how to get out of my marriage without hurting too many more people...?

Question

I know the reaction I will get but I am not in love with my husband.. all he does is drink on weekends and doesn't have anything to do with the kids... but when he was kicked out then he finially tells them all the time he loves them... I am very unhappy... I know right from wrong...

Answer 1

Ask yourself which hurts more people, being married to this loser or being divorced and rid of him?

There can be a lot more pain for the kids being stuck with a lousy parent.

Answer 2

Well, if you know right from wrong, why are you asking this question then? If you know right from wrong, you already know that you dont have grounds for divorce, dont you? Okay, so what does it take to make you happy lady? Really? Come on, think about it. Just what is it that you have to have to make you happy? There is a better then even chance that if you got all of those things tonight, within a year, you would have found other things to be pissed or unhappy about.

Next, while this is not a defense of him, think about this a bit. Who the devil said that he has to do what you think is right? Why does he have to satisfy your idea or what he should do? Would you be willing to put yourself in the position of having to live up to what others think you should do or living up to what they think is correct? I doubt you would do so.

You know, I get tired of people saying they know right from wrong. Maybe you do, maybe not. I bet you know what you consider right and wrong more then the actual ones. And this idea of being happy. Come on. Where is it written that you get to be happy? Maybe you are only unhappy because you made bad choices or decisions, and you are now paying the price for what you decided. That is called life. With the freedom to decide comes the responsibility to do what you said, as you should, to fulfill your commitments and so forth. He has that obligation as well. But then, maybe you both have to come to some terms of what is right and wrong, not just your opinions of them.

Did he drink when you married? Did he act about as he does now? Did you get some pretty clear signs of how he would be? Be honest with yourself. I am sure that he did show some signs. You just wanted him and said I do. Well, a clue for you. Once I do is said, you pretty much answered many of the questions, such as staying or not, etc.

Answer 3

Unfortunately, when a marriage breaks apart, people get hurt, and there is no way to avoid it. One of the things I always said when I left my husband of 20 years, is that I regret hurting so many people, my ex-husband included. And, even thought I didn't do anything wrong, and knew I couldn't live in a marriage where there was no love, constant fighting and destroyed trust, it was still the hardest decision I ever had to make in my life. My parents were so hurt, and at first very, very disappointed in me, which is probably what hurt me the most. But with time, they slowly saw that what I did was best for my family. Now my ex-husband and I are on very good terms, my children told me that they didn't like a divorced family, but it was better than the constant conflict.

Just because you and your husband divorce does not mean he has to divorce his children.

Good Luck.

Answer 4

Experience has taught me that if you're not happy now when will you be. Time can only tell and if you feel your time is running short then make a break for it because, who is the one hurting the most? You! Make yourself happy before you look up and time has passed by and you'll feel you've wasted it on him. Of course when faced with an ultimatum "we" as men sometimes wait until it's too late. I wish you the best in this situation because, I was once just like your husband and I waited way too late and lost a good wife.

Answer 5

you have to follow your heart. You aren't doing the kids any favors either. They see what's going on. If you were by yourself I bet you'd be alot happier and do more with the kids. Don't waste more time, waiting and hoping he'll change. Your kids are growing up every day. They'll be gone before you know it. We have a responsibility to give them a happy childhood. Would you want any of your kids in a similar relationship and just as unhappy as you are? Of course not, then why give them that example? Good luck

Answer 6

Your question doesn't go in to any details on what you've done so far to try and save your family. Would you be willing to die for your kids? If so, why would you not work your a$$ off to save their family? Marriage is hard work, and I don't care what people say, kids are not as resilient as you think. People use the phrases "kids bounce back" and "kids are so resilient, it'll be ok" too many times as excuses to validate destroying the family unit.

Answer 7

Have you contacted AA for suggestions regarding his drinking problem. You have done so and it continues ---get out of there. Protect yourself and the children. Get a restraining order and tell the police that you have such an order; and if you call and they do not respond your lawyer will be in touch with the court and the media immediately.

Answer 8

Don't worry about everyone's feelings, do what you have to do, file for divorce and don't look back. The longer you waste time in your marriage, the older you will get and you will let yourself go and then end up divorced and not liking yourself. Move on now. Your kids will be fine. Your family and friends, well you shouldn't be concerned about their feelings.

Do it soon and quick so that you don't chicken out or get talked out of it through guilt.

Answer 9

It is nearly impossible to get out of a marriage without some hurt.

Answer 10

Don't take him back until he agrees to go into treatment or AA meetings. By giving conditions in which you are willing to take him back, you're not setting yourself up to be the bad guy in the eyes of your friends and family. Good luck.