When do you know the marriage isn't worth saving?

Question

I have caught my husband in numerous lies. He has a family a career and responsiblities to us. Although he likes to believe that he is still a teenager. He will stay out all night without a call or even a goodbye, on some occasions, and think nothing of it to spend a couple hundred dollars (up to over 1000) playing poker, going to bars and droppping money at strip clubs even though we have substancial debt. This has made me question his train of thought, his feelings for his family and even his fidelity. We've been married almost 6 years and for the most part its been decent His staying out, spending money and lying are nothing new - it happens every couple of months, like clock work. The only difference now, is that I am working full time and I dont' feel I can trust him to be depended upon. The last time it happened (a couple days ago) he didnt' get home until an hour before I had to be at work. I didn't know if he would be home on time,or even sober enough to take care of the kid

Answer 1

well i think you have reached the point of knowing its over...Time for a divorce.

Answer 2

He hasn't grown up yet. Some men don't want to grow up and take responsibilities, they want to play and still be boys. They say they just want to have fun, but at who's expense? True love is also caring about you and your feelings. He is being a selfish jerk and I don't see how you put up with it. When do you get to have fun or does he even care if you have fun? Is life all about him? That is a sure sign of selfish immaturity and it's not likely he will change. Do you talk to him and let him know how you feel? Does he keep doing it even though you ask him not to? What in the world is he doing out all night? At strip clubs which leads to nothing but trouble. What are you doing all night home alone while he's gone? Does he care? This is very bad and you don't deserve this and neither does your child. There are lots of better men out there who would treat you better. Yes, men need to have fun and be away from the responsibility of married life and kids, but so do you, and what he's doing is wrong. I would tell him to go to counseling with you or it's over. What exactly are you getting out of this marriage? It seems to be all about him and his wants. I'd move on.

Answer 3

You definitely need to set him down and talk to him about all your concerns. Tell him you're not being respected or even considered when all he wants to do is run around and blow money. Tell him that your marriage is the main priority and maybe you can compromise and he can go out one day a week. T ell him you want to be in charge of the money and bills. Give him an allowance so he's not broke. Also sounds like there are some underlying reasons for him not staying home more. Find out what it is. If he's cheating, get rid of him. Why don't you just tell him that you are going to start going out with him and see his response. If he has something to hide, he will protest you going with him. Good luck!

Answer 4

Jessie,

This is a tough question to answer. Each marriage is unique and there are different ways to solve problems.

In this case, I think it would be wise to talk to your husband about going to a counselor. Don't talk to him after he has been drinking or when he comes home late. Talk in a relaxing environment, perhaps while you are eating, etc.

Ask him what he thinks about the situation. Ask him what he thinks might strengthen the marriage and improve the relationship. When you ask him about counseling, ask him if he would go alone, or the two of you together.

The main thing is to not make this into a fight. If that happens, then nobody wins. Ask him what he would like from the marriage, and how he feels about the relationship. Does he think it's worth saving.

All of this stuff isn't easy. It takes work and determination from both of you.

Answer 5

a man follows whats in his heart, so this is what he treasures most. this is his focus in life.u aren't a priority but other things are. he is just pulling u down, making u suffer because of his choices. he lies so he won't have to be confronted, because if he is confronted he may have to at least take some of the blame. u either need therapy, and if he won't agree to it, than maybe start planning to leave, or make him leave, as u and he are not on the same page here, u don't really want the same things, or the same life. he is living a different life than the life it takes to be a family man, a husband, and good father. he wants to also be this irresponsible man, without any consequences, but in life there are always consequences for our choices. so maybe it's time to set some boundaries, on just what u are willing to put up with, and if he continues doing the same old things, maybe it's time to get out of this marriage and the grief it is causing u.

Answer 6

Look to be completely honest with you i had something simuler to this happen to me all i can say is if you can take the humiliantion of people talking behind your back then stick it out. But we all know that he's probably up to no good, and the wife is "ALWAYS" the last one to find out. Take it from me been there done that if your smart leave while you still can and dont look back. I couldn't do it but its all up to you I strongely beleive that when your ready you'll do it without anyones advicegood luck to you.

Answer 7

I know you're going to hear "Just talk to him, blah blah," But You can talk to a person and try to work this out until you are blue in the face... Has talking to hima bout this EVER worked? If you have talked and it still doesnt work I would say its time to hang it up with him.I know you love him because you have stayed with him for this long. But do you think this problem of his will get any better? doesnt sound like it if in fact he is like clockwork. My advise would be get out of there...... RUN dont walk, to the door. you and your child deserve to be happy. If your hubby is not taking marriage seriously what makes you think he will be dependable?

Good luck

Answer 8

u re working full time - why do u need a man? to feed and take care of? take care of your kid, maybe he will be more grateful. u will be much much better without this man of yours , trust me, i was single with 3 children, remembering those times as the most happiest times ever

Answer 9

The marriage isn't worth saving....you are on the road to disaster...you already have financial issues and yet he continues...you obviously do not share the same goals...he is not thinking about you, the kids, or your futures....time to cut your losses and move on before you have nothing....good luck

Answer 10

its time to tell him that the party is over, this guy isn't grown up and probably never will be. its time to get the divorce and make a life for yourself before its too late. belive me, there are much better fish out there!

Answer 11

i just separated from my husband of seventeen years. was doing it to me when where together for 5 yrs. he wont change believe me. i stuck through this long. it might change for a few months but he will go back to the same thing. move on sweety your waisting your life and time.