[[[[{{{{Hang
u say things of hate
and anger
u walk in and out
Like a starnger
u whisper to me
"kill one's self"
you leave me to
sit on the shelve
you close the box
and take away the light
i tell you "i promise
i'll make it all right"
you both attack me
and you both kill
i try to take
the little pill
something stoped me
i dont know why
but once seconded
i wanted to die
and in another
i was okay
free from all
you said today.
it's still locked
in my mind.
but the past
is far behind.
why do u hate me?
why do i cry?
why so badly do i
want to die?
i try to cover
it all up
but u cant
drink blood
from the cup
our lord and christ
is our "savior"
but all we follow
is misbehvaior
he tells u to
leave our house
but u hide
like a mouse
you dont stand up
you dont fight back
you just let him
come an attack
im me to c it all.lol.
2007-01-03 14:14:55 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
ewwwwwww bravoooooo , its pretty good
10 from 10
2007-01-03 14:19:19 · answer #1 · answered by micho 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it's kinda long. It has heart but your trying too hard to rhyme. Instead of trying to rhyme just let it flow. It's also a bit of a clique. Try taking what you want to say, and wording it in a whole different way. A way that no one else would word it. Like instead of saying "You say things of hate" you can say "Words of hatred spew over your spiteful lips" It says the same thing but with more emotion and action.
At the line of "but u cant/drink blood/from the cup/our lord and christ" you kinda lose me. Keep you flow and make sure the reader understands what you trying to say
Try using some of these literal devices
- imagery: The use of vivid or figurative language to represent objects, actions, or ideas
- metaphors: An implied comparison of two things
- similes: An explicit comparison between two things
- alliteration: A series of words that begin with the same letter or sound alike
- anthropomorphism: applying human qualities to inanimate objects, animals, or natural phenomena
- oxymorons: Using two terms together, that normally contradict each other
2007-01-03 14:49:17 · answer #2 · answered by Abiku 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
in demand foodstuff? - Fries <3 in demand colour? - Blue in demand style of icecream? - strawberry in demand tpye of cookie? - chocolate chip in demand drink? - water in demand animal? - Fish in demand letter? - S in demand huge type? - 2 do you have a pool? - No do you have a puppy? - No what style? - i dont have a puppy whats his/her call? - no puppy what colour is your room? - yellow whats your initials? - SB is that this boring? - Kinda do you like oreos? - luv em whats your in demand style of snack? - chocolate :p whats your in demand fruit? - bananass vegetable? - carrots do you take excitement in ingesting pasta? - yup what's your in demand sport? - swimming did you graduate intense college? - No if so, what 12 months? i will graduate 2010 supply me a link to something you like: mm won't be able to think of of one Why would desire to i %. you as suited answer? because of the fact i'm sexy
2016-10-29 22:52:27 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Woah, you got off beat, sorry but I give it a 6.
2007-01-03 14:18:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anthony 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I haveb't read it I have no idea!! Oh heres a tip toooo long!!!!
2007-01-03 14:19:18 · answer #5 · answered by KrystalKlear 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It isn't the best i have read
2007-01-03 14:16:54 · answer #6 · answered by bob sat 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
honestly, not really. your heart is in it though so props for that.
2007-01-03 14:20:35 · answer #7 · answered by ♥perishedmemories♥ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
COOL
2007-01-03 14:17:52 · answer #8 · answered by amberharris20022000 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋