i had still birth last month its really heartbreaking,trauma 4 me.wat do i need to forget all those bad things

Question

im so afraid for the second pregnancy.what if happen again?

Answer 1

I am so sorry. You will need to grieve for your loss. It is actually good that you are already looking forward to another pregnancy, even if you are worried about it. Talk all your fears over with your doctor. He'll put your mind at ease, I'm sure.

Answer 2

You poor darling! Maybe you can talk to someone, a physcholigist would be good or someone in the counseling area at the prenatal office or a grieving group to help you. It's probably natural to be afraid about another baby; but I think it's too soon to go that route until you have handled this terrible loss. Nutrition is a big factor in still born and miscarriage situations. You have been through a very traumatic ordeal! Don't just wash over it like it's no big deal or talk to people who can't possibly help you.
Good Luck. I will be holding you up in prayer. God is the Great physician!! Read the 91st Psalm if you get overwhelmed. It'll comfort you.

Answer 3

I'm truly sorry to here about your loss. I am not gonna give you an advise on how to get by this ordeal since I have never experienced anything like it. However, I believe that the best thing for you when getting pregnant again is to see it as the wonderful thing it really is and to have purely positive thoughts during the pregnancy. What you feel and think will affect the child, if you are happy the child will be happy :-).

I wish you all the best luck and happiness in the future. I am sure that everything will work out fine for you.

Answer 4

Im so sorry to hear that, I just cannot comprehend how u must feel. My miscarriage was bad enough. I don't think the odds of it ever happening again are high tho, im sure everything will be fine the next time round. U really need to talk to an expert, someone who can put your mind at rest over this. U must grieve for your baby for as long as u need to, it is vital for your healing process. Good luck honey, and stay strong

Answer 5

I'm very sorry for your loss. However don't try to 'forget', instead try to 'remember'. Like how you felt during your pregnancy, like how you felt when you decided to have a child. etc. Remember why you got pregnant in the first place and this should help you to try again. Remember-- a child is God's gift to us. I lost my 23 year old son last year and the grief never goes away, but you must remember the good things about the loved one you lost. Prayer is the best help for you and anyone who loses a loved one. Good Luck

Answer 6

There is no easy thing to tell you me and my gf's first pregnancy ended in still birth.. they say that just happends with some firsts. There is no real way to get over it.. just try to keep busy to keep your mind off of it.. believe me I understand what you are going through it is a very hard time.. When you get pregnant again and that baby comes... even then you will still have some sorrow.. but then you will be attempting to keep up with the little one.

Answer 7

the more u try to 4get, the more trauma u'll get. and in worst case, it will lead to depression. talk to yr partner, call sos for a talk. get it out of yr chest and move on. We women tends to remember the gd things and bad things as well. Facing it braverly will help u to recover faster. Pray for it to be received by god. Have a gd rest in physical body first b4 planning for a 2nd one. chinese medical herbs can help to restore the ying and yang in yr body. with healthy body, the 2nd one should be no problem. my 1st child had no pulse, so have to abort it. I drink about a short shoot glass of Benedict DOM every night. it helps to restore my health. 1 year later, i had my 2nd one. i am a happy mum, but nevertheless, i still remember my 1st one.

Answer 8

So sorry to hear about your loss. But don't think negatively. Google the number for Exhale, and talk to one of the counselors, they are great, and will stay on the phone with you as long as you like.

Answer 9

I'm also so sorry for you, but don't give up. Your positive mood is necessary. Read this article on how to prevent probability of stillbirth http://www.baby-health.net/articles/208.html

Answer 10

Every type of loss has its own set of issues, and every individual has his/her own set of issues related to any loss; but all serious loss has some thing in common when it comes to stages of grief. Up until recently there had been five stages of grief identified, but apparently recently the description of the grieving process (among people working in that field) has been updated and refined. So, if you haven't done this already, do a search for "stages of grief" or "updated stages of grief". If you read up on grief it will help you know what to expect.

One of the the consequences of stillbirth and miscarriage (and I know miscarriage usually isn't as horrible as stillbirth) is the fear that it will happen again. If you haven't done this already, you should also study up on the emotional effects of experiencing what you have.

I had a family member who lost her 20-month old child, and she thought joining a support group would help; but she found it was just a "re-hashing" of the loss and decided she'd rather not do that.

There are things that you won't forget but that will take up less "space" in the "foreground" of your mind after a while. One of the best ways of making all that bad stuff in your mind go more into the background is to try to add positive experiences/joy that will help outweight the negative stuff. The "level" of positive has to be as high as possible, though, because obviously something like getting flowers every day (positive but low-level joy) can't come close to "matching" what you've been through.

Unfortunately, it is difficult to find "positive" that is as great as the "negative" you've been through. What my family member came to realize was that the only thing that could possibly make her feel the least bit better was to have something very big and wonderful happen in her life; and that was to have another child.

A couple of her friends suggested it was a "replacement child", and that bothered her. She knew she could not replace her lost child, but she also knew the only way to fight the pain of losing him was to try to bring a high-level joy into her life. Of course for her there wasn't the getting over the delivery factor that you have because her child was older.

So for now, you have to begin a certain amount of healing before you have another baby. One of the only things you may be able to do is try to keep your mind on as much other stuff as you can. Watch television that you like, be out with friends, come on a site like this and try to answer other people's questions about other stuff, etc. Sleep as much as you can, but don't try to sleep until you're about to "pass out". Don't give yourself time to be thinking for too long.

I've had my share of losses, and I've found that giving your mind a rest by thinking of neutral things or positive things or things that will make you laugh helps you get a little "emotional energy" to start rebuilding, which makes it a little easier to deal with the bad thoughts when they do come.

Find one comforting thought that works for you (like, "Things happen for a reason" or "What happened was an accident of Nature that nobody could do anything about" or "If my baby had lived he/she could have ended up suffering with a condition." or "All of us, living creatures, are here on our own terms; and how long we get to live is different for all of us."). Maybe you have your own comforting thought or two. Every time your mind starts to go over stuff again keep reciting your comforting thought to regain control of where your thoughts go.

Allow yourself to cry, of course, but don't let it get so out of control that you feel like you're going to lose your mind. You need to cry, but allowing it to get to where you're in a giant "state" can leave you feeling beaten up for a couple of days. So, if you're crying decide you just have to stop for now if it starts to escalate beyond being "regular" crying.

I've always found that if I put off thinking about/"dealing with" what has gone on in the beginning it becomes easier to think about/"deal with" it after some time has passed. There's no emergency when it comes to thinking about all the issues associated with what you went through. If you can keep your mind on other stuff while your emotions have a little time to heal and rest you'll be better equipped to process the "mental stuff" later.

You only went through this a month ago. That's nothing in terms of time. It takes about five full years to truly get over a loss (as much as it can be gotten over). Of course, it improves after the first year has passed and continues to gradually improve; but it really takes a full five years to feel completely normal and kind of in a "moving-on" mode emotionally.

You must know what caused the tragedy. It was either something wrong with the pregnancy (in which case the next pregnancy will be different most likely), something wrong with the baby (in which case the next baby probably won't have the same problem), or something wrong with something in your body/hormones (in which case doctors will know now to watch for problems in the future and deal with them).

When you have another pregnancy you are going to have to just decide that all will be fine (because in the vast majority of cases all is fine). Just decide you aren't going to be wondering about another stillbirth because you aren't going to allow that tragedy to take more away from you than it already has. Decide you are entitled to enjoy your next pregnancy as if it were your first and just refuse to even consider that another stillbirth could occur.

You probably went through the previous pregnancy just kind of assuming all would go well. You were probably shocked when it didn't. You dealt with the shock and disappointment when it occurred. Decide to do the same thing again. If something awful were to happen you'll deal with it just as you're now dealing with this. Chances are it won't happen, though, and why let the tragedy take away from the next pregnancy and baby.