Question about sex....................?

Question

How often does a married couple have sex?

I'm getting married this month and we've saved ourselves for marriage although we've both had intimate relationships prior to meeting.

I feel that my need for sex is more than my significant other's.

As we have not had sex I need to know how it works in a marriage and how often married couples have or should have (for it to be a healthy relationship) sex.

Thanks.

Answer 1

The amount of sex you and your spouse have is entirely up to you. Don't try to fit into the "norm" or it will drive you nuts! When I got married my drive far exceeded my husband's and still does 17 years later. Don't let people tell you that all married couples stop having regular sex. Many do unfortunately due to time constraints and other excuses but if you make sex a priority in your marriage you will find time. My husband has adapted to my appetite but we go in spurts. Sometimes we follow his drive and have intercourse 3 or so times a week. Most of the time I take over and it is daily at the minimum. It just depends on which one of us is feeling more dominate at that particular time. Just make sure you are willing to initiate sex and make it fun and exciting for your s/o too so they don't get in a rut. That will slow down a person's drive more that almost anything else! Best wishes!!

Answer 2

Everyone is different and it does not have to dwindle in time. Although I am divorced, sex was not an issue and we had great sex at least 5 times a week for several years and it never got dull. Broke up for other non related reasons.

What is more important is what to do if you have different sex drives. If you like it everyday and he likes it twice a week - what then. Are you okay with this. Is he open minded and secure enough that you can pleasure yourself and him not feel intimidated if you decide to include a toy.

It is more important to know you are okay with different sex drives if that happens. My father was a once every 2 weeks guy (after 25 years of marriage) and my Mother more of once every few days. She accepted this because my father made up for it in all the other areas of the marriage. So part of how couples work these things out is very personal and how other parts of the marriage are.

I think a big problem many couples fall into, is when they get into a rut of parenting instead of embracing it. My ex never let herself look like a tired housewife and kept her interests in hobbies, horses etc. This kept her lively, vibrant and sexually exciting. this is a two way street - guys need to keep themselves appealing too.

I think if couples are fairly close in sex drive and put lots into all parts of the relationship, any differences can be tolerated and worked out. Remember that lower sex drive can be temp too - life pressures, money probs, HEALTH etc etc can effect sex drive.

Answer 3

There is no set quota for the amount of sex a couple should be having. Really, it's up to the couple themselves to figure out what they want. It may be the case that you have a stronger sex drive than your partner or vis-versa but you should be able to come to a happy medium. The thing about sex is, the more you have the more you want. But other factors come in to it too like general health, fatigue, stress etc. These and many other factors can effect how often you want to have sex. If everything is normal and neither partner is adversely effected by any of the fore mentioned factors I would say that 2 to 3 times a week is about average for a married couple to make love. This decreases though as time goes by and you get older. Hope this helps.

Answer 4

If there is one thing you should know more than anything else is that true intimacy has nothing to do with the act of sex itself.
Your significant others assumed feeling that "sex" is not as important as it is to you may be a product of fear. Fear of not being able to perform or satisfy you completely. Fear of the unknown!
The truest path to real intimacy is through communication with your lover. It is important that you respect each others fears and concerns through the process of learning each other sexually by talking about everything. There are times when my wife and I may not have sex for week or two at a time depending on circumstance. But when we do it is always very special and very intimate. Focusing on how often to have sex may be a sign of other underlying problems. A healthy relationship is one where the both of you can not have sex and still snuggle up next to each other have the best sleep of your life, because you are with the one you love!
Take my advice here....take your partner out for dinner have a drink or two and talk. It is the first step to real intimacy.

Answer 5

I can not give an example of myself because my marriage broke up, and we had sex, usually about 6 times a week.

My parents on the other hand, have been married for 29 years I think my father said today, and according to my mother they have sex 3-5 times a week on average. That includes the times when my sister and I were younger. I admire them for their relationship and can only hope to be able to last as long as them one day in a relationship. I do not count the marriage that broke up because it was abusive, but that is a whole other topic. good luck with your marriage! :) oh, and do not stress too much about how much sex you have, as long as both people are satisfied you will be happy :)

Answer 6

for younger couples it should be once or twice a day in the first or two years then it'll go down to twice a week or once a week. sometimes once in a while is better than everyday because you get to miss it and enjoy it when do. One more thing, if you plan to have children, sex will become secondary. Resolving problems and tending your children will take away the time for sex and this is normal. Good luck to you.

Answer 7

There js no "right" answer to this question. Couples vary in the amount of sex they are satisfied with. There are often times of ebb and flo of sexual activity in marriage, which is normal. It is also normal for each persons level of sexual desire to fluctuate at times. For example, it is normal for many women to have a decrease in sexual need after the birth of a child. This can be caused by hormonal changes, stess and lack of sleep!
The most important thing to a great sex life is to try to maintain a high level of emotional intimacy. Open, honest communication about both partners feelings and needs are essential. Realize that marriage is filled with a lot of things that require give and take, sex included. Causing a partner to feel "guilty" or withholding affection if you're not getting your way is manipulative and destroys intimacy. Remember to maintain your friendship with your spouse, give eachother support and understanding, and reassurance of your love for them.
Also, make sure both of you know how to sexually please eachother and bring them to orgasm. This is usually more difficult for women, so it may take time and experimentation to make things work well. Make sure she feels comfortable with you so she can be honest (and not fake it) if she needs you to try some different things.
The time to start open honest discussion is NOW, not after you are married or are having conflict.
Most of all, try to keep a sense of humor as you learn about eachother--sure makes it easier if you can keep pressure to a minimum.
Best wishes and good luck,
Liz

Answer 8

When you get married, the frequesncy is very HIGH as you both are need to explore each other and also sex urges are very very HIGH. As the time goes and depending of the circumtances of work and job and other stuff, also you get settled in life, Sex in once / twice a week in healthy and Okay for you.

Answer 9

Nats,

The closer his drive matches yours the happier you'll be. This is so important. Why do you think there are so many questions about "cheating" on this site. It's because on spouse is left in need by the other spouse, and they eventually have to seek satisfaction elsewhere.

I implore you, do not wrap your sex-life up with someone who does not share your level of sex appreciation, you'll be so sorry.

It sounds like he wasn't saving himself as much as he is sex adverse, and you weren't saving yourself as much as trying to appease his notion of sexlessness. This is a big red warning flag from my experience. Heed this flag... investigate thoroughly with your fiance, just what his level of sex interest is... if he is not as sex driven as you are... flee, run, run fast, or surely you will suffer an unimaginable hellish existence.

Bring this, whatever you do, do not have kids with this partner until you are sure you can be sexually happy with him for life.


Want to know more about the hell of a mismatched sex drive? Go to SWAGE and read the histories there.

Answer 10

That all depends on how physically attractive you are to each other. Sex shouldn't be a routine, but a feeling you follow through with, if your spouse looks attractive to you, then by all means initiate it, I'm pretty sure "no" will not be part of the equation... As many times as you have the urge.