I think my cousin & his roommate are partners he won't say, do I ask or is that violating his privacy?

Question

My cousin & I are really close or at least that is what I thought. I think that he is gay but is afraid to say. I have never gave him the impression that he would not be accepted. Some of the other family members might not, but he knows that me & my mom do not feel the same as others. His friends are all open but he acts like he is not. I have another cousins that is gay & he acts like he can't stand him. Some of the hints: they have a one bedroom apartment & they sleep in the same room, they both wear matching silver bands on there fingers, he is always talking about him-never about women anymore. I just don't know if it is my place to say anything or not.

Answer 1

Its about fear.

Alot of time people are afraid if ONE family member finds out, its like a Domino effect, there goes another and another, you get the idea. So, while I'm sure he's dying to tell you, its hard to let someone in on something that "has to be private." Just assuring him his secret will be safe is "good for you," but he has to live his life 24/7 as a gay man! You and your mom sound like great people, really! But what about his mom and family? Does he have reason to be paranoid?

Try to put yourself in his shoes for a bit and then ask yourself, if I spent that much time hiding something how would it be for someone to invite themselves in to my secret?

Now, on the other side of the coin. Saying YOU CAN keep a secret, why not send a gift on the next major holiday to "your cousins name, and partner." If that doesn't get you a phone call, nothing will, especially if your WRONG, lol.

Answer 2

If you and he are very close, then particularly if you are male -- even if you've never said anything, he may be terrified to tell you or let you think it. He may theorize that you will turn on him, hate him, that he will lose your love.

I've been out since I was 14, I've been with Jonathan for 15 years, but, several years ago when we were at GenCon in Milwaukee we met a wonderful family who owned a little restaraunt in the mall. Their son was 13 at the time, and he loved all the fantasy people and had seen a staff he really thought was awesome in the dealer area, so I went to the dealer area, bought it, and gave it to him. The family wanted to pay me, and I insisted that I would only take orange money (that is now a standing joke with all of us, when we do things for each other). We became friends with the family and have become very close over the years. They are sweet and wonderful and kind and loving - and for the first time in over 20 years, I HAVEN'T told someone that I was close to. I have not told the son (who is now grown up) whose name is Habib, that I'm gay. The family knows, they treat us as a couple -- so its clear, and it does not concern them -- but Habib I don't say anything to, because I'm not sure he knows, and while I don't think he is bigot, and while I only see him once a year or so, he is so sweet and good, I can't think of anyone I would rather have for a son if I were raising one now-- and I'm just too afraid that he doesn't know, and that he will reject me if I say it. So I don't tell him.

Be gentle with your cousin. He may be terrified. Do you have any gay friends? If you do mention them. Or, when the subject of your other out-gay cousin comes up say something like "I like gay people, I don't have any problem with them at all, I think its dumb to dislike them" -- thus giving him knowledge that you won't reject him, without having to say "are you gay? its ok if you are."

At least, that's my suggestion.

Kindest thoughts,

Reyn
[e-mail]

Answer 3

I think I might ask him if he's NOT gay. And if NOT what's going on exactly? Because it's odd and like there's a big elephant in the room that nobody's talking about because they're afraid of this or that, or whatever. I can understand how someone like that would rub an openly gay person, his other cousin, the wrong way...

Answer 4

I see nothing wrong with asking him. Just keep in mind that he may not even care to discuss it. Don't be insulted if he doesn't care to open up. Consider that he might fear that you will discuss his personal life with other members of the family. Everybody knew my brother was gay but he would not discuss it until after my Mom died. So for 40 years everybody in the family just played along and acted as though they didn't know.

Answer 5

i could experience mildly violated. i could if i grew to become into him aswell. chatting with an nameless team of folk online approximately somebody is stupid, in case you had a undertaking with the gentleman in question, you're able to confront him head to head, no longer ask random human beings for help. i understand, i understand, that grew to become into an extremely assholish factor for me to assert lol, yet i understand if I knew human beings have been asking questions approximately me, and soliciting for advice on a thank you to "deal" with me, then i could be particularly annoyed to.

Answer 6

If you are as close as you say you are, then when he is ready he will tell you. Give him space and let him come to you. If it doesn't really matter either way to you, then there should be no hurry in his coming out of the closet if that is the case.

Answer 7

i think it's pretty obvious,but if you are close enough you could probably ask him about it and it would be okay. on the other hand, if you're not really that close maybe you shouldn't. it really depends on his personality. some people get really weird about being asked about their personal life.

Answer 8

hy hons gay boyfriends daviie and stevie hons gay porno stars and nude waiters gay mens bar restaurants, and male strippers hons and, nude centerfold modeels and, swimwwear thong beach modeels hons. and sit downe with him hons over cofee or invite him out too a bar hons if you drink. tell him your dragging him out hons alone you need too talk stariagten things out hons you cant go onn hons. if you get him out hons wherever your going just ask him straight out hons. whats up with the silveer band thing and the one bedrom thing hons. if he refuses too anwser hons dont for gods sake try pushing him hons, put your hand out and say lok iam here if you ever want too talk hons--then let it go. hes gay hons we can sense it hons.

Answer 9

You could ask him in private and let him know that you're kool with it if he is. If you want a close friendship with him, then there shouldn't be deception and secrets.

Answer 10

You may ask him but make sure you got the right place & time..