What do I do about my Husband's strange/sick behavior....?

Question

Okay, I'll be no one has heard of this before......I've been married 22 years, 3 kids, the dog, house, cars, etc. My husband's sex level is like that of a 16 yo. Mine however died years ago. The relationship is all but over...I'm just trying to figure out how and when to leave him. That's another issue for another time. My mother lives with us. I feel I have to sleep w/ one eye open all the time. After he thinks everyone is asleep, he'll walk around the house naked. He'll sneak into my mom's room and crawl around on the floor, play sexually explicit CDs very low, even when the doors locked, he'll get in. I think he has even masterbated in other rooms of the house...including my mom's room when she is supposedly sleeping. He says things and does things around me, as well when he thinks I'm sleeping. He is very sneeky and it is just a very sick thing. I've never in my life heard of anything like this. I want to leave but don't know how. Please only true advice needed. Thx.

Answer 1

I would get a restraining order on him under sexual misconduct. What he is doing to your mother is beyond abnormal and he needs serious help! NO lack of sex did not do this to him (as previous people have said) He needs more than just a good roll in the sack to cure his disturbed mind! I agree to put him out, what he is doing is wrong and you should not have to put up with moving and finding a new place to live...you need to ask him to leave, if he doesn't you then need to demand that he leave and if he still doesn't leave you need to speak with a lawyer about proving the sick and perverse things he is doing and get a restraining order on him! Man...that's just NUTS!!!

Answer 2

Men dont choose to have the sexual desire that they have. It is caused by the amount of testosterone that is active in them. Men just simply choose "how" they will satisfy the desire for sexual fulfillment that the testosterone causes. Itslike a young dog that has a lot of energy but his owners leaves him in the house all day while they are at work. then they wonder why the dog chewed up the furniture, and things. The dog doesnt like chewing furniture, but that was a way to release that built up energy. Same for a man, or women, who doesnt know the different ways to satisfy their sexual desire.Often times we release
that energy in ways that are not right. Porn, an affair, peeping tom, or a number of ways. Im not making excusses for him, I'm just trying to help you to understand what he is going thru. Most people dont know how to get their emotional needs met, or they dont know how to deal with sress the right way, so they will eat, or drink. Its the same principle.
Dont give up on the marriage. I know there is no feelings left, but that can all be fixed. You just dont know how. You abviously seen something in him or you wouldnt have got married. Get to a good counselor and they can help you get on track. When people get married, they think that because they "love" each other, that the marriage will last forever. The divorce rate is over60%. Obviously that reasoning is wrong. Love is not the key to a successful marriage. Knowledge is. The bible says that,"my people are destroyed for a lack of knowledge". What would be a real shame would be to end the marriage when it could have been saved with a little work.
Getting back to your husbandyou should confront him about it. Ask him if he is willing to get some help to change. If not, I would want him out of the house till he does make the changes, cause this behavior could escalate to new levels and could be harmful to others. Get some help from a good counselor. They will give you some ideas as to what you should do. Hope this helps. :)

Answer 3

Ma'am, the problem is deep. It truly starts with the part where your sexual appetite 'died years ago' and his is still active. Since having sex is considered a healthy activity, at least try to find out why you're not interested anymore. If it's due to your husband's pattern of 'kinkiness' or some other reason that has always been a turnoff to you, then that's a different story. If divorce isn't the answer, then the next immediate priority is your mother's safety. She should be warned. Then either her or both of you can decide how to avoid any potential confrontation between all three of you (not the least being, she may need to move out)

Answer 4

Set up some video surveilance. You need proof. Set up a webcam on your computer or in your mums room, maybe even a nanny cam you can get relatively cheaply. That evidence would be enough warrant for a divorce. Other than that, don't let him get away with it. If you know it's happening bust in when he is in the middle of it and say what the heck are you doing, move your mums room around so if he sneaks in during the night he bumps into things, get an alarm system on her door. There are many things you can do but having proof to back your allegations is the key.

Answer 5

Sounds to this old guy like your husband is in desperate need of a professional sex therapist as this behaviour is probably not the healthiest for anyone involved with him. You are kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place as if you move you have to move your mom also. If you and your husband are both open minded enough to seek the help of a marriage or relationship counselor perhaps you can put things back on track. If you feel it is necessary then you may be wise to speak with your family doctor and inform him of your husbands behaviour and he may have more suggestions for you. Best of luck with this situation and wishing you a happy 2007.

Answer 6

Oh my God. That is really sick! And really SCARY! Are you sure he's not a serial killer or anything? That's the kind of thing they do.

Anyway, I know it's scary, but talk to a divorce lawyer as soon as possible. They do this for a living, and can tell you EXACTLY what you need to do. You should be able to kick HIM out of the house. Especially if he is exhibiting deviant behavior in the house around your family. To help your case, try to videotape him in the act. The lawyer might be able to hook you up with a surveillance camera that you can put in your Mom's room that she and he won't know about. Please do this as soon as possible. Good luck to you.

Answer 7

He's getting off on the sneakiness of it all. The idea of getting caught turns him on. This behaviour is unacceptable because it involves other people and children. He needs help. You should ask him some pointed questions without upsetting him or outright accusing him of anything. Just tell him you think you heard this and saw this and you're not sure what to do about it. The fact that you don't want to stay with him anyway is good. Use it to convince yourself to leave as soon as possible. People like this generally don't change.... even if they say they will. They just can't help these feelings and cravings. I would get out as soon as possible - even if you have to do it without an explanation.

Answer 8

First off I just want to say...hearing your story made me feel a little uncomfortable. Oh gosh I am starting to think maybe your sex drive hasn't taken a dump. I don't think it's your drive, I think it's the atmosphere you live in. What a total turn off!

I really think you need to get him to a mental health hospital. Because it sounds like he's on the verge of sexual compulsive disorder.

Is this something that you have talked about with him at all? I mean, does he know that you have to sleep with one eye opened? You really need to talk to a professional.
Good luck, and really first thing you should do. CHANGE THE LOCKS ON THE BEDROOM DOORS! think of the kids for gosh sakes.

Answer 9

Oh wow. I am sorry to hear that. Your in a bad situation. I think you should talk to your mother and get a place with her together. Your husband sounds very sick, has he been to see anyone about this? I mean masturbating near people as they sleep... thats disturbed!

If you are scared for your safety wait until he goes to work. Or if its your house change the locks, if you both own the house, ask him for a divorce!

I feel so sorry for you. Best wishes xoxo

Answer 10

He sounds like a compulsive masterbating/sex addict.
I read that usually sex addicts were often molested when they were very young and sometimes this can happen later in life, but he does need help asap. I don't think all of it is due to your lack of interest in sex. I feel it 'may' have something to do w/it, but that he was ill before you even met him actually.
He needs a therapist, but also couples therapy for the both of you would benefit.
He most likely needs sex addicts anonymous too.
No one can blame you for his condition.
That's like blaming a spouse for the other's alcoholic behavior, assuming that this is what his main problem is, sexual addiction--it really sounds like it w/all these 'signs'. But he needs professional evaluation to determine this.
Maybe there has been other things in the marriage in which turned you off sexually to him?
Plain and simple: therapy
It'll take some effort and time~definately CONFRONT him on it!!
I think "videotaping" may be humilating.....unless your suspecting other things, in which it doesn't sound like that.
I do wish you well. I bet this wasn't easy to post either.
well you took the 1st step!
Good luck to you sincerely.