So, I have two kids with my husband, WHICH MAKE MY SITUATION MORE COMPLICATED. The last year his job claim moved him away and we haven't been able to see each other much, but we still found things to argue about. I was pregnant too. I just don't want to be with him anymore, I'm not happy. I know it's better for kids if parents stay together but, is it really better for them if we fight all the time? I just want to do the best I can for them, but be happy too. If I don't stay with him, my kids won't be able to see their Dad for months at a time. I need help and please spare me about marriage being sacred. I love him and I didn't want to hurt him but, I dont want to be with him anymore. He brought this on himself. He Secretly spent the last 2 years lying and cheating behind my back and had a baby with that person, 3 months after our baby was born. He begged me to work it out, I tried, I really did, but I just can't forget it, he betrayed me. He ran back to her because I left.
2007-01-04 00:28:30 · 14 answers · asked by babydollgem 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I was faithful through out the relationship. I even stayed with him through the years of his abusive ways physically and mentally. I stuck by him and tried to help him through his drug and drinking problem. He claims he was only with her because she was a crackhead and he was smoking with her.
I did my part, I got tired of being abused when I did nothing wrong and that is the honest truth!
He is only settling for her because I won't take him back. That is what he said.
You can't change the past and he committed a sin of the heart. Cheating I could of worked through but having a baby, especially after i just had one. Nope it was unforgivable he had no respect for himself nor did he have for his kids or me. He will never change and I deserve to be happy.
As for pro marriage people enough is enough, especially when you had enough, been through hell and back with that man. I need to live my life for me and to be free of terror of him.
2007-01-04 01:03:36 · update #1
Sugar you have made the right decision. A marriage is sacred until it is breached. Your husband did that when he had an adulterous affair, and on top of all of that, a child by another woman.
As far as your children not seeing their father, that will depend on how much effort he puts into it. The children are still to young to make that decision, it will be him to decide if he wants to see his children more often, and shame on him if he doesn't.
One of the things that made me decide to leave was... what is the lesser of the 2 evils, a broken home, or a home where the children are subjected to fighting and screaming all the time, and where they don't see love between their parents. I chose the broken home. And 6 months after my separation, my daughter told me, "Mom, I'm sad that you and Dad are divorcing, but I'm happy that you don't fight anymore". I think that calmed all my fears. Also, her friends have told her more than once, you are so lucky your parents get along... I'm telling you this because you should try to keep it civil with your husband/ex-husband, it will make your children much happier in the long run.
Good Luck, and stand by your decision. Infidelity is grounds for divorce, even in the eyes of God.
2007-01-04 01:04:02 · answer #1 · answered by deanie1962 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it's not good for children to see parents fighting. They usually grow up themselves fighting with their spouse because they think that's normal.
Secondly, I am pro marriage. When you say it's all his fault, well, I do not agree with that. You have stuff in this marriage too. You are 50% of the marriage and probably 50% of the problem. Why don't you reflect honestly about your part?
I am sorry to hear that he cheated on you. That sucks. Been there done that. That is grounds for divorce if you ask me. But it takes a real special person to work on a damaged marriage so that it can actually work. Good luck.
2007-01-04 00:38:49 · answer #2 · answered by spanky1492 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you did right be leaving him. He was not worthy of you and all you've done for him. I bet He realizes now, now that it's too late that he had it really good with you. I bet He regrets his mistakes but thats proably why he ran back to her. He knew she be a fool to take him back in. So he figures he might as well settle for less being with her again since he can no longer return home.
As far as him running back to her, well it shows she must be really desperate for a man. Talk about sloppy seconds. She can't be much of a woman if the men she can get are drug addicts anyways.
Who cares let them smoke themselves to death. She had a baby by him I be more worried about that baby's well being knowing that they both are crack addicts. She and he will get whats coming to them from the drugs. Call children's protective services and tell them to drug test them. People on crack don't think clearly and can not take care a baby properly either. Hate him or hate her but, the baby is an innocent.
Help that baby save it from the abuse.
You can always call annonyously.
2007-01-04 01:42:02 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I was all ready to tell you to suck it up and stay with him for the children, until I read the last paragraph. I think you should move on for two reasons. One is he cheated. You've tried to work it out (which is more than I would have done). You can't get past it (understandable). He ran right back to her the minute you said it's over, which tells me it was never really over to begin with. He was just trying to keep you both. What a jerk. Move on honey, get your divorce and find some happiness for you and your little ones. Good luck.
2007-01-04 00:42:37 · answer #4 · answered by mjm52 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did the right thing and you ARE doing what is best for your kids. They don't need to see Dad cheating or you two arguing all the time. He wasn't all that committed if he ran back to her anyway. Good luck on your new life.
2007-01-04 01:00:33 · answer #5 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he was unfaithful then it is his doing! You have the children's interest to look out for. If you are willing to stick with it then divorce him and go for the juggler vein. He deserves to be paying heavily on child support and taking care of you and the children until they are out of the house or at least grown enough to be "on their own". My Mother-in-Law NEVER said anything derrogatory about her ex-husband to their children. This was good for the younger children but more difficult for the older ones. I hope that this helps some. I am a Christian and I know that you should find a non-denominational Church in your area for moral support and begin doing a BIBLE STUDY with them. GOD is a great comforter in these times. My wife and I have been married for over 31 years and I would never do anything to hurt our relationship. She is the most beautiful woman in the whole world. GOD has certainly blessed me for many years. We also have three children and one grandson. Have a great week. Read and study all of the answers that you get. The answer you make does not have to be one of these. IT needs to be YOUR DECISION!
Eds
2007-01-04 00:46:05 · answer #6 · answered by Eds 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have made the right decision. You can't teach your children to stay in an unhappy home. They will be better off if their time spent with dad does not include listening to fighting. You have a right to be happy and if what you are doing is making yourself happy then the choice is right.
2007-01-04 00:31:23 · answer #7 · answered by Kelly B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl listion, don't feel bad about leaving his sorry butt! He asked for this, he made a choice to betray you and he can't expect you to forget something like that. Having a baby with another women while your married is completly wrong in every way, nothing can make that right. You need to divorce him before he hurts you again. I will pray for you honey.
2007-01-04 00:37:53 · answer #8 · answered by happywifenmom21@verizon.net 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go on with your life. Do you really want the kids around the fighting? Do you want them to think it is ok to have your spouse cheat on you. You did the right thing.
2007-01-04 00:31:39 · answer #9 · answered by Jodi C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A man like that is not a good role modle for your kids---they need to learn morals and he can't do that for them if he can't do that for himself---get out and let him pout---for the kids, just make them as comfortable as possible about it---talk about and if they get mad let them---just don't ignore what they say to you--take it in stride it will work out for the best
2007-01-04 00:36:53 · answer #10 · answered by biznitchil 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋