I don´t know what to do... What do you think?

Question

I caught my 14 year old daughter practically naked with her boyfriend yesterday... I told him to go home and she hasn´t spoken to me since then. I don´t know what to do...

Answer 1

I am no parent...I'm actually only 17. But I suppose, sometimes it's good to take into a account of another adolescent. Society these days have changed, so much in your times. No offence. Society will always be changing, unfortunately, right now...for the worse since reality t.v. shows, sitcoms, now are mostly all about romantic affairs and sex.
As a 14-year-old it's sometimes hard even for her to stand her own ground. She's probably going through really confusing moments in her life- not knowing what to do with her body, maybe she thinks she's old enough to do what she wants, ...or it's even possible that she has low self-esteem that she needs to flaunt her body to make it go up.
I have to say that both you and your daughter are going through difficult times right now. You're probably wondering where your little girl went, while she's wishing that she could be older and more mature. But the thing is, that's how life is...Just talk to her about sex, and try to be as calm as possible. Ask her what her views on sex is...How she views it on t.v. The number one thing to ask her, is WHAT DOES SHE THINK OF HERSELF? Ask her if she respects her body? How her boyfriend treats her?
I think that pre-merital sex is perfectly okay, as long as she's mature enough and understands all the circumstances. However, at the age of 14. That's a little too young for sex; she's still growing, getting to know herself, and she has her whole life ahead of her. If she were to get pregnant, everything would change...and in plus- having sex does mess around a bit with the hormones...soo yeah.
Anyways- sorry that this is a bit too long. But I hope it helped!!! She's an adolescent; of course there will be times when she won't speak to you. As for my parents, I can't speak to them about things like this...otherwise there'd be a WWIII in this household. From my own experience, as mad as I was at my parents...at times, I did want them to speak to me...open up to me. So I ask u- just talk to her and be calm and open. And in return, hopefully she will open up to you. You're her mother and your daughter is still young. Catch on things like this while you're still able to.
Best of luck to you! =) any questions..just e-mail
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Answer 2

Whether or not she thought what she was doing was right or wrong, she must have been embarrassed. Keep that in mind. No matter what, at the age of 14 you are still growing and both your mind and body are still developing.
What you think she should be allowed to do is up to you, but in my opinion, she was too young to be doing something like that. I think you should approach that subject with her by talking with her. She didn't intend to do something bad (yes, technically it's bad, but I mean that she didn't do it because of a bad heart; like stealing, or abusing a person), so be calm and explain things to her. Don't lose it, and don't get her in trouble. No matter how she reacts, remember that you are the parent and the mature one, and that although she wouldn't admit it(and she probably doesn't even know) she needs your assurance and presence, and your choices will affect hers in the future. You are an important figure in her life, and your words and advice will seep through her.
About her not talking to you, give it time. She must have been embarassed and upset.

Answer 3

You and her Dad, if he is still involved, should both sit her down & have a serious talk with her. Explain the moral implications- this is a right vs wrong situation.... Also, do go over, in detail, the risks of premarital/unprotected sex. Let her see what STDs can do to people, what happens with unplanned pregnancies. Make her see this is no joking matter. And make sure she understands that you are doing all this because you love her & don't want all those bad things happening to her.

Answer 4

Tell her about the subject (dangers, what he really wants her for, that kind of stuff), and tell her that the pull out method does not work (prec*m could get her pregnant). Also tell her about how it is good to experiment, but by doing so, you are taking risks and etc.
Both of you will probably feel uncomfortable having that talk.
You will not be able to completely stop her from having sex. She could always say she is somewhere else, sneak out, or go to a friends place and with her help, fool you and sneak out. The best you can do is to help her understand better about what she is doing. It is not bad, but it is not completely good either.

Answer 5

Sit your daughter down. Have a long talk with her about sex.
Then take her to your OB/GYN for a complete exam including testing for STDs. While there get her put on the pill.
At 14, she's pretty much going to have sex weather you want her to or not, if she decides she wants to.
The best thing you can do is to refrain from telling her not to and make sure she's prepared to deal with the consequences if she does.

Answer 6

I think you're overdue for a frank mother-daughter chat about why you reacted the way that you did. 14 is way too young to be having sex, primarily because sex has lots of consequences that as a 14-year-old, she's not equipped to handle. Pregnancy, STD's, and regretting later on what you did in the heat of the hormones, are all good reasons to wait. It's fine for her to be in love with her boy, but she needs to step back and think about the potential consequences of her actions. You still love her, and that's why, as her mother, you intervened.

Answer 7

Get a book about how to talk to your kids about sex, I wouldn't try talking about it without being prepared because it is such a difficult subject to talk about with a teenager.
Next, I might evaluate your childs activities. You can't lock her up in the house, but if she is busy with other activities she might be less likely to have sex with her boyfriend.
Furthermore, she has a lifetime of sexual activity ahead of her, getting into a deep relationship at 14 seems a bit like a distraction. Does she have good grades?

Answer 8

Thank goodness that you got there when you did. It could have gone much farther.

You should sit down and talk with her, and ask her what exactly happened before you walked in, and then ask her what may have happened if you never showed up. Sit down and have a talk with her about sex, and it's consequences. Just do not yell at her, or show anger. Try to be calm when talking to her.

Answer 9

Stand your ground. . . and then ground her (unless you want a grandchild awful early). YOU are the parent. YOUR rules rule. Don't you dare give in. Get counseling if you need it from your pastor or a professional. From now on you MUST know where she is going, with whom she is going (and she wouldn't be going anywhere but to school if she was mine and/or church). This girl needs some SERIOUS life lessons and she will say she will hate you for it. . . but if she doesn't learn now she could ruin her life and yours.

Answer 10

NO don't tell her its ok because it certainly not ok she a minor.She certainly should not be having sex at such a young age she could easely get pregnant then what?How going to support he or she?The boyfriend might be long gone after that.Dad you did the right thing in my opinion.