I have been dating this guy for five years but never told my parents because I knew they would disapprove. Yesterday I finally told them because now I am living on my own and financially independent and I am old enough to do what I want. I am indian he is black. I told my parents that we just started dating.
My mom was a little disapproving but my dad yelled at me and said I should forget about him and my home. I can't break up with my boyfriend but I cant go back to lying to my parents. What should i do?
I feel like I have no choice but to hold my stance and let my dad stay mad at me. I know my relatives will try and convince me and I have no answer when they say "since you just started dating, whats the big difference in calling it off?"
What would you do?
2007-01-03 14:26:10 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
i would. I had this problem my dad told me to dump my bf or i was disowned. I told my father that i was not going to change what i belive in for him that if I had to choose between my morals and our realtionship he would not be happy of the answer. We didnt really talk for about 4 or 5 months but eventually he came around cause regaurdless i was his daughter. He even grew to love the guy like his own kid. My ex was orphaned at 12. Long after me and my ex broke up my father and him maintianed a strong bond. My dad was a horrible racist before this. Its funny what a fathers love for a daughter can do. Stand your ground give it time!! he will come around. but if you scarfice this for your father hes gonna demand it the rest of your life. somethign to think bout!
2007-01-03 14:31:15 · answer #1 · answered by fine_ass_fatty21 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell your parents if they truly love you and want you to be happy, they should let you stay together.
I would say judging someone just because he is black is really immature. If such mentality exists in the entire clan(family and relatives) it will be pretty hard to go on without facing immense pressure from all sides.
Ultimately, it's your life. You have to make a choice being your future (rest of your life) and the resentment being enamated out by your parents(which may be temporal if they see how happy your guy makes you).
Btw isnt the generation where parents decide their children's spouse long over?
2007-01-03 14:32:58 · answer #2 · answered by bronson 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i know what you mean elise, and believe me , its not only your mum that is like this , a lot of parents actually are like that ; it is because they have grown up in a different way than us ; even though there is only about 20/30 years difference between us and our parents there is still a big difference in our mentality , they have been brought up not in a multi cultural community like us, they are less understanding on the races mixing together , but i am pretty sure you can convince your mum that your boyfriend is not a bad guy it will just take some time , im sure she will come around if she meets him and see's that his not bad at all, it will be hard seeing your mum does not allow him into the house ; but why don't you sit down with your mum and have a talk with her first of all ? im sure that will help , make a stronger bond between you an your mother. :)
2016-05-23 01:18:55 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can not live your life for others. Well you could, but then it isn't really yours is it? Your father will come around. It may take some time, but if he loves you as much as you apparently love him...his love for you will supersede all obstacles.
You should let go of your feelings to justify or vindicate your relationships with your relatives. Who are they, or anyone for that matter, to ask you to "just call it off?"
---To thine ownself be always true! And never....ever....ever let go of a chance, no matter how small, to find happiness. In the end, the only person that you will always be with.... all the time...is YOU! -----So, the question to you....is for you to answer....."What are YOU going to be most comfortable with.....knowing that your father (who has a life partner by the way) and that your relatives (who most probably have their own skeletons in the closet) are just as pleased as punch with you? -OR- AND THIS IS A BIG OR - are you going to more comfortable with yourself if you feel like you have willingly let the possible love of your life go?
Do you see how really simple it is? You sound as though you truly love your father, otherwise why would you care. I am sure that he truly loves you too, and I am certain that he will come around.
Tell your father that you love him. Tell him that your respect him. Tell him that you want him in your life always. Tell him that you are sorry if you hurt him. Then tell him that you know that he loves you. Remind him of the gifts he must have given you for your birthday(s) or Christmas. Remind him that he once gave you things to make you happy. Then tell him you know that in his heart he would never do anything to hurt you, nor would he ever intentionally withhold happiness from you.
If he truly loves you, and I am sure he does, he will find happiness in your happiness and joy in your joy.
2007-01-03 16:36:16 · answer #4 · answered by YouAsked 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am in a inter-racial relationship myself. I am black ,she's white. When we got together we were color blind and we still have problems with our families accepting that we are going to be together whether they agree or not but, it has put a very bad strain on our relationship and has caused us to break up several times. Whenever we are together she lies to her parents and tell them she is somewhere else but, it's not because of my race it's because we stay into it and she tells them things about me and I do the same to her. I tell her to be honest with them on everything but she lives with them. Your situation is a little different. You have your own place! Do they pay your bills? Trust me they will get over it when you stop coming around because of their "stupidity" and ignorance. This is 2007! I think you should tell them the whole truth and let the chips fall where they may. If they love you they need to accept that you are happy no matter what color the guy is because, your happiness is all that matters.
2007-01-03 16:13:54 · answer #5 · answered by saturn man 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell the truth...........the whole truth.
If you truly love this guy, go back to your Dad and tell him how long you have been dating this guy and that you really love him. Tell your Dad you love him too, and you don't want to exclude him from your life. Ask him to give your boyfriend a chance by meeting him and getting to know him before judging him. Then be patient and give your Dad time...............in his eyes you are still his "little girl".
Since you are an adult now, it really is your decision, though. Be strong, and do the right thing for yourself, your boyfriend, and your Dad. Telling the truth is always the right thing.
Best wishes to you. :)
2007-01-03 14:47:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell the truth always.
And make your own choices. You're an adult now. It is your life.
I would let them know he has been in your life a long time. Maybe write them a long letter. The point is if he treats you well and with respect. Not the color of his skin.
If he is the man you will have children with , then stand your ground. If he is not, then let him go. It's not worth the trouble it will cause.
2007-01-03 14:31:26 · answer #7 · answered by ML 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For starters you just told your family about your black boyfriend but you weren't totally honest with them either.
You didn't tell them that you've been together for 5yrs. If you love your boyfriend then follow your heart.
If you love being controlled as an adult then dump your boyfriend and be unhappy but you will have your parent's love.
It's really sad that your parents are so color blind. We can't tell you what you should do. Only you know what you want. Sometimes we can't have it both ways.
2007-01-03 14:46:16 · answer #8 · answered by NyteWing 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well i would sit down and tell your parents the truth that you to have been together for a long time and unfortutly they cannot controll you any more they will have to accept your decisions or they will have to be mad and realize if they want you in there life they have to accept all the points not the ones they like...
2007-01-03 14:30:17 · answer #9 · answered by Beth m 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your father will always be your father . your boyfriend maybe there forever but maybe not. Meanwhile your dad is still your dad. You need to determine if a boyfriend is worth making your dad mad. It has already caused you to lie to your father. Start with asking forgiveness for lying then try talking to him about it and you need to be reasonable with him he is your dad. Good luck.
2007-01-03 14:38:16 · answer #10 · answered by pigpen 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋