Could bottling up my feelings about my friends deaths be damaging my health?

Question

My best friend died when i was 15. I then became really close to his brother, and i've never loved anyone as much as i loved him (as a friend). He died in September. I have a habit of just carrying on as normal so that's what i've done. I think about both of them all the time, but i don't let myself cry over them, or let anyone else know how i'm feeling. Another friend keeps telling me i need to let my feelings out and says he's always there for me if i need to talk. He thinks that talking will make me feel better. I always deal with things on my own - that's just my way, i don't like to involve anyone else in my problems. But i'm worried about how this may effect me in the longrun - especially as a few times recently i've seriously started to think i was going mad. Does anyone know about these things? Could i be damaging my health (mental or physical) by bottling up my feelings and putting a brave face on it for so long? Also does anyone have any advice on dealing with my feelings?

Answer 1

My brother was 26 when he passed away this past may. I can't even write the word died or when I talk about him I hate to say "his grave" and I hate to look at Hurst. I have had a terrible time dealing with it. Some days I don't even think about it I just pretend it didn't happen. Then it jolts me like a knife and I am crying. I go through angry spells (he committed suicide) at him. I have always heard you have to go through the grieving process to be able to have a healthy mental status. You can get stuck in some of the processes and it can affect you. Look up grieving processes for loosing someone. Maybe you can find some answers. Everyone is different. I wish you luck. I know the pain is bad and speaking out will help you. Also if you write in a journal or poetry about your feelings and memories it will help. Prayer has been my strength. God Bless!

Answer 2

Bottling up your feelings can do some serious damages to you personally. Get together with someone that you know very well such as a best friend whether male or female that doesn't matter just as long as you are comfortable with that person. You need to get all those things off your chest about your feelings toward the person that had past away. Let your feelings be known. If this doesn't help then another way that can help ease some of your pain and suffering is to get in a quiet place alone. The main thing that you'll need for this is a pen and lots of paper. Write a letter to the person that past away. Write down exactly what you really feel about this person. Remember, start at the very beginning of your relationship. Write down what you feel about him. When finished with the letter, gather all pages from your letter and place it in a picture frame over your bed so when you see the picture frame you will also see your heart as well!!!

Answer 3

By keeping your feelings held in as long as you have means you have good coping mechanisms- but if to many tragic things happen in a persons life and they don't express their feeling about- either verbally or on paper- I think it can cause some type of mental breakdown. I am not a professional but I have seen a person who turned all their anger emotions inside and now they are a very angry person no matter what the circumstances!They hate everyone, everything and it is all everyone else's fault- not theirs! So I would say if you don't feel like talking about things w/ someone then start a journal or write a letter to the two people that have died and lay them at their gravesite. Stay Strong!

Answer 4

Hi of course it can effect your health, but i dont suppose it can effect it the way if you are upset all the time. You will know when its is effecting you as you will change towards people. I have a habit of keeping things lock away and hiding my feelings as i feel no one can sort them out so i dont bother. But when i have talked to people about stuff it does feel better inside. But maybe what would help you is to go and see a councellor, and explain to them. I know talking to a friend may help if you have never opened up before, but tell someone you dont know i think helps better as they cant judge you or tell you what to do.
If you do decide to talk talk to a close friend first and see how you feel deep down. But i admire people like you who just get on with things knowing the things that have happened in there life is bad. As i dont think i could.

Answer 5

I am an alternative medicinal therapist and in my training I was taught that it's always good to talk to your patient it helps any treatment I am giving to work better. So yes it is very good for you to talk it is also very very good to cry it is the bodies safety valve that releases tension. Also it helps to get rid of toxins in the body that is why a woman who is near a period always cry, its the bodies way of ridding toxins and tension. If you don't talk and cry you are building tension that effects the whole body and you
end up with all kinds of illnesses. So never be ashamed to cry or burden a mate with your problems. I tell all my on line patients that I am always here if they ever have a problem or want to talk
Also stress and tension can make you lose weight. I was under stress a while ago and i lost 3 stone in 9 months.
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Answer 6

when somone diesespecially someone you care about alot of people do bottle up there feelings cause its hard too talk about these things..yes over along period of time if you keep these feelings too urself it will effect both your mental and pyhsical health because the simple fact is everyone at some point does need too talk about the ones they lose...

my advice is this:- If you feel you can not talk too family or friends and dont want too see a cousellor say what you need too say when your bye urself out load and get it out.it might sound crazy but it will help...

If your still worried go see your doctor talk too your parents talk with a friend someone you can trust dont keep feelings inside cause eventually it will get too much for you...

no your not going mad your hurting by not talking about this your basically telling your mind too forget it pretend that these things didn't happen the things is they did happen and whatever your feeling inside you do need too deal with because you dont want too get sick do you..

your friends are gone but just because they are gone doesnt mean you will forget them if you grieave for them that is part of the process.grieave for them but remeber them not in your mind in your heart and never forget all the good times you shared together this is the way of life and i think deep down you know that you just dont want too except it and i dont blame you it isnt fair when you lose the people you love but theres a old saying id love for you too remember whatever doesnt kill you makes you all the stronger...

talk too someone about these feelings you have it will do you good

good luck...

Answer 7

Everyone has a way of dealing with things, yours may not be to share your problems with the world. If you feel like you need to get something out, there is always the option of writing: journals, letters-whether you send them or not, even anonymous postings online (like this one!) If you need to talk, consider a counselor. Contrary to popular belief, there is NOTHING wrong with getting a little support. It doesn't mean you are weak or crazy or whatever hesitations you may have perceived. You know what you need to do, its just a matter of finding your way of doing it. It is important that you take some kind of action if you are concerned about your health.

Answer 8

My flatmate killed herself a few years ago so understand what you mean.
I talk about her to people and it helps a great deal, don't look for answers within to help you through it - you don't even have to look for answers as there are none, loss is gradual process to move on from.
The memory of the person at the moment makes you feel weak but soon it will make you strong.

Answer 9

Try writing your feelings down. If you really have no one to talk to or just email one of us. And after a few days go back and read what you wrote. you will be amazed at what comes out of you. You need to release that pain that you are holding. It could maifest itself as headaches, sleeplesness, lots of things that are not good for you.

Answer 10

If you think you can deal with problem by yourself, you won't ask question in Yahoo Answer. Everybody need friend to talk to no matter how strong minded you are. Try to have more exercise, if you don't like to talk about your problem. Do more writing to your friend by emailing them.