My husband of 10 years has informed me today that he wants to separate. He said he loves me very much but isn't in love with me. We are going through a lot right now, like me working while he goes to school. Six months away from going to law school he tells me this. I love him so much and this is just breaking my heart. I didn't even know that there was a problrm with his love for me. I feel so stupid not seeing this. Do you think counseling would help or let it go and see where it ends?
2007-01-03 10:02:07 · 21 answers · asked by mlw11 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm sorry for your pain. Your husband doesn't know what love is. Counseling could help you both. If he files for a divorce, remember he can be held financially responsible for you putting your life on hold while he attends school. There have been many cases where the wife worked to put the husband through college and then the husband left....you may be eligible for alimony, get a lawyers advice after you call the counselor.
2007-01-03 10:10:06 · answer #1 · answered by LoneStarLou 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear about your news...I've been separated for 12 days, 12 looong days! Same thing, the hubby told me that it wasn't working, no cheating or drugs either. I started going to counseling, it's been a great help. I would highly suggest finding a faith based counselor, they will tell you to work on yourself instead of blaming it all on your husband and to pick each other apart. I decided I was sick of my destructive behavior and to get real with myself. Ask yourself if there is anything that you can think of that you do that causes him to distance himself from you? Do you truly want to change your behavior? How will you? Do you have a plan? How will you make these new changes a part of your life instead of making false promises and going back to your old ways after a month or two? I am not blaming this on you, but you need to evaluate yourself. If you truly want to make your marriage work, you need to take action. Marriages these days are disposable and almost all can be fixed and saved with hard work. Most people are just lazy and call it quits. You need to make an effort to let him know that you appreciate him, love him, and are committed to your marriage. Make him fall in love with you again! I can guarantee that your marriage will be stronger since you both stuck it out, made a few changes and shows that your marriage can withstand anything. If you need to vent or just an ear, send me an email or IM me anytime. Keep us posted. God will guide you through these difficult times. Pray and NEVER give up hope. Never. Take care.
2007-01-03 10:25:25 · answer #2 · answered by SillyKimmie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First you need to talk more with your husband about this, Ask Questions, make him answer them,He owes you this much..Theres a reason for him to say this,and you need to find out WHY..Don't feel stupid for not seeing this,You had no idea what was going on in his head..Stress can cause alot of things,Sounds like you both are going thru alot right now..
Counseling will help, But only if he's willing..
Good Luck Sweetie
2007-01-03 10:22:24 · answer #3 · answered by Shem 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should tell him how this has completely torn your world apart. Tell him that you would at least like to go see a counselor and see if there is anything that you could do in order to piece the marriage back together. I am 20 and I am on my second marriage, and in my opinion, if he doesn't think that it is worth working out then most likely it isn't and it was never meant to be. If this is the end, then most likely there is something better for the both of you down the road.
Sorry, and Good Luck!
2007-01-03 10:10:33 · answer #4 · answered by Sarah E 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can suggest counselling but if he turns you down he may have already made up his mind or has someone on the side. Take the time to sort out what is going on in his mind, if there is someone else. If he will agree to try counselling first then go for it. If not, really there is nothing you can do. You cannot make anyone stay with you out of guilt, you do not have enough love for the both of you, and why would you want to be with someone who does not want to be with you?
2007-01-03 10:07:18 · answer #5 · answered by artist-oranit.com. 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's another man going to College and seeing all these pretty young things and he feels he is a Frat Boy and look at this old woman that works to send him to college, then he'll be a Lawyer.
I'd tell him I love you but I don't love you, that means I don't want to spend another dime on your education. I thought it over and I want to go back to college and become a Divorce Lawyer because I feel that there will be a lot of fine men getting a divorce and you know they always fall for a Lady Atty. So let's hit
the road and find a good Lawyer because I just paid my last dime on your education, so while we're on the road how about stopping at the next employment office and find you a good job. because you see I love you but I just don't love, okay Buster.
2007-01-03 10:21:25 · answer #6 · answered by Nicki 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
counseling will help.. but only if both parties are willing. I just went thru this and completely know how you feel. It sounds like he may be interested in someone else. I would ask him to go to counseling, if he refuses.. try and assume that it's over. His reaction to you leaving will tell ALL.I lingered there for 2 yrs of my life waiting for him to decide what he wanted. All the while he was messing around with another woman. I'm not saying that it's the same situation as yours, but please pay attention to the signs for your own good. I'm sorry for you my friend.. good luck.
2007-01-03 10:08:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Counseling will help you deal with the situation, whether it changes the outcome or not.
I suggest that you consult an attorney immediately. Since he wants to separate, ask him how soon he will be leaving. It's not fair for him to jerk you around like this. It sounds like he has already made his own decision. Ask the attorney what steps you should take to protect your financial assets. Opening a separate checking account in just your name and having your paycheck deposited there should be a start.
2007-01-03 10:09:38 · answer #8 · answered by Thomas K 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you have both invested in 10 years in this marriage and that saving it is worth a fight. Tell him you would like to try counseling and that if the outcome is still divorce or separation you will accept it but that you feel based on the vows you took that you must do everything in your power to try to save the marriage before throwing in the towel. Good luck dear.
2007-01-03 10:22:34 · answer #9 · answered by peggy j 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why be with someone who doesn't love you?
IF he's open to counseling, sure, go for it.
IF you happen to split up, make it in the divorce clause that YOU will get alimoney and set your sights on a BIG number for you to receive for standing by careing for him for a carreer of good money makings!
Ask for 1/2 of what he makes in the next 5 years of him being an attorney!!!
2007-01-03 10:21:36 · answer #10 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋