Me and my fiance have been together 4 years and will be married in 6 months. I have been ready for a baby for 2-3 yrs and he knows that. I told him I would wait for a decent amount of time and be fair, we both have to be ready, right. I just found out that my cousin is pregnant..I cant help it..the jealousy and envy are uncontrolable..she has what I have been dying to have.
I am now taking the anger out on my fiance and re-evaluating the whole relationship because when I told him why I was so sad after I heard about her, he immediatly was on the defense about NOW not wanting any kids for 4 more years. You know I have been so up front with him about how much I want to start a family. I know I shouldnt take my anger out on him but he has known what I want all along. How can I control this anger?
2007-01-03 13:48:03 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
this is part of the reason people go through premarital counseling before marriage..you air out a lot and discover more than you thought you knew...
you need to talk to him with listening ears...and he do the same...take a time out first, don't discuss this when you are mad...makes matters worse. calm down first.
2007-01-03 13:57:54 · answer #1 · answered by Khandi 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Now I think he might be jealous too but not ready. Cus since he said 4 more yrs added means somebody in the family will get the attention for now and when u two have one then the attention will be on you guys. You know how guys are, they like attention. Me and my husband been together for 6, on and off the first 2. We have a 6 yr old son and I'm 24, too. I really want another child, this time a girl. But we always say if it happens it happens cus that means we were meant to have it. Especially if u are married, I say when people are married that means children come along, (if u want children). Not be married and have no kids unless that's ur plan. If ur not ready to have kids ur not ready to marry. It's simple cus marriage is a committment between two people and raising a child means, together, it don't have to wait either. Might as well wait to get married.
But it is better to be ready together because u'll end up doing all the baby stuff, but if he really loves you, once he sees the baby or while u are pregnant, he's gonna love and want to take care of it. Nowadays, people consider a lot of things when it comes to children, finance first, career, then mentally u should be ready. Good luck!!!
2007-01-03 14:08:34 · answer #2 · answered by abc d 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one is keeping score. You shouldn't be in a race. Why do you feel so obsessed about having a baby?
A baby needs TWO welcoming parents who are in love with each other. Not agitated or angry with each other.
You should be very happy for your cousin. You should be thrilled that you can get the latest information in advance from your cousin before you take the step.
Your demands of your fiance seem unreasonable. First you should take your energy to go through with the wedding without additional stress. That takes planning and special financial considerations. Then you set up your joint household if you haven't already. Begin planning and budgeting your time, money and resources on how you will raise a family. Go through the honeymoon period where you REALLY focus on your partner and find out exactly how you will nurture and expand your feelings for each other.
Once all those things are done will you have created the proper nest for your baby. Any sooner and it will be a rocky state of affairs.
Good Luck. Slow down. You still have time!
C-F
2007-01-03 14:08:35 · answer #3 · answered by Crispy_Frog 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Carey,
IF it's really your maternal instincts...stop focusing on getting pregnaunt and start focusing on getting prepared. I mean that emotionally, financially, spiritually, etc.... When a baby comes into your life, your life is changed forever. Preparation on your part will help make that transition easier. Making decisions on what kind of a mother & parent you'd like to be should be considered. How many children do you want? How are you going to raise them? Does the fiance agree with your view points? Things need to be talked about....should be.
My question is: WHY does he want to wait another 4 years? Is it a really good reason or is he stalling for time..... AND if you did wait, is he going to want another 4 years then? I wouldn't let it rock on for 4 more years....
Look, a lot of women get pregnaunt at the drop of a hat. THen there are the women who end of having some difficulty. Until the time comes, you really don't know which one you will be. I would not waste a lot of time and then find out there's some kind of problem ahead.... Know what I mean?
I don't know.... IMHO, if the man truly loves you....Then he'd fall in love with the idea of you having his baby. I think he's just scared of the responsibility---as most men are. He needs to suck it up and be a man! And if it's that important to YOU, let him know it--if you want me, then we're having some kids darn it!
Wish you the best of luck!
2007-01-03 14:12:21 · answer #4 · answered by Brenda 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Slow down and think with your Beautiful Mind and not your Beautiful heart.
Why in God's Name are you in such a hurry to have a child, maybe you haven't looked around this world yet,
This world of ours is heading down the pipe right into the very Bowels of Hell.
Why in God';s Name would you or anyone else is this world even want to bring a child into this cesspool that is so fill with it's filth and lies, and all of our Governments corruption day after day they steal more and more from us working people, and it's hard to make anything to work to-day because all things are so up side down.
My Advice is please get of your man back and just take care of one another,
and back off from your childish demands and take a minute hold onto one another,
Because that's what really matters,
Not some screaming kid, always and always demanding your undivided time.
Slow down and in joy each other and forget about the Kids.
Candyman
2007-01-03 14:10:14 · answer #5 · answered by candyman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should wait. In most cases,women want babies,but don't truly realize that its more then what they bargained for. You are still young,and you can wait four more years. You should evaluate why you are so bent out of shape on starting a family so early. When your young,you don't want to have kds so soon,because you really don't know what life truly is. Don't ruin the relationship before you get married,because he'll start believing you just want a baby,and it could be seen as a way to trap him.
Find books on cravings on having children and invest in a counselor not only for your desires to have a baby,but for your soon to be marriage.
2007-01-03 13:57:22 · answer #6 · answered by Ellie 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
not a good way to start a marriage. he needs to be ready too. be patient 28 is not too old to start your family. Just because a cousin is having baby it does not mean it is the right time for you. Sorry to say this but you seem a bit too immature to be starting a family if this is causing you to be jealous. You should be happy for her.
2007-01-03 14:04:39 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try talking with him. Don't compromise cause seriously, it's a kid. There shouldn't have to be compromise. Find out why he doesn't want to have kids now, and how things will be better in 4 years. Try marriage counseling if you guys need a mediator.
2007-01-03 14:06:32 · answer #8 · answered by bunny 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If either of you are not ready, don't do it. Kids bring on a lot of stress, no matter how cute they are. You need a solid relationship where both of you are ready and committed to put up with the situation.
2007-01-03 14:03:43 · answer #9 · answered by P K 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Children are a full time responsibility, and the planning of which should not be taken lightly. Life as you know it, will change for the next 18-21 years. Have you really given this your most serious consideration.
2007-01-03 13:58:00 · answer #10 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋