i have made a terrible mistake?

Question

i got married bk in july, which i shouldnt of done as i was having second thoughts. since we got married everything has changed, he tlks to me like crap and he doesnt respect me in anyway, i have recently been talking to another lad and we have become very close and i am starting to get feelings for him another problem is that he is married but i know he feels the same way for me.
i know that if i leave my husband it is going to upset alot of ppl but should i stay with him even though im really not happy

Answer 1

It is a sad place to be - but it will get alot sadder and lonely if you have an affair. You are feeling close to this lad because he is giving you what you husband isn't. If you weren't married would you still feel the same for this other man? You need to sort the marriage out before you get anymore involved otherwise there will be 2 marriages that have been damaged. If keeping everybody else happy by staying in the marriage with a man who doesn't care is more important than your happiness then stay. You need to stand up for yourself and either work at your marriage and stay away from this other man or leave your husband who it sounds to me you should never have married in the first place. Having an affair and just forgetting the marriage is wrong - good luck

Answer 2

Marriage is hard but it is even harder when we are not happy. Maybe your husband is just as unhappy as you are? If at all possible talk to him about it. It sounds as though the two of you are ready to give up on the marriage. If you were having second thoughts before you even married him odds are you should have not married him. Can't change the past but you can change the future. No one should have to be in a relationship that they are not happy in. If you have tried everything humanly possible to make this work and still things are the same then end it. But don't give up unless it is what you really want. You did not trust your instincts the first time when you were having doubts, so now is the time to trust your instincts. Ask your self if there was not another lad in the picture would you be thinking about leaving your husband? No matter what you decide do not let the fact that you will be upsetting a lot of people sway your decision. It is your life and only you have to walk in your shoes. Best of luck to you and yours.

Answer 3

I think that you should discuss this with your parents if you can. They love you and want the best for you.
We can all make mistakes,but we don't have to pay for them for the rest of our lives.
If you don't love this man and he treats you like dirt, then he doesn't love you either and you are best out of the marriage.

If you cannot return to your parents home, have you a friend who might put you up for a time?

As far as this other chap is concerned, if you think about it, he really is'nt much of a catch either is he! after all he's seeing you.Think about his wife.

I'm sixty and have been married three times,have had numerous relationships and have seen numerous relationships, both good and bad.

The one piece of advice I can give you, is don't ever leave one person for another, there is only one person in this world you can truly rely on and that's you.

Sort yourself out first, you might leave your husband to be with this bloke and he might not leave his wife.

You probably have feelings for this chap because your being so badly treated at home.

Look at your options, if you can go to a friend or your mum and dad, pack and go.Don't worry what other people might say, their not having to put up with what you are .Also don't worry about material things, just take your clothes, anything else is replaceable at a later date.

Put this other fella on the back burner until you have sorted your own life out, you don't want the baggage he has as well to sort out.

Once you are settled,then go and see a Solicitor, you cannot apply for a divorce until you have been married for a year, but you can apply for a legal seperation which will get the ball rolling.

You are obviously very young, so please take this advice from someone who knows through learning the hard way.

If you stay with your husband, you could end up pregnant, and then you will have another person to consider which will make breaking up even harder, also you will always have a tie with your husband because you have a child together.

Get out now, I think as few month's from now, if you make the right choice you will look back and realise that breaking up was the best in the long run.

If this other fella really feels something for you, he will do the same as you with his wife.Then once you are both single, if things are meant to be they will be.

Good luck, be strong, and make the right decision.

Answer 4

You shut the stable door after the horse had bolted didn't you-you silly girl..you should have listened to your SECOND THOUGHTS FIRST! However-all is not lost...AS LONG AS YOU DO NOT HAVE AN AFFAIR...your present problems would increase tenfold if you did! Your husband obviously does not respect you enough to even communicate with you in a reasonable, calm and adult manner, seeing as he has shown his true colours to you now-so i doubt that counselling/marriage guidance is going to work for you here. No-one should put up with spousal abuse, so you need to seperate, then apply for a divorce. Sorry, but you have to watch yourself with regards this other married guy...even more so than your husband! He may be on the level with you with what he says-on the other hand he could be sniffing about to see what he can get because he's not getting it at home, or he might just want "different"--do you know anything about this guy's history-the family, the dynamics of their relationship/marriage? I would sort your own marital problems out first m'dear, then let "married lad" sort his out too, before delving into the murky nasty world of the cheat.

Answer 5

Damnit woman! I hate people like you!

Instead of being poor little woman at home who husband doesn't respect, maybe you need to sit down and think about where it's gone wrong. Or is that too much effort for you? Do you want to be another statistic?? If not, get your *** down to the marriage counsellors with your so-called husband, get rid of this guy who yuo're getting close with, ask him to back off as you love your husband.

All this 'oh woe is me' is PURELY PYSCHOLOGICAL -you've got it into your head that your marriage isn't working so you've sought comfort in another man who is paying attention to you and giving you what you're craving. Go back home, cook your husbands favourite meal, dress up sexily for him - open up to him, no holds barred. Tell him your feelings, how you feel, how things at the moment make you feel. Just do it and see his reaction.

I've read your previous questions - you're 19 and clearly still really immature. I've turned 20 in Oct, and I can genuinely honestly say that my boyfriend & I have the most genuine, open and honest, deepest relationship and I can now say it's marriage stable. We've been together for two years and getting married next year. Think next time.
It'll be worth it for your marriage to get back on the right track.

Answer 6

Start respecting yourself hon. Just because you got married it doesn't mean you have to stop being you or putting up with emotional and psychological abuse. You are worth more than this. Do things that are going to boost your self esteem because you sound miserable. Talking to this lad obviously makes you feel good because he gives you the right kind of attention - you can communicate with each other and you feel close because of this but an affair just messes everybody up, especially as he is also married. How were communications with your husband before you got married? Is it beyond repair or can you see a future if you stay with him? Perhaps you could try couple counselling and if you can't work out your differences after than why make two lives miserable? He deserves to be with someone who loves him too.

Good luck with whatever path you choose x

Answer 7

Firstly please don't (and i'm sure you wouldn't, but just to be sure) base you decision of what we say, its gotta be your choice.

In my opinion, if your not happy and werent before the wedding getting married was never going to be the right thing to do. Before deciding to leave you should sit down with your husband and talk about how you feel if nothing changes, i'd leave for you and nobody else. Its sounds like he's destroying your confidence and it takes along time to rebuild.
As for this new guy, getting involved with a married man is NEVER (note the capitals) a good idea you shouldnt take his word for it that he will leave his wife its not as simple as that even if he says he feels the same. Good Luck x

Answer 8

I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. The emotions, of your husband and yours "possible" divorce, the fact that your lover moved on and didn't wait on you, the fact that you are so in love with this man. I only have two questions, are you 100% sure deep down he is in love with you still? Are you sure you are not having these feelings because of everything going on in your realationship with your husband? The only reason I ask is because a little over two years ago now, I almost had an affair on my husband with another guy who was everything my husband wasn't. We had met a casino, he made me feel like it was ok, to gamble, that I was wonderful, that my job was equal to his. My husband did no such a thing, to him I just went to work and I didn't make as much as he did in a week so that was bad to him, but I would get up and go. In 8 months I never missed a day at work. A friend of my husbands saw me one night in a casino with this other guy told my husband, and I told him we had never done anything but flirt because up to that point that is all that had happend. I know where you are, I know were you are going, your life needs to get straited out first before you try to even go to your ex, or any other realationship. Good Luck honey and may God bless you!

Answer 9

I don't see why people are advising you to break-up, yet leave the other married guy alone... If he is unhappy in his marriage, as you are in your, and you make each other happy, I don't see why he should be left to rot, and to keep both him and his wife unhappy. It's a bit double standards of everyone, don't you think?

Sure you'll upset people, and I wouldn't roll out a new guy as the reason for ending what has turned into a poor marriage.

I can agree with the idea of trying to save your marriage, but it does sound like both of you regret doing it, so before there are any kids to hurt, bring it to an end.

Answer 10

if u were having second thoughts before u even married him, u shouldn't have married. i stayed in a marriage 10 years, and was treated badly almost the entire time, personally it would be easier to get out of it now before u have children and have so many ties that u can't. if your not happy, your never going to be, based on how he treats u. but don't base it on this other man, if u want to leave the marriage do it because your unhappy not because u have found somebody else. and that somebody else is married, and will only complicate your life farther. stay away from married men, as they will not bring u the happiness u seek.