hidden face
The innocence she was never allowed to gain
keep it up!!! thanks for sharing
2007-01-04 02:17:37 · answer #1 · answered by Tek ~aka~Legs! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like this person has had alot of pain in their life.Don't ever give up on the inner person you are that is one thing no can take from you.Too many sad hateful people in this world anymore.Life is way too short fix what makes you sad and make your life worth while.At the end who you are is what you have aloud life to let you be.
2007-01-04 10:29:15 · answer #2 · answered by Donna Marie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's trite and sounds like it was written by a high-schooler. So if you're in high school, it's great--keep trying to improve. If not, yikes.
2007-01-04 10:15:57 · answer #3 · answered by Amanda K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It has a wonderful flow throughout and is very descriptive. Great job if you wrote it. You should submit your poetry to poetry.com- you can enter contests and even win to be published. It may be a nice hobby for you. Thanks for sharing your poem.
2007-01-04 10:17:30 · answer #4 · answered by Some Chick 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seek professional help.
2007-01-04 10:13:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Beautiful but so sad. I really liked it.
2007-01-04 10:14:20 · answer #6 · answered by lovelee1 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's really good... continue writing...
2007-01-04 10:16:05 · answer #7 · answered by bngali_yoaming 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's very good.I've read your poems before. send in some more.
2007-01-04 10:15:56 · answer #8 · answered by glasgow girl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think it is wonderful. i aasume you wrote it? would make a great song
2007-01-04 10:15:28 · answer #9 · answered by purplecat 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
very nice i write did u write it??
2007-01-04 10:20:03 · answer #10 · answered by loveslave 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋