How can I interest my 13 y/o daughter to move from her mothers home?

Question

I would like her to move in with me and my wife and step children. She has resided with her mother for the 5 years of our divorce. She does have many good friends established in her current area. I live 50 miles away in another school district. The school here is extremely nice and gives the perception of moving into a "rich kid" environment. She and I do get along well. She would be leaving behind an 8 y/o sis and a 2 y/o brother. Any ideas on presenting this idea to her in a healthy way. I do not want to do anything unfair to trick her here. I just want to have her consider the idea. What may help? Any suggestions? I honestly feel that I have more and better things to offer than doea her self-centered and selfish Mother. Would a party given to her by local school kids be fair or would that be a manipulative and unfair 'tool'?

Answer 1

I wouldnt do a party JUST YET! Moving can be difficult on any child. Its hard for them to re establish themselves in a new area. BUT, many kids would also welcome the idea for a new life. I know I did. I moved from INDIANA to CALIFORNIA when I was 17 for my senior yr in high school. It was a HUGE change, and at first it was difficult to make new friends. But I managed, and Now Im close to alot of people out there in case I ever want to go back, or visit. I would suggest just letting her know that you want her to be with you. Offer up the idea. Sometimes, its just the idea, and curiousness of a situation that appeals to people. I think throwing a party should come AFTER she has accepted. Good luck!

Its nice to see fathers that truly care for their children. My husband is the same way.

Answer 2

The fact that she has many good friends where she resides and that she is with her sister and brother will be hard to overcome. Obviously her mother loves her very much and is probably doing a lot for her so that she will be happy where she is. This does not mean she would not consider living with you. The thing that is very difficult to overcome is the mother-daughter bond that has developed. Usually a father and son get along great and a mother and a daighter the same. You should consider very carefully the reason you want her to live with you and make sure it is a just and valid reason and not a selfish one. I take it you have visitation rights and if so you can begin to intriduce her to the children in your area. If a party is what you think would be something she might like then I see no harm in it. After all, if your daughter wishes to make a decision at some point then both you and your ex should allow her to make her own decisions and you both should live with what she decides. It is her happiness that is at stake. Know what I mean?

Answer 3

What's the advantage to a "rich kid" environment? My son used to go to one of those schools and he said the kids were very snooty and more critical than most. Second, why just the 13-year-old? Why do you want to leave the other two children behind? And, this is not a very good age to be making her switch schools. I think the party idea would be too manipulative. Why not just sit down with her and her mother and discuss it, and let her make the decision since she would be the one to go through all the changes?

Answer 4

Mom is unfair and selfish to you...my ex is a witch to me, but not a bad mom to our son(now grown). Best you can do is be a good dad and let her know that the option is there if she ever wants to live with you "for a while".

To be frank I have to say as long as things are smooth with her Mom and there is no major trouble in your daughters life I betting she will stick where she is. i was a single Dad and my son lived with me. When he was about 15 he moved back with his Mom. He didn't like the structure that I had set up and my insistence he follow the rules. He's 22 now and has thanked me for those rules he so hated as a teen. If your daughter as a teen goes through the same phase she may take you up on your offer.

Beware though, to give her what she wants at that point would be trading in your "good parent card". You don't sound like a sell out parent so I think your daughter will know that the very thing she would be running away from at her Mom's house would be waiting for her at your house.

Then there is that factor of the other kids. It's beyond the scope of this blurb as to what damage separating siblings would do because you want to provide "better things" for one of them. Be objective on that issue and you may re-think things.

Good Luck.

Answer 5

Honestly I used to be in the same spot... but as the kid. My dad was/is very rich. While the mother is kinda self-centered. But there are tons of little things that just gave me an uncomfortable feeling of living in another house when I could be back where I call "Home". It is not just friends and it is very hard to explain. Make sure you have not many house rules because if you have heavy house rules like my dad did(Not saying the rules were unreasonable)... it feels very confined. It is a very hard thing.... I did end up moving with my dad... but it was because I got a job nearby his house when I was 18... which was much later then when he was trying to get me to stay over there.

It is really not much controllable in my opinion... you really can't control the feelings that your daughter might have with her original home and moving. Not saying it won't happen or you can't try, but don't get down on yourself and think she doesn't care about you... my father thought that I like my mother more than him... which of course I didn't... you just can't expect a child to just switch over because he/she loves you.

Answer 6

After divorce, you started your new life. Im sure you want the best for your daughter. Let her decide about hers. For a teen ager girl, its hard to move away from her mother, her friends, her school, her community. Relations with step mothers, brothers and sisters is not easy. For both, your daughter and your actual wife and children. Any way if you want to, try. Go step by step. Invite her for a weekend, perhaps some vacations toghether. And let things happen. If she makes a good realtionship with your actuall family, your neighbourghood, if she makes new friends, and finally, if she wills, she'll move.

Answer 7

By 13 a child knows what she wants. If she wants to be with her mother then let her be. She is obviously comfortable there and probably wants to be with her natural siblings. Instead of being selfish (sorry, that is what you are being), ask her to come visit you more often as well as you extending your time to her more frequently. She is at an age where stability and friends are most important. Let her stay where she is.

mb

Answer 8

I would just talk to her about it and bring up all the pros of moving in with you, she is 13 and thats a crucial age for establishing social relationships..I know at 13 I would have never switched schools, but even if she says no, at least she knows how you feel and maybe in the future live with you.

Answer 9

OMG! WHY would you even consider doing this to your daughter, talk about filling her head with a bunch of crap??? You sound Self-centered and selfish!

If you wanted to spend more time with her great - but with what you have said - you sound like a DISNEY DAD and you need to get over it. Leave her where she is, UNLESS the child has spoken of changing what is the NORM!

She sounds happy with her life as it is - why fix it if it ISN'T BROKEN.

If you honestly think you can "win" this..GOOD LUCK - the courts will throw out your case, due to NO CHANGE OF CIRCUMSTANCES and you will be left paying all the ex attorney fees'.

Answer 10

Do not screw with a court ordered visitation/custody order! I would speak to the mother first about a change in custody. Change it gradually 50/50 to 60 you/40 her. I would make it a slow move. Have her spend more and more time with you and when she is 16 (most states let a child choose at this age) she might just pick you. Do not make the mistake of buying her loyalty with a party, puppy, or car!