My now fiance recently proposed, but before he did he mentioned that he would ask my mother for permission (meaning the same gesture as asking a father for his daughter's hand in marriage or asking for a parents blessing). I asked him not to do it since I wanted the engagement to be a suprise to them and also because I thought it was just a traditional thing that wasn't really done anymore, but now I've read things that seem to suggest it is still done a lot - should I have let him ask them, does it matter that I didn't? (They're very happy about the engagement).
2007-01-03 16:31:55 · 23 answers · asked by Grace1228 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I married almost a year ago, and my now husband discussed our getting married with my mother prior to asking me (my father is deceased). Asking for your hand in marriage is quaint, and shows respect for your parents, but certainly is not required. Be glad that they are happy for you, and apparently enjoyed being "surprised". It's all water under the bridge now, you cannot change the past. Just be happy, plan your wedding and have a wonderful life!
2007-01-03 16:41:53 · answer #1 · answered by Proud to be 59 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is way old fashioned. The custom of asking for your hand in marriage is a throw back to the mentality that you are a possession that your parents must release to a man. When it comes down to it the relationship and the marriage is between the two of you... everyone hopes that families love and accept the new person but no one asks for someones permission anymore... what would your man do if your mother or father said no? Just dump you and move on?.... I hope not.
2007-01-03 16:56:55 · answer #2 · answered by No More 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he's just being respectful to your parents. I think you should leave it up to him, since he's the one proposing, not you! So, it's not really your place to say yes or no. It's his decision to ask them first. Yes, it's traditional, but by all means, he's just paying his respects. It doesn't matter if your parents are happy about the engagement. Let him do his thing, leave it alone & don't complain about it. It doesn't matter how he does it, either way you should be happy because you got your ring!
CONGRATS!
I know what it's like. My hubby & i are still newlyweds. Were reaching our first year anniversary soon =)
Congratulations to the both of you.
2007-01-03 16:38:09 · answer #3 · answered by sugarBear 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't matter as long as you two are happy. My fiance wanted to ask my Dads permission, but time would not allow for him to go down and ask. He did have my Mom's complete blessing though and all of our parents are completely thrilled for us. Some people like to do things the traditional way and others don't. You don't have to do what everyone else has done. Just be yourselves and happy and don't worry aobut what others are doing.
2007-01-03 16:35:22 · answer #4 · answered by Dawnita 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Grace, you're old enough to know that you can't change history. All you can do is change the way you think about it. Sounds like all is well, even though he didn't ask. But it might be worth a chuckle to have him tell your parents he was planning on doing it. That way, if parents think it was important they will be pleased that he thought of it. If they think it wasn't important, no harm, no foul. It is somewhat old fashioned, what with so many individuals living alone...or living together for months/years before they get married. But it's still nice.
2007-01-03 16:37:41 · answer #5 · answered by judgebill 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would largely be a symbolic gesture - and as such, it can be viewed either as unnesessary in a practical sense, or as meaningful in a personal sense. I personally would lean towards the former interpretation - if I felt that my parents had a strong say in whom I marry, I would let them get to know the man, and would then ask for their opinion; it would not be necessary for the man to formally "ask" them for my hand in marriage, as the ultimate decision would lie with me. I think the way you handled it was just fine. Congratulations.
2007-01-03 16:46:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please don't listen to the little infantile children on this one they will only do you harm. Yes you should ask, it shows concern for their feelings, respect, and actually exhibits class.
It can really put the engagement on a positive note. Look both sets of parents play important roles in both of your lives, and they have paid for it by sacrifice and hard work. To show them that their opinion matters is showing maturity.
2007-01-03 16:44:31 · answer #7 · answered by John E 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It really has to do with your family's history. It's not the most popular way now a days. Hell, you're lucky if your fiance and your parents get along! If it's not something you've heard of your family doing i wouldn't worry about it. Plus, they're happy now and that's all that matters!!!
CONGRATULATIONS AND BEST OF LUCK!!! :)
2007-01-03 16:39:24 · answer #8 · answered by The One 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that it is definitely a nice gesture. It is not absolutely necessary for your boyfriend to ask for your hand in marriage, but it certainly won't hurt anything. It is a good way for him to let your father know that your boyfriend respects him and you.
2016-05-23 01:35:11 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well-- it depends very much on what country you're in. but if you're in the US of A, then it's totally up to you-- you know your parents best--- what'd they prefer? would they be plesently supprized by this engagement?
and that formality, is technically a formality--- he can still ask for their blessing if he feels the need. after you've suprised the parents... congqrats and good luck :-)
2007-01-03 16:36:42 · answer #10 · answered by The greatest and the best. 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋