I have been with my husband for 3 years, we love each other a lot, have a great sex life, have 2 boys. We are happy for the most part but we having a lot of money problems and life is just kinda rough right now. I think he is happy, but I feel like theres more I could do to keep him happy through all the bad times, I just don't know what it is. He works a lot, and I stay home with our boys, they are 2 years old, and 5 months old. I feel like he has a life with his friends and I have no life except being home with my kids. Men, tell, how can I make things better?? Women if you have advice I'll take it to!
2007-01-04 01:18:28 · 20 answers · asked by happywifenmom21@verizon.net 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Been there...my wife stayed at home with the kids for the first 7 years. We had lot's of financial issues as well.
The key is to make him feel like the king of his castle, even while things are rough. Have a date night on a regular basis-just the two of you. It doesn't have to be elaborate or costly. Just flatter him, cook him a special meal, and look nice for him, just as you would if you were still dating and not yet married. Make time to go jogging or excercise together, have a glass of wine and a movie or just go for a walk without thinking or talking about finances.
He'll love it, and it will spark all kinds of motivation and positive thoughts and make him even more determined to work as hard as he has to to get through the rough patch.
Best wishes and good luck!
P.S. Every now and then, take a little time off for yourself to be with friends, and occasionally, take the kids with you somewhere so that when hubby comes home, every now and then, he can have the house to himself for a few hours.
2007-01-04 03:10:53 · answer #1 · answered by Leroy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First you sound sympathetic to his issues than you express a little envy because he has some social activities that don't include you.Well,you knew that having babies would fall mostly on you the female because that's usually how it is,so that shouldn't have come as a surprise that you would be housebound.The money issue can only be handled with more money and if making more right now isn't an option then just manage better,Managing the money better would help relieve some of the pressures on you both.If you need some out time then arrange for some .It's not impossible for some one to watch the kids once or twice a month for you for free.Work out these issues.When the difficult times are around these times make or break the characters of the people involved and if both of you are committed to doing the right things,then you will have these times to look back on and teach your kids how you all made it through.It's not easy to keep promises and commitments but the rewards for doing so are priceless.Good Luck and remember home is a refuge not a battle field and the marriage bed is for more than sex,it's the place you two come together and lay together and discuss the day and the future while wrapped in each others arms.
2007-01-04 01:30:17 · answer #2 · answered by punkin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's really sweet that you want to make him happy, but it should be a two-way street. "He works a lot" - so do you!!! Taking care of a 2yo and an infant at the same time, not easy!! You need a night out now and then with your friends. I have a 2yo and a 6yo, and I'm married, but I make sure I get out at least once a month with a girl friend, just to eat dinner, shop or whatever. You need your friends too.
Overall, though, it sounds like things are good. You're having money problems, it happens. He feels bad, it happens. Only he can decide to be grumpy or not, no matter what you do, and I don't think there's anything wrong with him being upset about your financial problems. Stick with your great sex life and keep loving your family - those are the best ways to get through!
2007-01-04 01:27:35 · answer #3 · answered by Torchbug 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is it possible for you to make money from home? How about selling Avon, or something like that? Are you a great cook? Bake cookies or cakes for sale. I know your kids are small, but is it feasible for you to take on a babysitting job for one child? That would bring in $160 to $200 a month, depending on how much you charge. Start thinking of creative ways to help make ends meet.
Your husband has friends, but where are your friends? Why don't you ever get together with them? Have them over on the weekends, or spend the day at the park. Also, have someone watch the kids, and spend time alone with your husband. Go see a movie, or just spend a few hours enjoying each other's company at home. Stop worrying and start doing something!
2007-01-04 02:01:23 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to focus on you making you happy. You can't make another person happy, you can add to their happiness or take away from it.
After many years of marriage I have come to realize that what makes a good marriage is that both parties are happy in their own lives so when they come together as a couple there is no resentments. The biggest mistake you could make is to make his happiness your priority. Been there, done that and all it did was make me feel like my whole world revolved around his needs....became very bitter.
Now..what you can do is help make his life a bit easier. Perhaps he feels he is responsible for providing you with a life, since you don't work outside the home. Try taking some of that pressure off of him by having a girls day, maybe once a week. Or if there is a hobbie you enjoy, do it more often. When you are happy with yourself and your world, he won't feel the need to be your sole source of entertainment, and that will really help him feel less stress!
And finally, don't ever assume that just because he works at a "job" where is he paid, that he works harder then you! You have taken on one of the hardest jobs in the world...a stay at home mom raising 2 kids.
2007-01-04 01:33:23 · answer #5 · answered by katalah 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
From a man's perspective, it appears that you and your husband have a great marriage. I can understand the stress that money problems can cause in a marriage, but having money does not guarantee that your marriage will be better.
I think the both of you need to talk about how each other feels about life, marriage, kids, etc. He is probably stressed because he is working a lot, and you miss adult companionship because you are home all day with the kids. I think you both need to have a certain time of the day where the two of you can be alone and connect.
2007-01-04 01:24:45 · answer #6 · answered by Mr. Smooth 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since your a new bride,I mean a marriage of 36 months is new from where I sit. When I first was married I supported a family on a few pennies a day. But we survived and I never had a wife who was understanding as you are. Take it a day at a time never argue, especially over money. Men have a hard time dealing with this issue, lack of money represents failure to him.If you can try baby sitting other kids in your home, this may help with the bills.
2007-01-04 02:19:49 · answer #7 · answered by tonyflorida2 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
this part of your life will not last forever time will change as it does i have 4 sons and have been where you are now it will get better going to work everyday and being responsible for all the family income is very hard for your husband and money being short does not help and i know you are a good wife and mother keep doing what your doing and maybe some how you can make a new friend with children to make your life more pleasant and keep letting your husband know he is doing a great job and you love him for it have a great life
2007-01-04 02:09:12 · answer #8 · answered by Mississippi's Jersey girl 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I like Kitkats answer very much!!!
Know this- most young couples with small children usually have very little money- so never feel like you two are the only ones.
I have been there- done that- you two can get through this time too! I know its hard, being the mom at home, and you might feel like there is more excitement being out "in the world" than feeling like a nameless, faceless individual looking after two small boys all day all the time but remember- THE WORLD WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU- but those two young people will not always be small.....they will grow up and leave and start their own lives ---which is what you want of course but I am saying this- ENJOY every day you have with them- and make it count for something! This world has enough businesswomen- we do not need anymore- what this world needs more of is women willing to sacrafice a few years out of their lives to bring up the type of strong, confidant, compassionate people who can help heal a wounded world...We DO NOT have enough of these!!!!!
As for your husband, who seems like a pretty decent guy, talk to him, tell him your fears, tell him your expectations for yor marriage....be respectful and loving, and be willing to be vulnerable to him. A woman's strength with her husband is not in her nagging and yelling, but in her gentleness, and vulnerability...USE IT!!!!
Good luck to you and your family! And Happy New Year!!!!
2007-01-04 01:51:34 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if you think about all the blessing you have you would b very happy you have things money cant give you .... if u were asked to take money and give up something from what you have would you?!! so mony is not the issue but at the same time if you can help your husband and yourself at the sametime by doing any job from the house you will break the routine and at the same time you will take care of your children and husband....a little bit of work will make you feel much more better .... good luck
2007-01-04 02:12:03 · answer #10 · answered by sky7th_7 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋