I am a dumb guy when it comes to talking to girls & i couldn`t make dat impression on my fiancee i tried a lot,
it used to happen that she used to tell me how i should talk to girls and when i used to do so she felt bad as she wanted me to say someting original and i used to do it as from my side but....
she has this thing in her mind that she should be comfortable with me before our marriage but i dont know what is happening when we talk about any topic its ends up in a heaty conversation making each other feed bad about ourselves.
please help me guide me and tell me what can i do to improve this relationship as i love her a lot and i dont want to loose her at all which i know that she wont leave me as well but instead of living with each other where everything is suffocating we want to have a healthy & happy realtionship.
i even never spoke to her about sex as i thought that it should be only spoken about after marriage but now i feel that was also wrong
2007-01-03 10:28:19 · 18 answers · asked by jammy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i am 28 years old & its an arranged marriage &its not that she doesn`t have any emotions for me she has.
i really dont know whether she is trying to change me or no but i have changed a bit i never used to worry about anything in life i used to take it as it used to come but i was very careful for this relationship as i didn`t wanted nething to go wrong
i never used to get angry on whatever she used to say she used to guide me of what to say i used to accept it she used to tell me that y u dont tell me if n e thing u didn`t liked
as i thought y unnecessarily stretch that topic forget it
but she wanted me to tell her if i felt bad about anything i didn`t like it. may be i was wrong by not saying that.
i did that but it used to hit in a wrong way& d other problem is that i am not in my home country in am living and working abroad and i am jus getting 4 days to be in my country before marriage
if things r not rite i might even resign my job n go back
n want 2c a counsellor guide me
2007-01-03 11:55:04 · update #1
a little more thing i`ll add
she had already had one broken engagement which was from the guys side he was not a decent guy
and she doen`t want this relationship to break as she told me once that if this relationship is broken she dont want to live then
and i dont want anything to happen to her
i love her
& i really dont know whether should i back off now and i`m really scared about the Consequences
she even told me that i should talk about sex she gave me hints but i couldn`t understand and i had kept that thing to be spoken only after marriage even though she gave me hints & i got it quite late but didn`t wanted to talk about it dat time as i think its too late to talk about it now, she tells me that she wont tell me anything for what i should be talking about but if i want i can talk about it & she said she will feel akward when i talk about it now i am confused for what to do now
when she says no dont talk about anything i dont which she feels bad about
Please Guide Me.....
2007-01-03 12:57:29 · update #2
This sounds like an arranged marriage, and that you have to make the best of it, if this is the case, remember that you have the rest of your life to spend together, and yes there are going to be a lot of awkward moments, I would advise you to talk to an other man that has gone through the same thing, there are a lot of adjustments and it can not all be one sided, but if you are able to keep talking to your wife,the best thing is that you must find a way to ask the questions, and get answers that give you information, thus direction , if you keep taking every thing she says as a criticism you will be a mess, and so will she. So sit down with her and ask very direct questions,, for example What exactly do you want me to do, and so not let her side track you with well you know what I mean, NO YOU DO NOT, . so keep asking for direction and then negotiate with her. I do wish you the very best on you up coming marriage, do not give up do you home work and all will be well
2007-01-03 10:41:09 · answer #1 · answered by rkilburn410 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are blessed enough to notice that the relationship is chaotic. The best you can do for yourself is to drop everything regardless what anyone may say. No one can help you, you have to help yourself by cutting off the marriage, cool yourself off and then realize that somewhere another woman is waiting to accept you the way you are. Point blank I can tell you that your marriage will work only by a divine miracle but the Lord has already done His part: In his mercy, He gave you enough brain to know that something is totally wrong in your relationship and you have little time left to bail out. When things will of course don't work, do not blame her, blame yourself.
2007-01-03 10:47:56 · answer #2 · answered by alpha & omega 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
dude how old are you??? and why are you thinking about getting married with someone that does not love you back!!! I am married for over 2 years with someone I thought love me a lot and our relationship is degraded tremendously after this time and 1 baby. It is soo bad with the arguments that getting divorced is crossing my mind every day, yet because of the baby can't do it I don't know if I can stand that separation. Don't please don't get married unless you are absolutely sure this is the one if you have issue talking to girls dude there is time to learn don't waste your life enjoy being single. I wish someone told me this before making the worst mistake of my life
2007-01-03 10:36:51 · answer #3 · answered by AAA 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why in the world do you want to marry someone that is not in love with you? And why does she want to marry someone she doesn't love? Sorry, but I don't understand it.
Maybe you need to read your description of the relationship, to me it doesn't look healthy or caring at all. She is constantly trying to make you into someone else, I don't see that she respects you in any way, and believe me, if it is like this before you even get married it will not get any better on it's own. If I would be in your shoes I would run, fast and far.
2007-01-03 10:37:07 · answer #4 · answered by UschiAR 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't sound like a dumb guy to me. But if your fiancee really doesn't love you, you shouldn't marry her. What's the hurry? Tell her that you think you need more time to get to know each other. If you get married you'll have kids and if you are fighting now- you'll fight more when you're married- you will needlessly complicate your life. Children will be involved. Slow down. Think about what you are doing. Good luck.
2007-01-03 10:35:22 · answer #5 · answered by peggy j 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am guessing that because you wanted to wait on the sex thing that you believe in God and try to follow His ways? if this is a yes-- then wait on the marriage-- it sounds like a one way relationship- and that ends in divorce- God hates divorce- I have to say this- but it sounds like she feels sorry for you and wants to "Fix" you and your problem- but that is no reason to marry someone- you can find love again, and real love is worth waiting for.....
2007-01-03 11:32:20 · answer #6 · answered by drox 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk talk talk that's what's going to work and with out it not thing will. I don't think that you should marry just yet I think that you need to know what she feel before you marry it sounds like she has her eyes on someone just be clear and try to work thinks out
I wish you the best
2007-01-03 10:36:10 · answer #7 · answered by HONEY 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your emotional response to being in her company is feeling bad about yourself, then, you're right. She does not love you and you shouldn't marry her. DO NOT go through with this. It's a big mistake.
2007-01-03 10:39:15 · answer #8 · answered by rtanys 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know getting married isn't about saying vows and a ring. it is also about attorney fees . losing all your personal possions. paying her debts and any money the IRS is owed, Call off the wedding and live together before one of you move on/out !
2007-01-03 10:37:50 · answer #9 · answered by barcan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are being very foolish for marrying a woman that does not love you.It will only bring more misery into your life.if she does not love you she will end up cheating with someone..I don,t believe in arranged marriages....I think its a very foolish thing to do...you must not be from this country,because in the usa it is considered wrong....good luck to you.........
2007-01-03 15:26:14 · answer #10 · answered by slickcut 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋