My mom is an drug attic and alcoholic,?

Question

My mom is 46 years old, and I am 27, she has been on drugs for 15 years and it has affected my life as a child but now I have kids and I don't want them to see the things that I have seen. Now, she is okay as a grandparent, but my kids are getting older and they are starting to notice things that she do. I only let them see her every now and then . But I know that you only have one mother in your life. I JUST NEED A LITTLE ADVICE ON how to maintain a stable relationship with my mom, because my kids comes first.

Answer 1

for the sake of your children.. she is not a safe person to be around.. if she wants to be a grandma she needs to get clean. My brother won't let my nephews around my mom after 5:00 p.m. anymore because she is drunk... you have to think about your kids FIRST and not your mom's feelings.

Answer 2

You are very forgiving. I think you are doing it just right - grandma in small doses, and NEVER alone with the children. If your kids start to ask questions then I think you can answer that "grandma has some problems and we cope with them the best that we can."

I also think that, if you can, you should tell her that if you will never arrive at her home unannounced. If you arrive for an established date and she is either drunk or drugged, or suffering from the hangover of either substance, let her know that you will turn around and leave right away. Before you take the kids into her home, you walk in first and make sure she is OK. You can just tell the kids that grandma is sick and didn't feel like calling.

Answer 3

The problem with that answer is there really no wrong or right answer to this. But my advice is talk to your mom tell her that you don't like it when she uses drugs around your kids and you don't want them to start using them as well. Another thing maybe she wants to stop have to talk to her about putting her in rehab. But if she doesn't stop the best bet may be only to let her go and tell her until she cleans up you cant be around her anymore. I had to do that to a good friend i knew for 5 years I know its not the same because its a family member but you have to think whats best for you and whats best for your children.

Answer 4

You don't say how old your children are but I would sit them down, tell them that you love your mother and that you very much want her to be a part of your lives. However, as much as you love her, there are some things that she does that you don't agree with. Be honest about her addictions, letting your children know that she is not a bad person and that an addiction is just like an illness.

You need to have a similar conversation with your mother too. Tell her that you and your chidren love her and want her to be a part of your lives. Let her know how these addictions make you feel. Maybe offer to help her overcome them.

At the end of the day it is about being honest yet tactful. Good luck.

Answer 5

I have some advice for you. My mother was a drug addict and alcoholic too, 1) Control the time and place the kids spend with her 2) Tell your kids (and her) the truth about why you are limiting their time with her 3) Try to find an Al-Anon group for Adult Children of Alcoholics. You are not alone and it would help you to get some support, advice, experience, strength and hope from other people who are in your position.

I know what it feels like and I wish you and your children love and hope. You mother doesn't want to be the way she is.

Answer 6

my mother smoked crack when i was little so we moved around alot and stayed with some of her friends every now and then. my home life wasn't stable at all. my mom is 42 and I'm 21. now i have a daughter and i didn't want my daughter to see the things i've seen either so i was hesitant when she asked to baby-sit for my child. i let her because i felt like she deserved another chance. she hasn't misabused my trust yet but there's always that fear that she will.

what i'm saying is, is that your past is your past. you have a responsibility to protect your kids and if you feel like she hasn't changed then you've got to move on and let her clean herself up. i learned that yelling and arguing with my mom only gave her a reason to want to smoke crack so i stopped caring and that has seemed to work. maybe you gotta stop caring too.

Answer 7

If your kids are getting older then sit them down and tell them that Grandma is a good person with a big problem. Use her as an example of why we dont do drugs. They will understand more than you might think and then they wont be all surprised by her more manic attacks.

Answer 8

my brother is just such a father. mostly a drunk. he has three kids all adults with children now. for the most part they will only allow him to talk on the phone to the grand children after short interview to see if he is under influence first. (always early morn) they never go to his house or really have anything to do with him. we have a large family and nobody wants their kids exposed to him any more than they have to. in his mind there is nothing wrong with him..........

Answer 9

You're 27 and you speak like a 16 year old. Why are Americans so illiterate?

Answer 10

Risking your childrens development for the sake of keeping the last dying threads of a relationship with your mother is rediculous.

Your children have no business having ever been exposed to that sort of lifestyle or activities.

Gramma needs help, therapy, rehab and the desire to have a healthy life, not a daughter who's going to try to look beyond her faults and pretend everything is okay. You should draw some lines here.

Either she gets help and gets rid of this stuff for the sake of putting her family first, of she puts her addictions and killer lifestyle before all of you and she suffers through it alone until she's ready to come to you for guidance and help.

Mom's are important, but theyre human and they make seriously horrible mistakes. Your children come first and foremost, even before your mom and her many issues.