I'm going crazy! I need advice, please?

Question

My hubby had an affair and we are trying to work it out. He is doing and saying everything right to ease my mind, show remorse bla bla bla. I am still dearly in love with him and want to forgive him and believe that he is sincere but i cant get the images out of my head of him being with another woman, they torment my every waking moment. There was a reason for the affair and he has pointed it out to me. Things were rocky at home with us. Fighting all the time, lack of sex, we were growing apart, he was unhappy. Since the affair, things have been wonderful. We are both trying really hard to make us better than we ever were. We dont fight, we are much more intimate and affectionate towards each other. I'm just afraid that i will never get past the images and the betrayel and eventually walk out. Is there hope after an affair? Do the images and feelings of betrayel ever go away, does the trust ever come back? Any advice will be appreciated. Thank you

Answer 1

The honest answer here is....ONLY if you want them to. You have got to forgive, and forget, if this is ever going to work. I don't mean "lip service" either. You have got to forgive and forget, from the bottom of your heart. Can you do that? If the answer is NO, then, it will NEVER work! I would NEVER be able to, but then I can't speak for you.......Good Luck!!

Answer 2

I'm so sorry this happened to you.. No one should ever have to face what you're facing. I have never been betrayed by my husband, but I was once betrayed by a boyfriend of five years. The pain was indescribable, probably similar to what you're going through, and it did fade away in time. If you want to know how I dealt with it, I took my pain to God. He's there you know. He's ready and waiting to heal. You may have already heard Him calling. I don't know if you're the praying kind but if you are, I would suggest shutting yourself away somewhere for about 15 minutes and let out all of your frustrations and concerns. Just tell God what's going on and ask Him for strength and wisdom to handle this burden. If you trust Him, He won't disappoint you, and just the act of unloading what's on your mind might make you feel better. I don't know if you're religious.. Whether you are or not, this is the best advice I can give. It's your decision what to do with it. I will pray for you and wish you all the best in your future, you and your husband. Bless you both.

Answer 3

That is the one thing that is going to stay with you for awhile. The key is that as long as the two of you are willing to talk about the affair and work through it, then you will get through it. It already sounds as if you are on the road to recovery, but it does take time for the images to go away. Just keep communicating is probably the best thing I can suggest, don't hide it when it comes to mind!! Good Luck!!

Answer 4

If you can feel his sincerity then u could try to patch up. Trust will eventually be back but will take some time and may not be in full. The images and feelings of betrayal will slowly fade away but it depend on indiviual. It may so called go away after some time but this u have to depend on yourself. I had been in yr situation so i can understand yr feelings. Since u know what happened that he said lead to his betrayal then both of u must sit down to talk about it and work on it. All the best,

Answer 5

Therapy and lots of it, there are many help lines out there. I found out on new years that my husband was involved in an emotional affair. I called a support line that my work provides and although its going to take a long time for the pain to go away and for trust to return I know I couldnt do it without the help of an uninvolved party.

Answer 6

You can forgive( but not forget) the betrayal. It will always be there. BUT you can work it out. If you love him then you are going to have to trust him. It will be a long process and talking with him will help alot. The images will drive you nuts so you have to work through that. Is there someone you can talk to besides him? A priest, a rabbi, someone from your church, or a councelor? You need to talk to get past this. Good luck.

Answer 7

I have been there and done that. I have been on both sides of the spectrum. After my husband cheated on me , I couldn't imagine doing it to him. And it was never planned. It just happened. Several years later. And looking back on everything we've been through, I would say it definately made us both stronger. It's really hard. I was pregnant when he cheated and he was always gone, when I cheated. I still can not believe it happened. But I wouldn't change my relationship with my husband or anything in it. Because it is true what they say...what doesn't kill ya makes ya stronger. good luck

Answer 8

If he is blaming his affair on you, then you should kick his *** out. But he should admit there is absolutely no reason to have an affair, even if he was getting zilch at home. Don't let him guilt you into forgiving him or it'll burn you up later. If you want to work it out, and you honestly want to forgive him, I'd suggest counseling (either couples or alone). I don't want you to miss out on something great with your husband, but I don't want him making himself the victim instead of you!

Answer 9

it doesn't sound like you are ready to forgive and certainly not to forget. give yourself a little time to work on the issues you have. i understand wanting to forgive him. the reasons that you mention did not give him the green light to cheat should have tried to talk it out. marriage is a bond in good times and bad he broke that bond. you need to learn to trust again not only with your head but with your heart too. GOOD LUCK

Answer 10

This is something you really need to think about. When I found out that my husband had cheated on me for the first time he swore never to do it again. Everything was going good for us. Until recently I found out that the had cheated two other times. Now I'm divorcing him and his begging me back.