I've been seeing this guy who I now call my boyfriend for almost a year now. He's very nice to me but there is a lot of issues that make me feel that I maybe should let the relationship go. First off he's a christian man. Not really active in church but he follows the bible. I'm a Muslim woman. That's one of the biggest issues there. Also, I don't have any kids and he has 3. I want some but he had a vasectomy. He said if we ever got married he would get it reversed, but the longer you wait to get it reversed the lesser your chances are to successfully produce. He is also, 12 years older than I am. I just don't know if I am waisting my time with him. He's very nice to me and treats me with respect. Should I leave or stay.
2007-01-03 14:24:17 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Relationships with older men can be difficult, well, at least that's what my wife tells me. I have two older daughters (who aren't that much younger than my wife) who treat my wife badly. I think if the ages weren't so close that they would act better toward her. Anyway, if you're not comfortable then stop seeing him or wean him off of you
2007-01-03 14:26:52 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well for one, don't expect kids from this man. They have a vasectomy for a reason, namely, they don't want kids. And the religion bit is going to be too big to get by, as I know Muslim beliefs are very strict, and you're a woman so his religion will prevail over yours, and I'm sure your family probably is against the entire thing to begin with. Find someone of your own race and religion, if you were the guy I'd say go for it, but as a woman, you're not going to be heard so why yell your head off for no reason at all? He won't change, you'll have to. Ask yourself if your willing to give up everything you believe so you can tell him he's right about everything to make him feel like a man.
2007-01-03 14:37:39 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Religion should not be an issue in this relationship. But his age may be of concern as you may be a young widow (as odds are that he will pass on before you). Whether of not he gets his vasectomy reversed he will be an old man by the time the kids are in school and not able to participate in activities with them, and a lot of their friends will view him as your childs granddad rather than father. Your instincts should be trusted and if they tell you it is wrong go with that feeling rather than following the advice of a bunch of strangers. But if your instincts say that you could be happy with this fella then that is the path to follow. Also be aware that he has 3 children from a previous marriage and/or relationship and you would have to accept the responsibility of being a stepmom to these children. Best of luck in making this important decision and have trust in yourself and your instincts. All the best for 2007.
2007-01-03 14:33:01 · answer #3 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you need to think hard about how importnant these issues are to you. If you know you want children choosing a much older man who has a vasectomy seems a poor choice. Even with the vasectomy reversed the chances are low. Are you willing to maybe NEVER EVER EVER have your own child to be with him. If you are Muslim can you be with a man who's not? what chruch would any possible children be raised in? are you willing to have a christian husband christian inlaws christian children? it seems to me these are huge life choices.
2007-01-03 14:32:50 · answer #4 · answered by ally'smom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is nice to you and treats you with respects. loves you and never makes you that he feels otherwise. hmmm and you think you might wanna leave. religion kids sure do not match. but would u think if these two did match all would be well. religon is easy if u can talk about it without ending up in a fight there is no issue of religon either. take the best out of both and enjoy. the only thing you got to decide upon is are you gonna keep all these or take a chance of having kids. which something you would have to decide upon on how much you want to have kids of your own. try to find out why you want kids in the first place too and why his kids wouldnt fit in to your dream
2007-01-03 14:49:05 · answer #5 · answered by sowhatlk 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is nice to you and treats you good but you don't want him because he is christian and not muslim?
thats the only problem i see because the vasectomy can be reversed and age has no meaning
so all you really care about is his religion and the way he treats you?
very well, go find a muslim man that will treat you bad and you should be happy then, what else can i tell you
2007-01-03 14:41:05 · answer #6 · answered by zether 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well.... I don´t know your age, but 12 years difference is a lot.
The religion issue brings problems into a house where there are differences at that point. About his children, do you want to have your own ones? I´m sure there´s little probability for him to give you at least one child. With all of these points, i´ll say that you should leave him. Are you sure you are happy with that relationship? I know he´s nice and treats you the right way, but are you sure that´s what you need to be happy? You have to think of your happiness, you are the one who deserves to be happy! I hope i helped you a little.
2007-01-03 14:35:34 · answer #7 · answered by carolinefec 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
in the first place, knowing each other back groud would not satisfy you or keep you happy in the long run, you should NOT have entered in to any sort of relationship with this man at all. its not fair! as for my understanding - its better to leave him and let both of you find suitable partners that will eventually fulfil your emotional and physical needs
2007-01-03 14:37:44 · answer #8 · answered by CHAMaya 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move on. The fact that you are asking yourself these questions tells me you are an intelligent woman who is connected to herself. You know you need to move on. It is just hard too. I suggest you talk to him as intelligently as you have talked to us in your question.
If he were the right one for you, you wouldn't have these questions.
If you stay with him and try to make it work, it will eventually end in divorce down the road and you will be older and it will be harder to date and find someone.
Move on now. Let it hurt now rather than later.
2007-01-03 14:31:05 · answer #9 · answered by MW 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he does have alot of really good qualities any woman would be seeking, but if the religious issues and children mean that much to u than u should leave, as u will only grow to resent him later on, especially if he can't have kids.
2007-01-04 00:57:13 · answer #10 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋