As some of you may already know I have spent more than $65,000 this year supporting my older children. Well, we really don't have that kind of money to be throwing it around like I have, but becuase I was such a terrible father when they were younger I thought I could buy my way out of it and help them in the process. I screwed up. I should have used our money to pay our bills and told the girls how to help themselves. Oh, I think it would have been okay to buy them their vehicles, but it's all the extras that have ticked my wife off. Some of the money spent was hers. I guess that was really wrong of me. Anyway, she said I had to stop supporting them (I've bought cars, paid insuranc, buy their gas, pay their house bills, etc.) or I have to leave. She said she will not be broke so that my older daughters can party for the rest of their lives. Neither of the girls work. We have some bills that we can't pay now and our daughter needs stuff that we can't buy. What now?
2007-01-03 14:22:58 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your girls need to get offof their sorry behinds and get a job. As for your wife I don't blame her at all.
2007-01-03 20:30:43 · answer #1 · answered by Phatbum!!! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your girls are adults then your wife is your priority,
You say neither of the girls work so I take it they are
adults and if that is the case your wife is still your priority
but you still can contribute to your daughters but moder-
ately so it does not intefer with you taking the responsi-
bility to support your wife and payment of bills since you
have a home. If your daughters need stuff as you say
then tell them to look for a job after all that is the normal
thing to do when a child grows up and becomes an adult.
You make the decision your wife or your grown
daughters, but I will say one thing your wife will make you
a lot happier than your daughters will.
2007-01-03 22:58:40 · answer #2 · answered by RudiA 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u have not been fair to your wife, and why should she have to suffer because of your adult children? perhaps the girls need to get a job, and work just like everyone else does. if they can't work than why should they live a good lifestyle on your money, believe me u are doing them a great disservice by meeting their needs, and not expecting them to put forth any effort. she should make u leave, u are hurting her, showing u that she doesn't matter but that the lazy daughters do. no it was not OK to even buy them their vehicles. the more u do for these lazy girls, the more they will get the idea that life will be easy and they won't have to put forth any effort at all in life. wrong.... they are just freeloaders, who will take and take, and they won't be there for u like your wife will.
2007-01-04 09:04:42 · answer #3 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be a Man, and tell your daughters get a job, and start paying you guys back, and pay rent, and stop paying for all of their habbits!
So what if your daughters can't party, and are they worth losing your wife over? I think not, your daugters played you as a fool, and your wife sees that you are only used for money only, and your wife does not want you to be used, or even her. How about supporting your wife, and just sit back on how much really your daughter still care about you, when you ask them for things and they don't come through, because, you are not the bank no more!
2007-01-03 22:34:47 · answer #4 · answered by ourjacobdavid 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Now you allow your children to grow up and learn about the real world, you focus on your marriage and making things right with the woman that you love, and you never try to buy your way out of guilt, or someones affection and forgiveness ever again!
Right now you are teaching your children how to manipulate people to get what they want. You paying for things out of guilt does not go past their pretty little heads, and they know how to turn up the heat in order to get what they want out of you I am sure.
It is great that you want to help out your children and that you can see the mistakes that you have made in the past, but there is no quick or easy fix, by trying to buy your way out of one mess, you have made an even bigger one. It is time to let your kids know that you cannot afford to continue spoiling them, let them get jobs and learn what the real world is like. You cannot go on supporting them forever, and if you don't stop now you won't have a choice in a few months as you won't have money to pay for ANYONE, as well as not having a shoulder to cry on because she will most likely be gone.
Have a heart to heart with your wife, have a heart to heart with your daughters, and start budgeting your money responsibly so you don't end up losing everything that you have. You cannot change the past, but you can be a great person, father, friend, and role model today!
2007-01-03 22:31:50 · answer #5 · answered by Julie c 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The answer is rather obvious. Your older daughters are not learning any responsibility and you are doing them a disservice. Your wife is absolutely right! Get your finances in order, bills paid, let the daughters fend for themselves. Perhaps take the wife on a vacation when finances allow it to show her how much you appreciate her understanding and forgiveness.
2007-01-03 22:29:28 · answer #6 · answered by shannon d 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
What do you mean what now??? She gave you a choice, so make it. I guess you can go live with one of your daughters. Then you can babysit while they party, as well as support them. What is your problem buddy? You know what you have to do if you want to stay married. So do it. Of course if you'd rather have your daughters use you for the rest of your life, I guess that's up to you. Hey, I wonder what nursing home they'll put you in when you're no good to them anymore.
2007-01-03 22:41:05 · answer #7 · answered by mjm52 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Parenting out of guilt is always a mistake. You are enabling your daughters to be irresponible and they will lose respect for you. Stop supporting them so they can learn how to take care of themselves. They will gripe at first but thank you later when they learn to be repsonsible. You will also save your marriage. Your children need a Daddy not a Sugar Daddy.
2007-01-03 22:37:11 · answer #8 · answered by mjohnson1422 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Listen to your wife! Your girls are old enough now that they can support themselves. They need to grow up and join the real world, and realize that they can't freeload off of Daddy's money their whole lives. You're not helping them by enabling them to be lazy!
It's going to be hard to tell them, but you need to do it. Now. Not one more cent -- your money is needed elsewhere. You can buy them reasonable presents on holidays, but it's time for you to stop financing their every desire.
2007-01-03 22:28:26 · answer #9 · answered by kittenpie 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I agree with your wife. You can`t buy your girls love, you are only trying to make your self feel better. The best thing you can do for your girls is let them grow up and support themselves. The only thing they are doing now is using you because they know you feel guilty. Give them nothing and Welcome Them To The Real World (work, bills, taxes, reality). KUDOS TO YOUR WIFE. HOPE YOU WISE UP. GOOD LUCK
2007-01-03 22:35:16 · answer #10 · answered by mammafran77 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well you don't have to make up from being a poor father with money but instead of letting them know your there for them and you love them. I can't blame your wife for being upset since your spending money on them you don't' really have to spend. I mean if your daughters are old enough to have their own place they are old enough to work to pay for their own bills. ;o)
2007-01-03 22:29:14 · answer #11 · answered by ? 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋