should i tell my girlfriend i cheated on her?

Question

we have been together for a long time and getting married in few months. i think i was feeling like i wanted a bit of a fling before getting married. now i really regret it. i dont want to mess things up. however i stupidly had unprotected sex. i think i should tell her, what do you think?

Answer 1

At sixty years of age I have learnt most things the hard way.
My advice is always, (regardless of the situation), reverse it ,and ask yourself, would I like done to me.
If the answer is no, then you have answered your own question and you can usually expect their reaction to be the same as yours.
It's bad enough that you have been unfaithful to your long time g/f, but to subject her to a possible STD because you didn't use protection is unforgivable really.
I think you owe it to her to tell her the truth, so that she can at least be tested.I would also suggest you do the same,because this other girl had un-protected sex with you, so you can bet she has done the same with others.
Honestly if you men only realised how much heartache you caused, just for the sake of getting your leg over, and as you have found out, the grass is never greener the other side of the fence, is it.
If you are lucky enough and your g/f decides your worth giving another chance after you've both been tested, consider yourself a very lucky man, but be prepared for a long haul to get back into her good books and be trusted again,after all it's one of the worst betrayals,I know I've been on the other end of it a couple of times myself.
Good luck, I hope you can both work it out,trust is the most important thing in any relationship, and as I say, just reverse the situation and understand her reactions and humiliation,but at least let her hear it from you,
there's nothing worse than being told by an outsider, about your other half's infidelities, you feel so awful,and it can take a long, long time to get that picture of your man and someone else having sex, (if ever).
I hope you don't loose your girlfriend after this,because none of us are perfect (especially men) most of them have their brains in their bollocks,but if you do, I'm afraid you only have yourself to blame.

Answer 2

Firstly, she's your Fiancee... call her that when you talk about her to us Yahoo users!

Secondly, she does have a right to know... it's your call... do you want to live with the guilt for the rest of your lives together?

If you go on thinking "what she doesn't know, doesn't hurt", it will get the better of you in the long run.

However, she may forgive, but not forget... she will hold this over your head for years!

Think about the next Q... what if she came clean and told you she had a b l o w job with some guy she met?
What if she told you it didn't mean anything?
Would you want to know?
Why?
Would you forgive her and still marry her?

Lots to think about buddy!

Maybe more thought should have gone into your fling BEFORE you acted on it!

Oh, and unprotected sex? !
You need to get checked out and make sure you haven't caught an STD... do you want to pass on any STD's to your fiancee?
Imagine you both being treated for a lesser disease (thrush). How would you explain that to your Fiancee?
Please don't get intimate with your girl until your Doctor has given you the all clear!
...And what if you got the other girl pregnant?
She may come after you just after she's had the baby!

My Gosh, I'd hate to be in your shoes, but, YOU need to face your responsibilities and deal with all this like an adult.

Good luck friend...

Answer 3

If you don't tell her now she will no doubt find out when you are married and things will be a thousand times worse. If you want some solid advice i would recommend figuring out the best thing to say to her and then sitting down and saying it straight out. Tell her you are sorry and you love her and that you didn't do it to hurt her you did it to figure yourself out and that now you know that you should not have done it and you deeply regret it. Tell her you still want to marry her (im assuming you do) tell her that it was never a question of not marrying her or not loving her but more a question of being unfulfilled. It will be hard at first n she will not want to talk to you but in the end if she was ready to marry you and spend her life with you she may actually forgive you and things might go back to how they were. If she does not forgive you and things do fall apart then they were not meant to be but have faith in her and she might repay your faith. Honesty is always the best policy as more lies will just mean a bigger fall in the long run when she does find out.

Good Luck dude. In future think things through, sex aint the be all and end all love is the important thing!!

Answer 4

"I think i was feeling like a bit of a fling before getting married"?-what happens if you "feel like a bit of a fling" when you ARE married...going to follow that up are you, going to have anymore "flings" throughout your married life? You did wrong-you cheated on your wife to be and she has to be told about this-and she has to be told by you-not by some second or third party's. Quite apart from STDs-(which can be treated and are not as life-threatening as some people make them out to be)-what happens 10--15 years down the line in this "sham" of a marriage of yours if some kid comes to your door and say's "hi daddy...surprise surprise!!"? YOU are going to be mortified...but your WIFE is going to be devastated. Do the decent thing here, tell your g/f of your infidelity-tell her that you really do not think it a good idea to get married because you are liable to have other "flings" throughout you married life-(you WILL you know...you have tried it once-there will ALWAYS a next time to taste the forbidden fruit for those who cheat!)-and that you cannot trust yourself to be faithful to her.You are not yet ready for a committed relationship-much less the sanctity of a marriage.

Answer 5

i think she will find out eventually

it always happens especially if she is the type of woman who always knows everything about everything

The best think about meeting the person you love is that both of you know the worst things about each other and its okay....

With that being said the right thing to do is to tell her unless you really feel it isn't necessary

what you should be thinking about is if you cheated on her a few months before you are getting married...are you going to cheat on her when your married and jeopardize the marriage???

Answer 6

Don't fix what isn't broken. What she doesn't know won't hurt her.
Tell her if you want her to call off the wedding. If ur worried about having caught an std then go to the clinc and get checked out, you owe ur girlfriend that much. If you have got anything you need to tell her, if not don't tell her. On the other hand if you think there's a chance she could here from some one else then you should be the one to tell her. Lets hope you regret it enuff to neva do it again. you won't always get away with it. all the best.

Answer 7

at the point you are right now.DONT TELL HER
make 100000000% sure that you will NEVER NEVER NEVER cheat on her again under any circmstances
also do NOT TELL IT to anybody else.That is VERY important.DONT let other people know things that she doesnt
go immediately and have a check up to see if you are ok after having unprotected sex
have a wonderful marriage and let this mistake stay in your mind as a black spot that it will remind that you should NEVER do it again as you almost blew everything of

take my advice

Answer 8

NO. NO. NO. Keep it a secret! As far as the unprotected sex goes, if you have any signs of STD's or think you might have something, ask you doctor or go to a health clinic. Keep that quiet also. In additon, dont tell anyone, even your close friends.
If you tell her, you will lose her trust in you and that may never be repaired.

Answer 9

I think she may well have Ed Zacarys disease ..... I remember a rather difficult situation an old friend of mine's sister once had, poor girl. Apparently she had not even been on a date for around nine years let alone had sex or got laid, so she was talking to one of her girlfriends who told her of a promblem she had with her husband three years before. Apparently they had not been sleeping together as they once did so in some desperation the two of them had gone to a Chinese herbalist doctor, they had eight sessions with him and to this day they had never been to happy together. So, after asking her friend if she would go to any lengths to find change she offered her friend the telephone number. Three days later my friend's sister made the call and made an appointment to see the doctor, very nervous she atteneded at the time offered. She went in and was offered a chair and he began taking her history and asking what her concerns were and why she had come to see him, after telling the doctor of her worries and complaint he asked her if she would go to any lengths in order to find change to which she said she was desperate for change. He then asked her to disrobe to take everything off and to get on her hands and knees and to then crawl across the room, mortified she complied with his directions, once having crossed the room with him making tutting noises she looked over her shoulder to which he motioned her to make the return journey, crawling all the way back to him, all the way seeing him shake his head and continuing his tutting. She then asked him what was wrong, why was he shaking his head and tutting, to which he said that what she had was a serious case ..... one of the worse cases he had seen, she was in semi shock and asked him what he meant and was there any way to remedy what he thought she had. She then asked what it was he thought she had to which he said Ed Zacary's disease, one of the worst cases of Ed Zacary's disease he had ever seen, blown away she said what is Ed Zacary's disease, I've never ever even heard of it, so he explained, it is when your butt looks Ed Zacary like your face.

Answer 10

I think you should get a check up and make sure she doesn't find out from her doctor. Why do you want to tell her? To make yourself feel better? It's done. You learned (didn't you?). You feel bad, why make her feel bad. If it truly was a one off let it lie. If you have to cheat the very very very least you can do is protect your long term partner by protecting yourself. That bit was really low.