Can someone tell me what they think of my thesis statement? My professor says I must take a stand.?

Question

Despite chocolate being a food which is high in calories, saturated fat, and sugar, recent studies by Dr. Vlachopoulos at the 1st Cardiology Department, Athens Medical School have found that dark chocolate is a food which promotes cardiovascular health.

Answer 1

He's right. You need to make your position clearer. I'm guessing that the point of your essay is that dark chocolate is healthy or promotes a healthy heart. Well, you need to make it clearer that that is your point.

All those details like the doctor and what school he's at belong in the body. That stuff is your supporting evidence. The intro should be kind of general, and end with a thesis statement that clearly identifies what you will be proving over the course of your essay.

Answer 2

From what you wrote, I can't tell the actual topic of the paper...is it chocolate, chocolate's food value, or its detrimental effects?

Think - what is the main idea? Be sure to state it for your reader. A solid thesis statement will cement your work and tell the reader the focus.

Example: Chocolate has been proven to have poor effects on cardiovascular health. The statement should have a certain firmness. Don't be wish-washy...that seems to be what your prof was saying.

Answer 3

I was taught that your thesis statement should make a bold statement in three parts, each part supporting your argument in a different way, with the third and final point being the most convincing... I am not sure how you might accomplish that though with the topic you have chosen, unless you can point to three different health benefits of chocolate, which seems unlikely to me.

Answer 4

Is your entire paper going to be about these studies by Dr. V and how chocolaste promotes cardiovascular health?

Might help to know what the paper is supposed to be about...

As it is, it is a bit long...

The thesis statement should be short, concise, and sum up your entire paper. It tells the reader what your paper is about. With that being said - they can be difficult to write!