So, I have two kids with my husband, WHICH MAKE MY SITUATION MORE COMPLICATED. Over the last year my job has moved me around and we haven't been able to see each other that much, but we still found things to argue about. Now my job is more stable and he and my daughters live with me now on the otherside of the country. I just don't want to be with him anymore, I'm not happy and I don't know what to do. I know it's better for kids if parents stay together but is it really better for them if we fight all the time? I just want to do the best I can for them, but be happy too. If I don't stay with him, my kids won't be able to see their Dad for months at a time. I need help and please spare me about marriage being sacred because I know that and I admit It was wrong for me to get married and have kids so young. I love him and I don't want to hurt him but I dont want to be with him anymore.
2007-01-03 23:21:18 · 19 answers · asked by MAL GAL 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
no. it's not good for your kids if they see you fighting all the time. sometimes you just need a break from your family where there is no conflict. mayb go on a holiday and sort things out there. if things dont work out and u still feel the same way, then it's up to you to tell your husband the truth, otherwise you'd be living a lie and you will always continue to feel this way towards your husband. at the same time, breaking up is not easy for the kids. u hav to help them realise you're not happy anymore and that you're doing this for the right reasons, not because you dont love them. if you dont say those things to your kids, they will feel neglected and u wouldnt want that for your kids. my parents argue all the time too, sometimes over us, sometimes over their relationship and taking sides, but if one day i were to find out that they would no longer be together, i'd be completely devastated, but if i were to find out the reasons why they were doing this and see the kind of battle they go through, i'd understand that it would be something that has gotta happen.
2007-01-03 23:30:05 · answer #1 · answered by kristyb872001 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no easy way to say how you feel, so don't try and sugar coat it if you decide to go separate ways. Its not better for the children to stay in a marriage because of them, just like its not better to get married because you are having a child.Marriage is between adults, not children. If you know for sure this is what you want, then don't waste time and drag it out.You two are still at speaking terms, this is the time to do what you feel is right for you. and just maybe he is at the same place you are and doesn't know how to said it either. you say your job is more stable now, but for how long? If he has a more stable environment and can provide a more stable life, for the children, then allow him to have the children. Do whats best for them as you said. However you work it out, everyone will feel hurt and will have things to work out for themselves. If you two decided not to address the issues and continue on this path, there will be so much more added to the plate. You don't want to hate or resent each other and make this uglier or harder then it has to. Best of Luck
2007-01-04 08:34:11 · answer #2 · answered by livelovelaugh 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if you are not happy anymore and all you do is fight, that is not good --- for you OR the kids. And, your spouse, too. Chances are he feels the same way, too, but doesn't want to say anything to you for fear he may be wrong. I would try and schedule a sit-down time with him and bare your soul. The worse that could happen is he could go off on you because he DOESN'T feel the same way as you. Maybe try marriage counseling. But, if you know for sure that you are not wanting to be married any longer, be honest with him because if you don't do it soon, you will become more and more miserable and any chance at a peaceful dissolution will go out the window and it could turn messy. Good luck. I am here for you.
2007-01-04 07:27:03 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry you are finding yourself in this situation. If you have tried everything you can possibly do to work out what ever problems the two of you maybe having then it is time to let things go. Sure it is better for the children to have two parents but it is not good to fight all the time. It is not good for your health or the children's or his. But what you should be asking yourself is why the two of you are fighting all the time? And try to fix that, no one said that marriage is easy. But trust me the grass is not greener on the other side. It is very hard to start over specially with two children to take care of. Way your pros's and con's and most of all talk to him, maybe both of you are feeling the strain of the marriage, it really is a decision the two of you need to discuss and work through. If divorce is the answer for the two of you then work through together on how you can handle it to best suit the children. After all this should affect them as little as possible. Best of luck to the two of you and your children.
2007-01-04 07:39:13 · answer #4 · answered by victoria_bell_99 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It isnt better for kids if the parents are in a love-less marriage. It extremely hard on them, and may take lots of counselling to get over it. You need to tell your husband that it just isnt working for you anymore! Your kids will suffer from you being together...
Quote "The best thing a Father can do for his children is love their mother" - or visa versa...
2007-01-04 07:24:42 · answer #5 · answered by xo_mzbeck_ox 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is common for women to loose interest. You need to be stimulated and your current hasband is not doing that. So you would like to step out and be satisfied. Chances are just having an escape from the fighting is your first satisifaction you seek.
The thing is. Fighting is your choice. Fight is his choice too. Someone has to choose something else and if escape is your best solution do it. It sounds like your brain left the nest a long time ago.
2007-01-04 08:36:31 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had many fights with hubby, But not anymore, We are very happy each other after lot of fights, our fights was wild, had police officer come between us three times. we were madly in love each other so fights were wild. LOL
well,
Fights don't get forever.
You need remember why become fight?, problem between you and him.
Fighting is still a communication each other, you may be doesn't know real about him, he doesn't know about you either.
Please be patient, listen what he has to say, watch what he does, Ask him "what he think about me?" listen careful what he thought about you.
He will tell you about your problems and the truth is hurt sometime.
Keep temper low, deep breath, try to understand him.
then he will understand you too.
We both from different background, so we did fight each other for many reasons. It was good, I miss fighting with my hubby.
LOL
2007-01-04 09:56:01 · answer #7 · answered by foxxmay2001 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like most of your problems stem from frequent arguments. So, rather than get a divorce, stop arguing. It takes two people to argue. If you feel tempted to criticize or disagree, resist; don't do it. If you feel criticized or that your husband is disagreeing, walk away for awhile, count to 10, and/or change the subject. Declare a truce. If possible, enlist your husband in the truce. If not, do it unilaterally. After you stop arguing for a few weeks, you will begin to feel closer.
2007-01-04 08:23:49 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have to do whats right for you. Being with someone you don't love anymore is not fair to the other person. Living a lie is not good either it will only bring on more arguements. That is not good for your children. Life changes and you just need to let your children know that yous both love them the same and that will never change and that the only thing that is changing is the living arrangments. You have to be honest to yourself and well as to him. Time to move on.
2007-01-04 08:02:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If your fighting all the time your husband isn't happy either. I thing marriage counseling would be a good option.. If he won't go then you go without him. Speaking to a neutral party can put things in perspective. Good Luck
2007-01-04 08:21:33 · answer #10 · answered by Frann 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋