How can I cope with social anxiety without meds?

Question

I'm pretty introverted for the most part, but I got out of a long-term relationship a few months ago, and I'd like to start seeing new people, but I get insanely nervous just talking to guys again! Even just chatting with a guy I know over AIM is enough to make me feel anxious and nauseated.. It's not the 'talking to them' part, it's the part where they say something similiar to "we should hang out some time", and I don't want them to think I don't like them, but I don't really want to hang out with them anytime soon, even if I do like them in general.

I think I'm worried about what guys would expect from the "hanging out" part. It's weird, because I'm friends with this guy on a casual basis, and without me thinking that he wants a relationship of some kind, I don't think I'd be nervous. I guess I'm just waiting for things in my life to go back to normal, or maybe I'm making excuses for myself to avoid talking to a really nice guy, haha. Man, I suck.

Answer 1

All girls deal with that, its very common, honestly you are not being socially introverted as much as you are being really really nice, to a fault.

Tell the guy "no" not a chance, whatever. And see what he does next.....it will tell you more about who he is as a person and how he treats people. If you want to give him a chance then do it in a public place, blah blah blah.....im sure you know that but the reason im saying that is because there are other factors here so as to what is causing your behavior and feelings.

But any way dont let it trip you up you are being safe, you are being true to yourself, you are doing what you want to do. Let the anxiety fade away because you are confident in what you want.

Decide now what you want or what you will say, its your rule, you have predetermined it. So there will be no need to be anxious about that situation because you already have a default reaction. A reaction you can change when ever you want, and make a new one when you are ready....or what ever.

Nice work!

Answer 2

Give it a lot more time. I did the same thing. I am very introverted, and it took me almost 2 years to become interested in dating.

First, don't feel bad about being socially anxious or introverted.

Use this time, not feeling that you "should" be out looking for another guy, but actually evaluating what it is you DON'T want in a relationship. This one ended for a reason......you have learned something valuable in what you don't need in a relationship, and what to look for next time. This ensures that you will most likely find someone much better next time.

If you don't want to "hang out", that is great. From what you have written, you are still in the mindset of being in an established relationship, and will need to use your introvert qualities to focus more on yourself and what is best for you again.

You are obviously a person who wants quality and sincerity in your interactions, and won't stand for just "hanging out". Good move.

I did the same thing, and had nothing to do with anyone who didn't meet my standard of respectfulness to my introversion, and I married him. He was the first guy I had eyes for those 2 years after my previous relationship ended.

He is very outgoing and social, but knows that I am very introverted and respects that. These guys exist. Don't accept a new relationship if they aren't exactly what you want.

There are several introversion websites on the net. If you haven't checked them out, do so now. You won't feel so guilty about your choice to not date casually. Introverts hate outside controls anyway, so don't make yourself think about "shoulds".

You'll do great.

Answer 3

First of all Hun....you don't suck. You've been hurt and you are in a very vulnerable place in your life right now.

That's OK and it's 100% normal.

My simple advice to you would be to stop talking to guys online and instead seek out people to associate with that are laready in your circle of friends. Hanging out with your girlfriends and having some laid back laughs and fun will help you get back to YOU, and that's the most important thing you can do after a break-up.

You seem to be reacting in a "social anxiety" way when the possibility of intimacy arises in a budding relationship of any kind. That is your psyche telling you "I'M NOT READY!!!"

Instead of being afraid, just listen to your instincts and take a step back when you feel that way. g

Give yourself time to adjust and become your own person again...and when the right opportunity comes along, you will find that you won't be scared to take a step forward.

Good Luck and God Bless!

Answer 4

well you gotta put yourself out there.
Everything in life is a risk for example eating,getting into your car,
going to sleep,
turning the furnise on. You know these everyday things we take for granted but sometimes you just gotta put yourself out there
on a limb meet new people and don't be ashamed of who you are of what i hear i think your a great person.
If anybody knows this it'd be me i got out of a relationship not to long ago and i go bungee jumping and skydiving.
Because life's a risk getting into your car is no bigger a risk then
going bungee jumping. But what I'm saying is go meet new people and yes not every ones going to like you but most are(for me most don't like me they say I'm too dangerous)
But i have some really good friends and if a couple of people don't like you then they can go suck an egg! There loss.
you can do whatever you want you choose your own paths
if you get depressed its not no ones fault but your own you chose that path think about that.

Answer 5

I am so happy, it was only a 35 minute drive ( 70 minutes total) but absolutely no sign of anxiety or panic i shopped till I dropped - brilliant! I will now go for the next stage DUAL CARRIAGE way, probably at the weekend, with my husband accompanying me first then the solo drive, if successful the final stage of driving on motorway

Beat Anxiety And Panic Attacks Naturally?

Answer 6

nah.. you don't suck. it happens. maybe you're just not yet that adjusted after your breakup.

give yourself a bit more time to get your bearings back. don't concentrate too much on a future romance. just try to enjoy other people's company without expecting anything. pamper yourself a bit. go to a salon or spa. spend more time fixing your hair or doing your makeup. look good on the outside.. feel better on the inside :) perhaps when you see your small triumphs, you're going to boost your self confidence and not be too focused on the "what ifs" of meeting up with other guys :)

good luck!

Answer 7

First of all, be nice to yourself. It's okay to have emotions. It's great that you recognize them. That is the first thing to do to be able to help a problem.

Have you thought that some of your anxiety may be because you are putting yourself in a situation that may be dangerous with meeting someone that you may "truly" not know.

Also, I know that putting yourself in a slightly more uncomfortable situation each day may relieve your stress if each situation is a calming situation.

Answer 8

Just remember that you ARE better than everyone out there. That is fundamental.

To avoid looking desperate and trying to hard, simply expand your group of friends a little at a time.

Unless you are runnning for Congress there is no need for you to go out there and starting saying "hi" to everyone you meet.

Just chill.

Answer 9

Stop looking for romance..Get a life..Do the things YOU enjoy doing.Get a makeover. Exercise. Join the gym. Get your mind off of romance.."Hanging out" is for losers-get busy doing something constructive. Take a class.

Answer 10

It isn't social anxiety, it's the fact that your heart still needs to mend. Give yourself time and don't rush things. Love will come to you I'm sure, but not until you are ready for it.