My best friend is happily married and has been for 2 1/2 years. And it's not just a fake marriage where they act like they're happy, I'm really close to both of them and they really are happy. They treat each other like royalty. But here's what's weird. She broke up with an ex boyfriend 4 or 5 years ago, which was a pretty serious relationship, and she still loves to think about how she left him and how he probably cries over her everyday still. I have told her several times that she dreaming, but she says it makes her feel good about herself. Should she still be doing this after so long, and also while she's married?
2007-01-03 09:59:05 · 12 answers · asked by #1 Buckeye Fan!!!! 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
BTW, the ex doesn't live around here, I've never even met him so I know she doesn't see him. I know she really hates him deep down because of her anger toward him when she talks about him. (apparently he was really horrible to her verbally and emotionally) So do you think she feels like this is her revenge? And if so, does that make it any better?
2007-01-03 10:00:50 · update #1
She was hurt --granted--is it natural for her after so many years to still be thinking on the lines you described?? Weird--that's what you said and I am agreeing with you -But whatever floats her boat--if that's how she has to do to make herself feel good then who are we to say its wrong--You are a good friend because you are still there for her and all her weird fantasies too :-)
2007-01-03 10:12:18 · answer #1 · answered by skizzle-d-wizzle 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well to talk from experience.. you don't always know what goes on behind closed doors. They may politely tolerate or respect each other, but she still has some feelings for the ex and some fantasy about that situation. (wishful thinking) I was married w/2 beautiful children had a nice home and what appeared to people that we where happy needless to say that was far from the truth. Things got worse(I won't go into why) and then the truth came out to people(my father for one) who didn't know what was happening because I never told him. I was 13 yrs. married and constantly thought about my first ex-boyfriend because we broke up(or I did) without resolution and that kept me hanging on to wanting to see him just one more time to tell him how I felt, etc. etc. Perhaps she will come to resolve over the break-up and get on with her married life 100% And to answer should she still be doing this...it isn't healthy for the marriage and perhaps she needs to psychological counseling to evaluate why she's still stuck w/the ex.
2007-01-03 18:07:51 · answer #2 · answered by sissytwo 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think its a bit odd, that she even cares about what he thinks. I know when I've been in happy relationships, all the pain of past relationships totally dissipated. But, if he was really mean to her, then maybe she feels that "living well" is the best revenge. Maybe he really dumped her? That what it sounds like to me. Anyways, don't be a co-dependant of this unusual behavior.
2007-01-03 18:05:24 · answer #3 · answered by C 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If it is not interfering with her marriage, then let it go.
Since her perspective is that he is "crying over her everyday", that is not as destructive as 'she misses him' or 'she hopes to hear from him again' or something similar.
Only draw the line if she tries to contact him, or out of the blue this old studd contacts her, and she reacts in such a way as to harm her marriage.
Let her do her silly fantasy for now.
010307 5:03
2007-01-03 18:03:55 · answer #4 · answered by YRofTexas 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she's still living in the past....she should live in the present after all that's where most of us live. Her ex-boyfriend too I'm sure.
2007-01-03 18:01:35 · answer #5 · answered by Mellie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hmmm,wonder what hubby would think if he knew about her fantasy's? Can't be too strong a marriage if she's still thinking of her ex..soul searching is needed here.She is one messed up lady..
2007-01-03 18:18:31 · answer #6 · answered by ladybug 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally I hope she meets her ex again while he's doing really well.
Seriously, she should let the animosity in the past go........ and she definitely should not be doing this while she's married.........
2007-01-03 18:05:36 · answer #7 · answered by Playa Hata 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think your friend needs a shrink!
It's so great hearing about all the real LOVE out there, and she's very lucky to have found it.
2007-01-03 18:03:02 · answer #8 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nope. does not mean her marriage is fake, but she is a vengeful chick. tell her she needs to get over it and realize she has a good guy, or you will take him! that will make her *** stop. you may not get invited over anymore, but it's for her own good.
2007-01-03 18:02:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think its ok if it makes herself feel better.... i also thinks that she misses him still but is in love with her husband as well
2007-01-03 18:01:53 · answer #10 · answered by Madtown 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋