How do you mend a friendship?

Question

I have a gal pal whom I've known for more than 6 yrs. The way she talks sometimes pisses me off. At first I just thought I was sensitive but I've confided in other friends and they agree that as well. But since we've been friends for so long I tolerate it. Others have advised me to tell her in order to change her. But I don't think she'll receive it well. This is weird, last nite I dreamt I actually told her and our friendship fell out. I guess it all boils down to would I still want the friendship. If this is the way she's always gonna be, putting me down at times and being nice sometimes. I reli don't think I'd like to keep the friendship.
So my question is, do I salvage what's left or just let it go? She's one of my few gal pals I keep close contact with.

Answer 1

I'm not a believer in dream interpretation, but I do believe if you dream about something that is actually going on in your life, it obviously means you're spending a lot of time thinking about it. And all those thoughts could be put to something more useful!

So, what I suggest is to first, write a letter. Not with the intention of actually sending it to her, but so you can get your thoughts out and organized. Don't apologize in the letter, just let it all out. Leave the letter alone for a day or two, and then go back and read it. You might be surprised at some underlying emotion that you hadn't noticed before. And that way, any anger is left on paper and you don't explode at your friend. I do this all the time and tell my friends to do it when they're having problems with somebody else. It's therapeutic and can really help things make more sense to you.

If you haven't mentioned it to her before, you can't entirely blame her for her actions. If she's been this way for the 6 years of your friendship, and you've never mentioned it, she obviously doesn't realize it's bothering you.

After you understand exactly what it is that's been bothering you and have an idea of how to approach her, definitely talk to her about it. If you don't, it's going to keep building up inside and someday, you'll snap, and things won't be pretty. Just explain why you aren't happy, and that you understand she may not do these things on purpose, but nonetheless, it bothers you. Most likely she hasn't even noticed anything's been wrong and apologize. If she snaps... well. She snaps! Just let her react. Don't jump down her throat. In a few days she might realize that you have a valid point and try to do better.

Either way, you've tried. Like I said, you can't blame her if you've never said anything or reacted so she'll know it's not cool. And once she knows, well, it's up to her.

I hope things work out!

Answer 2

Two things, you speak of talking about her behavior with "other friends" and they stay away from her or they don't, like to see you hurt. Then you mentioned that you want to salvage what is left, that gives me the impression that you have made a decision based on you own feelings.
Sometimes it works to think about it from a different angle, revere the roles. really think about what she is saying to you and why it hurts, then explain that fact to her. Other wise you are inviting her to continue the way she is, because you accept it.
Friends can go through many different changes within there friendship that can build for a better and stronger foundation.

Answer 3

Best pals are considerate of each other as well as honest. Why don't you turn this around? Say something to her like she might say to you and see how she reacts. Say it in the same tone. If she reacts with hurt kindly tell her THAT'S what she does and that's how it hurts. If she cares about your feelings and is really your friend she will stop. If not its time to part ways. No need to keep letting her hurt you.

Answer 4

Actually, I know this one. I have a girlfriend like this. She is a drama queen where it sounds like your friend is just rude. I will go months without talking to her. At one point we had some a bad blow up that we weren't talking. I moved away and moved back and she and I eventually talked things out and became friends again. If she's a true friend. She will see that you are the true one also. Although, its up to you to decide whether you really want the relationship or not.

Answer 5

if its in you off talk to her about it, if she can't handle it... then let it go. Its not a friendship worth keeping! The very exact thing happened to me, my friend couldn't take it and we haven't talked much since but it made me feel so relieved after I got it over with instead of keeping it in. its totally worth telling her about it if it bugs you. Good LucK!

Answer 6

Not sure this is a "fireable" offense just yet...you have a history and she didnt do anything to you specificially that you said (like sleep with your man, tell people you are a skank, etc) so I would just talk to her about how you feel...maybe if she really takes it bad its not worth being around her anymore after all

Answer 7

i do no longer likely think of it has something to do with the type you instructed her (be it email or face-to-face) because of the fact which you approached it the type you're able to have. one way did no longer paintings, so which you tried yet another approach. and every time you probably did, she appeared to sweep it off as no longer something. fact is the certainty hurts. that's why she is getting offended. it form of feels to me which you have made distinctive tries at attempting to patch issues up on your friendship, with out reciprocation on her end. according to probability there is something else occurring in her existence or maybe even interior the previous? have you ever tried chatting together with her approximately it..? If no longer, i'm kinda puzzled as to why she isn't attempting to paintings issues out between you 2. even nonetheless, now and lower back replace is stressful for human beings, and alter does take time and staying power. according to probability sufficient time has no longer surpassed for her to make this variation? according to probability she would not understand a thank you to alter or to make it up. i assume the main you're able to do now, because of the fact that she isn't chatting with you, is to easily go away it as is. you probably did your superb at attempting to repair your courting together with her - all you're able to do is wait. there's no longer plenty extra she would desire to ask of you, it is all on her very own. If she would not ever talk to you lower back, then it grew to become into superb that the friendship fell aside. no one needs to be pals with somebody who isn't prepared to alter for a chum if that variety is for the extra useful.

Answer 8

If she is a true friend, she would not treat you like that. It is ok to tell someone if they are doing something wrong as a friend. But, it isn't ok for them to continually criticize you.

Answer 9

Speak out, talk to her and if she does not understand you, well at least you tried. Good Luck..