What do you do when your wife leaves you after 6 years of marriage? with no real explaination?

Question

What do you do when your wife leaves you after 6 years of marriage? with no real explaination?
happily married for 6 years, never really had any fights, she decides she requires to have space and find herself.
she does have feelings for someone else but not sure/confused
doesnot really want to go to see anyone/counciling,both 28 years old, have other question posted
very confused

Answer 1

I can see why you'd be confused. Not being given a real reason makes the situation even harder to take, doesn't it? She has a real reason - for whatever reason she has chosen not to share it with you.

If your wife is not willing to go for counselling, there is absolutely no point in you trying to convince her - if she doesn't want any help to work on your relationship, nothing but nothing will help.

What you need to do right now is focus on you - re-group, sit back, take stock of your relationship very honestly to try to figure out what might have gone wrong. Take time for you, then move on. Wait until it feels right, then move forward - you have a lot of living ahead of you - don't let this bad experience ruin the rest of your life - it will get better - it always does.

Answer 2

I do not really think that there is no explanation. I bet that your wife gave you hints of her dissatisfaction many times but you were too in love to understand the coded messages. No woman leaves a place where she is happy and secure. While you were happily married for six years, she was not. Think back and remember a word, a comment that she made upon which you did not pay attention. You say"she does have feeling for someone else" because you are too blind to see that she has already given herself to that someone and that is why "she requires to have space and find herself" of course any time she wants in the loving arms of the other dude. I do not make comments to downplay you, I want you to come out from the state of confusion where you are and see life the way it is. Right now your wife has the best of both worlds: if she finds happiness where she wants to go,you lost her and if not after the trial period she will be back after you with words like this:" I should have been away from you to realize that you are the one I love" At this time, it's your call.

Answer 3

Maybe she thought she was ready but after six years decided she doesn't want to be "tied down" anymore. She is at an age where she realizes she is getting older and wants to "reclaim" her freedom while she is still young. You both married fairly young and she might think that she missed out on dating or flirting or something. If she has any kind of feelings for someone else this means she is or has been looking at other options, who knows for how long. Although you thought you were happily married she may not have been so happy. Sure, you never had real fights but you have to truly care about someone to fight with them. It sounds strange but from a married woman's point of view, I wouldn't fight with my husband if I didn't care about him. I would let him do his thing and I would do mine. Just let her go, skip the counciling.. she is too immature for you. No matter how much counciling you get she would still want her space and sow her wild oats. It sounds like you deserve to be married to a decent woman, so give yourself some time and find one.

Answer 4

Yes, I can hear your pain....
For you, it seemed like six happy years of marriage.
And then this other person appeared and ruined it all... but actually, that is not usually how these things go. More often there is a situation where the person who wants to leave the marriage has been "emotionally separated" for a year or longer from the marriage partner before they actually make the move to separate. And it is always a shock to the person who isn't leaving.

And they usually aren't interested in counseling if they are attracted to this other person.

It's tough to hear, but those are some of the situations I have heard about. However, I also know that many of the leavers will change their minds and then want to come back.... are you ready for that?

God bless.

Answer 5

This actually happened to a friend of mine at around the same time. He was 28 also. Exact same circumstances.

We came to find out that the reason why she separated with him was due to the fact that she didn't get a chance to experience life outside of him. The reason for this was because they only dated for several months, and then ended up getting married.

Your wife may be on the same page.

Long story short she never tried to make the marriage work since feeling that way, and started doing things she has never done (In all senses). He had to eventually come to grips and move on in life. Since then he got married and had a wonderful daughter.

Sometimes things just happen and I truly feel for you.

Even though this Answer is not positive, it's a true life experience that acutally happened and I hope it helps.

Answer 6

1. Ask her to consider going to marriage counseling with you. If she won't go, then go by yourself. It will help you deal with what's happened until the situation changes.

2. If you love her and are willing to work things out in spite of what's happened, let her know. She may eventually come to her senses.

3. Know your limits; if you can't wait for her to make up her mind, be prepared to move on.

4. Protect yourself in the meantime; see an attorney about putting together a legal separation. Protect whatever assets you have and any possible financial liability she may create by virtue of you being married. I don't mean to be insensitive, but this is the part of your that, despite your hurt, has to be practical. A separation is not a divorce.

You may not be able to do more than this; you have no control over her quest to "find herself" or if she ever will. She may have to get counseling on her own. You can only do so much with her cooperation or involvement; there will come a point when you'll have to make a decision. You can't change someones mind, make them love you or end their confusion.

Take care of yourself above all else. Best of luck to you and your future...

Answer 7

Well, my opinion is that you two married when you were both, what? 24? That's a bit too young in my opinion.

The other thing is people change over time. The person you both were at 22, 24 or 28 is different when you turn 30, 40 or 50. Thank your lucky stars this happened now while your young than later on in years after investing your best years with someone who don't want you.

I've been in your shoes, and what helps me is to get out there and meet people. I know you may not feel like it, but you don't have to be in a rebound relationship, just meet other woman, go on trips, join groups and just have experience in dealing with many different personalities. You'll find after awhile you'll know exactly who is right for you, thus avoiding your current confusion.

In life, we can question why, but at times, it's best to just go on the best you can and you'll find later that you won't even care about the "why's".

Answer 8

Give her space...and a lot of it, especially if she says she is confused. Live ur life like u do, and perhaps start doing things that u enjoy and keep urself busy. Sorry to say that it doesnt sound very promising that ur marriage will survive, especially if she is not willing to go to counselling. Generally speaking most women when they leave a relationship have already reconciled to themselves months earlier that it is over which makes it easier for them to leave and it usually takes the man by complete suprise which also highlights the fact of a lack of communication within the relationship. Your situation is unfortunately quite common. I suggest u start letting go, tho i understand the need for answers. Go out flirt with some girls, resume pursuits u may have let go during the marriage, and start to find urself again. Keep busy and keep confident. Remember...it is better to be alone than to be with the wrong person. All the best...

Answer 9

This is a tough one! I am also 28 and I think this may be a life changing age at least for women. I know my last birthday it was just like everything hit me and I started examining my life and where I was in it. I think we feel like we need to start getting all of our ducks in a row about then. I have a pretty successful life and so does my husband but I am finding myself reevaluating my marriage. Women always need attention and compliments from their men even though some of us know we are attractive it still helps for reassurance atleast for me. Have you always showed her much appreciation and let her know how thrilled you are that you are lige partners? These are just some things but then there is always just your attraction to someone else that takes the cake. If you have been the best husband you could be then just don't sweat it there will be someone out there for you! Good Luck!

Answer 10

If you don't have any children be glad that it's only been 6 years and not 26. My husband and I went through counseling because we both wanted our marriage to work, 10 years later we are still together. It takes two to make a marriage and I know how unhappy you must feel, my heart goes out to you! I suggest you give her the "Space" she wants and see what happens, but don't waste the best years of your life waiting for her forever. Sometimes things just don't work out and you have to get on with whats best for you. Trust me, I have been through this before and have been married twice.