Can someone tell me what they think of my thesis statement? My professor says I must take a stand.?

Question

Despite chocolate being a food which is high in calories, saturated fat, and sugar, recent studies by Dr. Vlachopoulos at the 1st Cardiology Department, Athens Medical School have found that dark chocolate is a food which promotes cardiovascular health.

Answer 1

Your professor is right.

Are you trying to tell the reader that you support the eating of chocolate because the positive (cardiovascular health) out weights the negative (calories, fat and sugar.)

or are you trying to tell the reader that they should stay away from chocolate because the calories fat and sugar are not worth cardiovascular health?

Try writing

Despite chocolate being a food which is high in calories, saturated fat, and sugar, it can still be a healthy food to consume. Recent studies by Dr. Vlachopoulos at the 1st Cardiology Department, Athens Medical School have found that dark chocolate is a food which promotes cardiovascular health.

It's okay for a thesis to be 2 sent. long.

Answer 2

The second half would be used to support the stance that chocolate is good for your health. You present the two sides in your thesis but don't make a statement that clarifies what you will attempt to prove or disprove with the rest of your paper. Make a statement or claim in one sentence that explains your position on the topic then proceed to back it up over the rest of your paper. If you are going to take the "chocolate is good" stance (it sounds like you are) I would try to find other studies or evidence that supports different positive effects/uses for chocolate (about 3 or 4, depending on the length of your paper) and then put them all together in one sentence and summarize( this is the position statement or stance for your thesis). Then you would proceed to present each positive effect section by section in the order that you summarized them in that thesis statement. But the parody you created here in this rough thesis is necessary you just have to make it clear what your position will be for the topic.

Don't confuse the one sentence part as meaning your thesis must only be one sentence. I meant the part about you summarizing your position should be one sentence. It can be more, not sure what the rule is, but all rules in writing can be broken if written well.

Answer 3

I finished my thesis a few years ago. Are you going to support this claim? If so, it makes sense and can be supported with the rest of your research. Did he say take a stand after reading this exact statement or are you asking about it before he sees it?

Answer 4

To take a stand on the issue you must state were you want the paper to go.

Despite the research showing that chocolate is a high fat, high calorie food, more research should be done to follow-up studies by Dr. Vlachopoulos of 1st Cardiology Department of Athens Medical school, that dark chocolate promotes cardiovascular health.

Hope this helps.?

Answer 5

Is the problem that dark chocolate (the cacao part) is good for you, but the butter, milk and sugar of candy is not? If so, the beginning of your thesis statement (chocolate candy) and the end of your thesis statement (cacao) are about two different things!

M
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Answer 6

it's a little long, but it gets the job done. in fact, it's better than any thesis statement i can write :)

Answer 7

Sounds good to me. I started eating cocao powder, heaping teaspoon every am, and my cholesterol, LDL, and triglycerides all came down after 3 months. Good luck.

Answer 8

It sounds great...I think your teacher wants you to include what your opinion is on chocolate's effect on health and how it will be tied into your paper....good luck!

Answer 9

Sounds good to me, but maybe you should elaborate on the good a little more

Answer 10

I think it's great