Am I wrong for not wanting to get married at 19yrs old?

Question

We met during our freshman year in shcool and we survived all the high school years together and now we are in college...4yrs together almost 5. The point is that we've always "wanted" to get married because we love each other so much... now that I've matured more I see it as something very difficult. Am I not loving him enough for wanting to continue my career? i know that i can still study but i don't want to work while studying. My parents give me eevrything I need.. and support me for school but if I get married it's gonna be us and the world no one to help us out..no more daddy or mommy... am sacared...I want to continue studying Pre-Med and also study to be a paramedic but it's gonna be hard while being married... Help!!!! I've talked to him already he feels deeply sad and understands but what can I do?

Answer 1

no, you'll know when your ready and presently it sounds as though you don't feel ready

Answer 2

You are not wrong for not wanting to get married. Marriage is a really difficult challenge. It is rewarding, but it takes two totally committed people to make it work. Right now is the time of your life when you should be discovering yourself, who you really are and what you want out of life. If you get married, these doubts and fears will not go away, they will be buried only to resurface later on down the road. Sure he will be sad, but if he understands and loves you, this will merely be a stepping stone towards your future together. Do what you need to do now. Study pre-med, become a paramedic and do whatever else you need to do to become who you are supposed to be. He should do the same. If you grow with each other then marriage will be a natural progression. However, you may find that you grow different from each other as you take on lifes challenges and that's something you want to know before you get married, not after. So take some time. Enjoy being 19 and having the protective wing of Mom and Dad. You still have the rest of your life to live, you don't have to press the fast-forward button.

Answer 3

No you are not wrong for wanting to wait. That is a serious commitment to make to someone. Being married is a 24 hour job and it takes a lot of effort to make it work. Just because you love him and have been together for a long time, doesn't mean after you get married everything gets better. It will be the start of the two of you really getting to know each other when you live together. Don't stop dating each other, just wait until you are both out of school and don't have the extra stress on you. Also, you should take in consideration that if you two do marry right now, your parents will stop helping you financially, that means you will have to get a job to continue to pay the extremely HIGH tuition and living expenses. The both of you should do a Pro and Con sheet separately, come together and compare the sheets, then decide from that sheet which way to go. Be very honest.

Answer 4

True love can wait. You are not wrong for wanting to persue your career rather than get married at 19 - I'd call that right! And smart. There is no reason to be married now. When you've finished school, if you still want to be together you can do that. And you've been together since you were a child so really only one of those 5 years counts as an adult, and you still have so much growing, learning, and maturing to do. Enjoy life, go out there and experience things! You have the rest of your life to spend together, but you won't get these few special years in your early 20s back. If he loves you, he will only want the best for you.

Answer 5

Okay hun, I got married when I was 19 and I am not by any means saying this will happen to you but this is what happened...I did love him very much and i married him well, here I am now 21 and completely unhappy I haven't even been married two years yet. I think it is good that you want to go to school and not get married and If he loves you he'll see it as the same. What is his rush for wanting to get marrried anyway. Is he afraid he will lose you? just assure him he won't and tell him you want to save up until you have enough money to have a big wedding and be stable and waiting to get married is what you think would be best. It is really hard to work and go to school and if you just explain what you wrote up there to him, he should understand. It may take him a few days but he will come around

Answer 6

Do not get married! If you are having doubts then dont get married! It would be crazy to. If I were you, I would feel the same way! Why struggle for years when you can just delay getting married for a few more years. And even though yall made it all four years of high school and a year as freshmen, who is to say you or him wont change into a different person. I know college has changed me a lot and I have only been in college for one semester. I feel that I will have changed a lot from the time I enter college and the time I will graduate college.

Answer 7

You're being perfectly sensible. Your relationship doesn't need to end just because you don't want to get married - you can keep dating like you have been. If he gives you an ultimatum of marriage or nothing, take nothing. You'll be ultimately happier for continuing your education. Stay on your parents' insurance as long as you can, and your loans will be much better as a dependent than as a married person. It's clear that you already know what you need to do. If he's a good guy, he'll understand and be happy to be with you at all.

Answer 8

Definitely Not! You have a good head on your shoulders and sound very mature. If you marry him now, you will eventually resent him because you will have a very hard time working and trying to achieve all you need to continue your career. It's a lot of hard work and studying. If it's too hard, you may need to make a choice, work or school, being married, you would have to choose work because there will be bills. Then you may even get pregnant and have to stop work and school. There is a lot to think about, so I say NO! Stay in college, especially since you already spoke to him and he understands.

Answer 9

Honestly, no one can tell you what to do except yourself. There is nothing wrong in my eyes for getting married at nineteen. People say that gettting married that young is stupid and foolish, but if it what makes you happy, then go for it.

In your case though, I think that since you made it this far, you basically know that you can wait another few years. I think that you are scared. There is not going to be your mom or dad to always help you, but that is part of being married. You need to experience and go through problems like that together. I think that you should talk to him some more and tell him that you do want to get married but after you finish school (or even find a middle ground - like somewhere near the end). Then agree to have a long engagement. An engagement can be long and having a long engagement is not bad.

Studying in school is not going to be hard while you are married. You can always get loans. Education loans are guaranteed and you ca nget as much as you want within your limit. If you have that, maybe you can get a part time job and have you and your boyfriend live together in your parent's house and pay them some sort of rent. (This is if you do decide to get married.)

I understand that the above statement is not what you want to do, but I am just stating just options. Good luck with everything.

Answer 10

Don't even think of getting married !

People now-a-days stay together for years and grow to love each other even deeper than those married. Stress and money(or the lack of monies) is most often why divorce happen rather than cheating. Then if you come with child within a year or two you will not only have to work but most likely be strapped with raising the children, keep a clear mind. Get him to understand the issues that you have and most importantly why you have the issues.

If he has a problem with that then you need to move on !

I give you this advise due to experience, when I married my high school sweet-heart I knew we were going to be together till our 90yrs but the truth was that after 7 yrs we were like strangers living together and with large problem and 4 children. I finally left the marriage in order to survive, i never forgot my kids and took care of them. It was hard for me, I finally got an RN degree in nursing so did alright and retired from the US Army. It was hard to keep going and life at times sucked, I can tell you how many times I regretted being married. I love her as she did I, but things changed and she felt the same way.

Just wait till most of your wants are filled and your better off with education and personal wealth.

Answer 11

The way you feel is very mature. If he loves you now he will love you when you are through with school. I made that mistake, got married at 18, sadly it did not last and although I promised myself I would continue my education, I did not. It's too hard to go to college full time, work full time and be a newlywed. You can always get engaged and plan for It to be a long one. But under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you do it feeling the way that you do. Wish I would have been as mature as you are! Good Luck!!!!