My friend told us in the summer that he is gay. However it is obvious that he isn't. Help?

Question

He doesn't get much attention at home and everything he does is for effect. I've never met any of his "boyfriends" and we used to be really close and now we're drifting apart because he is always lying. When he told everyone he was gay, I was hurt especially because he dumped me a week or so beforehand. I try to talk to him but he either walks off or hangs up. I love him to bits and he will always be my best friend but i just want him to look me in the eye...

Answer 1

so tell me dear...why exactly did you choose to call yourself "spastic"?

Answer 2

This answer is going to be harsh purely because it is objective:

I am not gay so I don't know what he is going through...

I think the fact that you have dated doesn't help but if he says he is gay then go with it & try to understand. If you are a true friend then you should accept what he says.

Trying to talk to him he knows you don't understand.

There are two reasons he has told you he is gay (neither you will like)...

1) He is gay:
And you need to accept that and let him be who he is, he might not want you to meet his boyfriends seeing as you are an Ex. But it doesn't mean he doesn't like you.

2) He is not gay:
And he has used it as a reason for you not to be together anymore hoping it will put you off altogether.

Either way it is your attitude that needs to change

Answer 3

He's either a real rat and used the poorest dump technique in history, or you're in denial. It's hard to accept people change sometimes and it's scary because it takes you into the un-known. You end up feeling like this person is a stranger and it becomes incredibly hard to be yourself around them. Before you know, it's an effort to stay in touch and when you do talk it's a conversation filled with awkward silences and nervous glances at your feet! You're obviously very close nd i think you owe it to yourself and your friend to be supportive. Being there for somebody isn't about asking questions and making judgements, it's about making them feel safe and loved. I think your friend needs you, but not the suspicious you, the person he liked so much he chose as a friend. Good luck with this one Hun x

Answer 4

If your friend is 'acting out' for attention, then what he needs is for you to be there, be sympathetic, but be honest. If you turn your back on him because of his actions that will only confirm for him that you don't care enough about him. It will be tough, but stick with him even if his behaviour is completely out of line.

Tell him that you care about him and that you're concerned about his sexuality decision. Ask him how long he has known he is gay (most gay people know from a very young age) and ask him if he thinks it is possible that he might be confusing sexual feelings for attention. Tell him that he can talk to you openly about it and that even if he is gay it won't matter, but express you have your doubts and want to make sure that he is making the right choices for him.

He may be going through a tough time and his behaviour is just erratic because he doesn't know how to process or deal with how he feels. Give him someone who he can talk to and trust with his problems

Good Luck

Answer 5

He may or may not be gay - but whatever the situation, he's obviously tormented in some way and as a friend you are so important to him. I think it's vital that you are always there for him and that you never judge. Don't get into arguments about whether he's gay or not, just let him try out this or that and hopefully he'll appreciate knowing that he can always come back to you for a shoulder to cry on or companionship.

Answer 6

Looks like two things could of happened. He wasn't sure he was gay, so he used you to test the waters. What a friend. You were the tool and you got used. Nice to know you are so worried and concerned about upsetting him

Answer 7

You can never say "it is obvious" for matters like that. Even so, if he is lying about it, just think why he lies this way. I believe he has something else to hide and he wants to go away from you. Whether gay or not, if you care about him, stay his friend. Do not push for a more personal relationship if he doesn't show interest.

Answer 8

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Answer 9

Stick around. On your part keep putting in as much as you want to get out of the friendship, if he is lying he'll only be able to keep it up for so long and you can tell him how much he hurt you, if he's not lying hopefully he'll be really grateful you didnt walk away.

Answer 10

a BIT CONFUSED HERE - ARE YOU A MALE OR FEMALE ?
IF FEMALE - MAYBE YOUR FRIEND DOES NOT WANT TO PERSUE A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU , HE FOUND IT HIS WAY TO SAY HE IS GAY
IF YOU ARE A MALE , WELL THEN U KNEW HE WAS GAY , CAUSE U MENTIONED
HE DUMPED YOU
WHATEVER THE SITUATION , IF YOUR FRIEND HAS DECIDED FOR WHATEVER REASON THAT HE IS STEERING AWAY FROM YOU - MY ADVISE IS PLEASE LET GO - YOU REALLY CANNOT FORCE ANYONE TO LOVE YOU
LOVE MUST BE BALANCED BOTH WAYS
AS MUCH AS IT MAY HURT NOW AND MAYBE FOR A WHILE
YOU HAVE DONE YOUR BEST AND YOU KNOW THIS - SO JUST FIND YOUR WAY TO A HEART THAT APPRICIATES YOUR LOVE
GOOD LUCK AND DO TAKE CARE
LOVE IS STRANGE - IT CAN HURT A LOT

Answer 11

Why don't you just wait and watch him for sometime to see whether his assertion is true or not? Breaking up with someone you are attached to is always difficult, but you might realise after some time lapse that you can after all do without that person.